AIBU to keep my sister’s former dog after she moved back?

[WatchTheStormTouchDown]

I’ve name changed as this is a very outing situation. I wasn’t sure whether to post in the dog house but opted for here.

My sister moved abroad 7 months ago due to her husband’s work. They were originally moving for 3 years but my sister didn’t settle there so they’ve split up and my sister has come back with her children.

When they were planning to leave, they asked if we would look after their dog temporarily for the 3 years and they would have him back when they returned. We thought it over and said we would only take the dog if it was permanent. We knew our children would get attached to the dog and didn’t want them being upset when the dog had to be returned. They looked at other options but eventually agreed, reluctantly. Microchip/ownership was changed over to us and we pay all costs.

My sister is now back much sooner than planned with her kids and they’ve asked for the dog back. He is our dog now and completely settled in with us. We would all be heartbroken to not have him.

My whole family is piling on guilt and pressure for us to give the dog back. They’re using the kids to emotionally manipulate and saying my sister has enough on her plate with the split and having her dog back would help the children settle back home. They’re also saying that as the dog has only been with us for 7 months, we should give him back as it’s not long enough for him to have settled. My niece and nephew are upset but that isn’t surprising with moving countries, being without their dad and now moving back all within a few months.

We don’t intend to give him back. He isn’t a toy to be passed around when people change their minds and plans change and he has a great life with us. If we don’t give him back, I think it will cause a permanent rift in our family. Are we being unreasonable to keep the dog because we can’t give him up? I don’t believe it’s in his best interests anyway.

@WatchTheStormTouchDown as you only agreed on the condition it was lermanent, I don’t see why she is complaining. If it were a few weeks, that would be different of course.

Aside from her having agreed to ‘permanent’, if you give the dog back, 2 sets of kids will be upset.

How so ? You said the dog had lived happily with the other family for 3.5 years. That was under different circumstances - the sisters’ husband was working from home and there with the dog. The new circumstances are that sister will be a single mum, at work and the dog will be left alone while she does that. She will also be moving home and ferrying her children backwards and forwards to see their dad in another country. And given how recent the break up is, it’s also possible that they will reconcile and sister will be off abroad again. I don’t think that’s an environment to put any animal into.

I think your sister is completely out of order putting any pressure on this at all. Your family, too. 7 months is a long time, it's not "a few months", and she knew the conditions and agreed to them. And the conditions were very emotionally intelligent on your part, knowing how you'd all be affected once you got attached.

I also feel that if she really loved the dog that much, truly saw him as non-negotiable family, she wouldn't have even ever considered moving somewhere without him! Let alone passing him around various friends. I would never move overseas and leave my dog! Not even for a year!

If she is willing to move closer to you, it could work because maybe she could see the dog, maybe get a full weekend with your dog each month, or whatever you agree to, and work out a kind of "visitation" type thing that suits everyone. She'd probably be much better as a fun auntie kind of thing. She's going to have to come around to it. I also think it's f'ing selfish of her to want him back knowing he's literally just going to be left alone half the week, if not more. But she sounds pretty selfish anyway, if I'm honest (sorry, not trying to bash your sister, but I just feel for you in this situation - and your dog!).

what is all this bizarre veiled judgement of single parent families? Single parents are perfectly capable of having and taking good care of pets FFS.

Quote: We don’t intend to give him back. He isn’t a toy to be passed around when people change their minds and plans change and he has a great life with us. If we don’t give him back, I think it will cause a permanent rift in our family. Are we being unreasonable to keep the dog because we can’t give him up? I don’t believe it’s in his best interests anyway.
100% This!!!

For the sake of the dog please keep him.

This thread should be titled

' reminder that no good deed goes unpunished'

OP’s reward is:
Keep him: you’re the heartless aunt who won’t give devastated children their dog back.
Return him: lose the dog you’ve been explicitly encouraged to love as your own.
Family: Have you considered simply doing the right thing? 🙄

She gave the dog to you with very clear understanding that it was permanent. You didn’t ask for her dog, you did it as a favour. She needs to accept the consequences of the decision she made. You are not prepared to make your children lose another dog or give a dog a worse quality of life because she wants to change the agreement that she made.

OP you sound like a very responsible dog owner and I think its in the dogs best interest to stay with you and your family in a nice settled home with a companion dog too. I'm sure if the dog had shown more attachment to your DS when she visited and tried taking him out you would have thought differently. I'm sure your DS will see that in the long run. YANBU

Nah definitely keep the dog, his qol is far superior with you, a half hour walk with a dog walker (which may get cancelled if any financial concerns as a single parent) is not the same as the life he enjoys with your family.

I don’t think anyone is judging single parent families here. It’s more a matter of what the dog in question is used to, and this dog has been used to company during the day when he was with Dsis, and again with OP. Putting him into an environment where his owner is at work all day isn’t in his best interests because that’s not what he’s used to - not because a single parent is in any way unfit to own a dog.

Some are, but planning to leave a dog all day except for a 30 minutes walk with a walker is not taking good care of a dog. It will be left more than that as well because OP has said her sister doesn’t have much support where she is but will need to be taking the children to multiple hobbies,

My friend is a single working mum with a dog, Her dog goes to her parents for the days she works and she has me as backup too. I am having him on Sunday as she will be out for the afternoon and evening She wouldn’t dream of leaving him for 9/10 hours a day with just a 30 minutes walk. It so cruel, more so after a dog has had so much company and another dog as a best pal.

OP I have not read all the posts. You sound like a kind and considerate person and dog owner.

Your sister sounds selfish and is weaponising this situation by getting family involved.

I think the best thing for your dog is for him to stay with you.. The relationship with your sister will always be fractured due to her behaviour and your dog deserves better than going back to live with her.

If she was serious about wanting him back, should have been funding his care.
Sister gets a new dog - there are enough needing a home

I’ve read back through my posts and I don’t think I’ve been overly aggressive, and I’ve only been rude in response to posters being rude to me. Swearing isn’t banned by MN and I’ve sworn - very mildly - in three of my posts. And the swearing was more descriptive than directed at other posters.

This is a public forum, I’ve debated with posters, agreed with some and disagreed with others. You’re as entitled to your opinion as I am mine but calling out my ‘behaviour’ as unhealthy is a personal attack - you’ve also questioned my personal circumstances and my reasons for engaging with the thread in a very rude way, so your comments here are all a bit pot, kettle, black, aren’t they ?

And I didn’t disagree with your point about the breed specific rescue - because I didn’t engage with it. I’ll leave it there as I’ve no wish to derail OP’s thread any further.