AIBU to ask for advice on how to overturn a school decision - quickly

[Canwehavesesomesanityback]

What can I do to overturn a school decision - quickly? It is regarding mobile phones. The school has introduced a no phones at school policy. If a teacher is on a journey home and sees a child on a phone, they will “chase them down the street and snatch it out of their hand” as it shows they had a phone in school.

There was a horrible and frightening incident fairly near school today. So whilst school were busying themself with catching children out for taking a blazer off at a bus stop or using a phone after school, my child was involved in something bloody terrifying. I’ve been up half the night. It should involve the police, but we are not going down that road and time would have been of the essence anyway. My husband was driving about a minute away from her at the time, happily oblivious. I’m shaken up, but also feel in an impossible situation.

This occurred close to school, with a couple of friends, in daylight with people nearby. Her journey also includes much larger elements where she’s on her own and secluded. I’m really fucking angry and revolted too (huge understatement) that the school have the power to dictate the removal of a tool for use outside of school, compromising my child’s safety.

As a bare minimum, I want a brick phone allowed in school - turned off, handed in, confiscated if used or seen - I don’t care. I want them to find a way that the other 97% of schools do, so that my child has access to a phone, even if it’s just a brick phone, should she need it out of school.

They have lots of draconian rules, appear very rigid and authoritarian. I can grit my teeth on those. I cannot grit my teeth on this one. It’s a very large academy, gives the impression so far that “we are always right and totally trustworthy” and others will have it wrong or lie. Please help. How best to approach a school that seems terrified of giving an inch, (whilst it simultaneously encroaches the fuck and takes miles) to get an outcome that will make my child safer out of school.

If you’ve read this far, please help. I also believe from what I’ve seen so far that if I raise this, the school will frequently check my daughter’s bag. I am willing to now break the rules on this, but obviously can’t keep replacing mobiles and she shouldn’t have to be punished by school for it either.

Ds' after school club was cancelled when he didn't have a phone. He was 8yo and didn't know until he went to it, waited a little, so after all the other children had gone.
He walked home, through the woods on his own, about an hour away. Normally the house would have been empty at that time, but thankfully dd was home that day.
First thing I knew was dd phoning to say she had ds, because school hadn't told us, nor noticed he was missing.

If he'd had a phone, he would have called me and I'd have picked up normal time and place.

He said if dd hadn't been home he'd have gone round to a friend's house. So I'd have gone to pick him up and found him missing with no way of telling where he was.

Yes, that was a school mistake, but these thing do happen. You don't know until an incident happens so you are reliant on the child's intuition. Ds had a great survival instinct, even at that age, but he approached things in a way that you couldn't predict so did put himself, I trying to do the right thing, at risk in a different way at times.
That phone came in useful two or three times over junior age.

Op, after that, I got an old phone switched off and unpacked the lining of his school bag, slipped it in, then sewed back up with loose stitches he could easily break.

Please tell me how a brick phoned switched off in the bottom of a bag stunts development?

I work in a secondary school.
There is not a chance as a teacher I would take a child’s phone off them out of school. I don’t have the authority to do that. It’s theft.
If you don’t want to or can’t move school, I would request a meeting with whoever is highest up that you can meet. I would explain what has happened to your child. I would ask that she be allowed to hand her phone into reception on a morning, and pick it up from there at night. Every day. They literally cannot object to that. You are not asking for her to have her phone in school.
If they won’t do that I would have to move her because you don’t feel she is safe.
Ignore people who say she doesn’t need a phone. You feel she does for very good reasons. You are prepared to give 95% they just need to give 5%.

And yet I bet you carry your phone nearly everywhere you go, like almost every other person in this world with a phone does.

Oh dear god.

Don’t let your children anywhere near one then.

I mean, aside from in school where they are used a hell of a lot. Or for homework tasks.

Children don’t stick to phones being switched off in a bag. Any school will tell you that and the minute they walk out the door the online bullying, addiction and reliance starts. Learn alternative bus routes and what to do in the extremely low chance they need to sort something for themselves just as children have had to do since before time began.

Yes, please do this, it's a very reasonable request.

To add to my previous post I wouldn’t let your child break the rules. It isn’t fair on her and it lets the school create a narrative that isn’t true. This isn’t her fault don’t let them make her (and you) the problem.

Quite right. Let’s go back to all having nothing then.

You first. Get off your phone or computer.

The school should have rung the parents. Most 8,9 and 10 year olds don’t have phones. No primary school would leave children if an after school club was cancelled. That is an Ofsted safeguarding call and not relevant to this.

I’m an adult and grew up without any tech. I’m also not being damaged like children are today and have the skills to manage phones and life without phones effectively.

No not everyone did survive actually. A call to a parent or police/ambulance could have saved lives. I know of a few instances that I read about. Do you think children are less vulnerable to things happening to them? My daughter had a man kerb crawling her on the way to school, she texted me as she was in a quiet road, I jumped in to the car to get to her but I stayed on the phone. I believe it was a possible abduction or assault. On a less serious level do you just want to survive in life or do you want the convenience being able to look up a bus timetable, or call your mum that you will be late as there is an unexpected after school activity? I’d be worried if my child didn’t come home when expected.

I managed get home from school for the entire 7 years without a mobile phone because they hadn't been invented yet so it's hard to relate. You need to give details of what the incident was and how not having a phone put your daughter in danger. Also you need to be less dramatic if you are going to raise this with the school. You are better off being logical and calm if you are going to try to make a strong case to the school and you will need to collect evidence over time, not have a knee jerk panic which literally everyone will ignore and which will provoke the school to double down. It is mobile phones themselves that cause most harm to young people through allowing them access to all sorts of weirdos and criminals on line, increasing their anxiety and causing mental health problems through social media. You will have to make an extremely strong case to counter that.

Why are so many posters trying to find ways for the children to break the rules and have hidden phones, etc? No wonder children can’t follow rules and behave! Parents should be setting a good example and supporting the decisions made by schools.

I’d be worried if my child was so terrified of life that they couldn’t make short journeys without phones. And we wonder why anxiety levels amongst children are so high. 🙄

This is what I wondered.

Far more likely that having a phone, switched on and ready to use, would mean the child was a) seen as vulnerable because they were distracted and not paying attention to their surroundings and b) advertising the fact that they had a phone. Most “incidents”, and bearing in mind we don’t actually actually know what happened or the time line, happen in seconds, so leaving no time to call for help on a phone.

Better to teach your child places where they need to keep away from, how to be aware of circumstances and what to do in an emergency .

Relying on a phone to protect you is like telling a child that being able to swim means they don’t need to be aware of water safety, rip tides, swimming in reservoirs, jumping in after dogs, diving off cliffs or any of the other water hazards that sadly take lives every year.

I hope the OPs child is none the worse for the experience, but blaming it on a school rule about phones is not what caused the incident.

So sorry for your poor DD. I think you could ask for a special dispensation due to the traumatic event she suffered. Make a meeting with the head to discuss? If you have evidence of the event eg police report, injuries etc then I’d add those.

Or I’d just give her a brick phone in case and hide it. My DS’s school has a similar rule on smart phones (they are allowed a brick though) and they do bag check but don’t go through everything with a fine tooth comb. I’d put it hidden in a lunchbox or food flask and just go with that. Sone of his friends wear shorts under their school trousers with a zip pocket and keep their phones in there. I’d do whatever I needed to in order to keep your dd safe basically. It’s up to you whether you think best to hide it or fight the school.

Just give her a brick phone, have it switched off, at the bottom of her bag, only for emergencies and don't tell anyone.

You can get tiny Nokias that fit perfectly up your bum, would that be an option?

Exactly this! And empowering them to manage in life without being permanently attached to a phone.

Good for you.

Thats great, but I look back through non rose tinted glasses and remember the shit situations old men put me in as a young teen on my own.

There are ways of helping your children, being responsible with technology and dealing with any bullying. Checking phones, locking them down.

”oh but they will get around that!!” Yep. My dad was a puritan man of the church. Didn't stop me sneaking out to get whacked off my face on white lighting in the park. That’s just life.

"Why are so many posters trying to find ways for the children to break the rules and have hidden phones, etc"

Because "parents know best" which overrides the mountain of evidence from schools and safeguarding leads on the impact of mobile phones on schools.

But I am permanently attached to my phone.

My banking app is on there. I pay for things using it. I have to have it on and with me incase my children’s school calls, one had a medical condition. I get phone calls and emails from drs and hospitals. I use my phone as sat nav. If I use public transport, I pay on the bus with it.

Like it or not, all those things are easier with a phone. I don’t even have a computer anymore, I don’t need one.

Thats just life now, and personally, I find it much easier.

I can not believe any teacher would run after a child outside of school or in school for that matter. I don't even see them run to stop.punch ups.

Anyway. Get a brick phone. Turn it off. Put in bag. Job done. No teacher will be hiding in bushes .25 miles from school to catch them out. Teachers can not easily search bags normally. The school will have a bag search policy. Or just ask if she can hand her brick phone in?

All my kids schools have a no phone policy. Not one school says no phone on route. It's hand it in or into a pouch. Ie it can go in, it's just can't be accessed and for youngest it has to be a brick phone.

Getting drunk in the park is sadly 100times safer than being in a bedroom on a phone. You are incorrect re keeping kids safe on phones,research shows it’s nigh on impossible.