AIBU to ask for advice on how to overturn a school decision - quickly

[Canwehavesesomesanityback]

What can I do to overturn a school decision - quickly? It is regarding mobile phones. The school has introduced a no phones at school policy. If a teacher is on a journey home and sees a child on a phone, they will “chase them down the street and snatch it out of their hand” as it shows they had a phone in school.

There was a horrible and frightening incident fairly near school today. So whilst school were busying themself with catching children out for taking a blazer off at a bus stop or using a phone after school, my child was involved in something bloody terrifying. I’ve been up half the night. It should involve the police, but we are not going down that road and time would have been of the essence anyway. My husband was driving about a minute away from her at the time, happily oblivious. I’m shaken up, but also feel in an impossible situation.

This occurred close to school, with a couple of friends, in daylight with people nearby. Her journey also includes much larger elements where she’s on her own and secluded. I’m really fucking angry and revolted too (huge understatement) that the school have the power to dictate the removal of a tool for use outside of school, compromising my child’s safety.

As a bare minimum, I want a brick phone allowed in school - turned off, handed in, confiscated if used or seen - I don’t care. I want them to find a way that the other 97% of schools do, so that my child has access to a phone, even if it’s just a brick phone, should she need it out of school.

They have lots of draconian rules, appear very rigid and authoritarian. I can grit my teeth on those. I cannot grit my teeth on this one. It’s a very large academy, gives the impression so far that “we are always right and totally trustworthy” and others will have it wrong or lie. Please help. How best to approach a school that seems terrified of giving an inch, (whilst it simultaneously encroaches the fuck and takes miles) to get an outcome that will make my child safer out of school.

If you’ve read this far, please help. I also believe from what I’ve seen so far that if I raise this, the school will frequently check my daughter’s bag. I am willing to now break the rules on this, but obviously can’t keep replacing mobiles and she shouldn’t have to be punished by school for it either.

You have to allow for some people living very small lives. They don’t use public transport, sit at a computer all day, don’t have friends to contact / arrange things with. If they have dcs, they are young, walk to/from a very close school.

Some people don’t have anyone to contact, or any need to contact anyone. These people don’t see a phone as a useful tool because they’d never need to call someone when out and about.

A child doesn’t need a phone during the school day. They do often need them for the commute because we’ve taken away the payphones and not all child live a 10 minute walk away or are driven to and from school.

Absolutely do not believe any teachers are chasing kids outside of school.

Also sooooo many parents are in favour of these rules and believe in supporting schools. Why should the parents who throw tantrums, refuse to aid their child’s development or to support schools get what they want? Don’t the other parents have a say too?

Payphones were little help when you were stuck on a train, or a bus and late for something though.

I startedwork young, at 16 in 1995 and it involved going to different places and meeting people. The amount of times you’d be stuck on a bus in London or a train and couldn’t contact anyone. Even when meeting up with friends. Or having to arse around with an A-Z and bus time table cards. All hail the Maps app.

Tell you what, you go back to the dark ages if you want. I remember it being a pain in the arse and I glad my children don’t have to experience that.

Perhaps where the dangerous bit needs better lighting ? Could the council put some in if there is none? Does she need a torch as well ?
Is she the only child on this journey ?
Lots of questions to ask really before demanding she carries a phone.
And a phone will not be of any use to her if she is run over or something.

My son's school have a policy that the phone mustn't be seen or heard while in school. Once they are off the school's premises it is nothing to do with them. So I would have thought your child can have a phone switched off in her bag during school time, and get it out once outside? Or are they trying to be stricter than that? If they are, I would question it.

Most schools here allow kids to take phones to school but they must be kept out of sight in a zip locked bag and not used while at school. I don’t agree that children shouldn’t be allowed phones on the journey to and from school as that could be a safety issue eg if they miss their bus or get into trouble.

So what happens with children who need a mobile to control hearing aids?

Just remember there aren’t really any public telephone boxes these days!

Pay phones were few and far between in the 80s in non busy areas. We survived .

How is not letting your child carry a phone in case of an emergency harming their development?

So let’s suppose DD has a mobile hidden in the bottom of her bag. Incident occurs, does the DD really have time to fish around for the phone, switch it on, call a number and wait for it to be connected and answered. Then act on whatever the response is? Probably not. So the phone would need to be switched on and in her hand, which then makes her a target.

OP, whatever this incident was, you are shaken by it, and want to protect your child but I’m guessing that the school will tell you to either collect your DD from school or get her to use a different route. As to chasing pupils, it may have been said but probably not meant literally. My son’s school used to patrol the local area to ensure pupils behaved and I’m guessing your DD school does the same.

Of course, it's absolute nonsense. Rarely are teachers leaving school at the same time as students anyway.
Just have a phone, switched off, at the bottom of the bag. It's fine.

So you didn’t need to use a bus or train to get to school? Can’t see why if you don’t walk to school you might need to be able to contact someone to say “the bus hasn’t arrived” or “the trains are all cancelled” or look up change of times, or even buy your tickets on the phone now so many train stations don’t have a person or a machine that takes cash!

The way the world is though even the most reclusive person needs a device to set up and receive appointments and reminders and whatnot. To call for help in an emergency, it's madness not to have a phone for safety. Also this is coming from someone posting on mums et who is using a phone or device not just as a brick but for random chat.

@Pushmepullu yes you can call 999 on your phone e.g. if you think you’re being followed or if you miss the only bus you can call your parents. You’re being ridiculous.

For those recommending watchs with a SiM be aware that many schools have also banned smart watches as well. Those that haven't yet will most likely going forward as they are effectively the same thing as a phone. They are most definitely not allowed in any exams either.

Both my kids now just have regular watchs.

I think the OP is worried about something happening on the way home. So the phone can be taken out of the bag and switched on after they leave school .

Fuck me, I hate this.

Some of us all survived before antibiotics.

Survival is such a low bar. It’s a phone. Which can make life easier if you get stuck somewhere.

My Nan wouldn’t let anyone watch TV in her house until 1990 as she insisted it gave you square eyes and rotted your brain. It’s giving that.

Because they can sort things for themselves and up until 20 years ago every child before time began travelled without phones. Having mummy flapping at the end of a phone for every little thing, kids not sorting bus delays themselves or routes stunts development and resilience
whilst causing anxiety and they belief they can’t do anything without a phone or mum.

Smart watch would be your best bet. You can call her, she can call you. No mobile required. Easy

I fully agree with no phones being turned on in school and should stay in their bags at all times. However the minute they’re outside of school property it’s nothing to do with the school - regardless of their own rules.

assuming the school doesn’t have the power to carry out unwarranted bag searches I’d be telling my Dd to put her phone in her bag and warning her within an inch of her life not to take it out until she was out of school grounds (and out of sight!).

i wouldn’t be comfortable with her walking her route home without one. She doesn’t even phone me often but I use life 360.

then if a teacher ever “chased her down and snatched the phone out of her hand” outside school
grounds I’d go nuclear

Are you ok? Your post reads like you might not be coping very well, it’s very rambly and unclear what the incident was and what it meant about your DH.

Im sure if she kept a brick phone switched off in her bag the school would be none the wiser.

There’s also the aspect that teenage girls routinely having panic attacks during a normal school day and needing to be collected is precisely the sort of issue they are hoping the various mobile phone legislations and school rules will reduce in the long-term. It’s clear something is going on with the mental health of our young people on a very large scale, and it’s hard not so ascribe some of the blame to social media/internet culture. Problem is that there is always a period where things may have to get worse to eventually get better.

Give your daughter a 'period pack' that she carries all times, hide a small brick phone in there, keep it very quiet.

Oh for goodness travelling to school without a phone is not a low bar. Seriously. 🙄