to leave ten year old twins in a cafe while I swim?

[justkeepswimminginalake]

I’m a single parent to ten year old twins and I was hoping to start open water swimming again. There’s a swimming lake near me which has an onsite cafe and I was thinking about leaving the boys in the cafe by themselves while I swim. We’ve been to the cafe a few times and it’s fairly chilled, mostly swimmers (and their friends/families), young families and old people. It’s also next door to the reception area for the swimming lakes so if they feel uncomfortable there’s somewhere else they can go.

Would I be unreasonable to order them breakfast and a drink and leave them there for half an hour while I swim. They’re generally pretty sensible and I’d pack Yotos with headphones, and some games and books for them to entertain themselves. There’s no one else who can take them.

Which is exactly why kids need to be savy and independent. It's the oversheltered kids with no idea about the real world that get into trouble. Teach them. don't shelter them away. Also they are 10 and 2 of them. You think some dirry old man is going to try it on with 2 at once??

My DC both got the bus to secondary school at age 11 and made their own way home with a key and waited for me to get home. This is London too. Not sure why the general consensus is that it’s a terrible idea tbh! I’d give it go op.

Of course, enjoy your swim.

I have an outdoor, rural cafe. I get quite a lot of 10/11yr olds walking up with a friend for a milkshake or hot chocolate during the summer holidays. They’re mostly very well behaved. And while I wouldn’t accept responsibility for them I’d be quite happy for two 10yr olds to sit at a table for half an hour with a purchase if they were well behaved. If they weren’t I’d tell you not to leave them on their own again. Why not speak to the café owner and see if they’d be happy for your boys to sit with a drink for half an hour while you swam.

YANBU

The uproar over this on here is something else! No wonder so many are failing to launch these days.

I think it's better than leaving them at home for longer. The only thing I wouldn't do is buy them food. I have a rule when we pop out that our children can drink but not eat. I'm just worried about not being there if they choke.

Our local library allow children to be unattended there from age 8 (although I've never left mine at the library), and the gym I use, if my DH isn't at home, I'll bring mine with me and they sit in the café there. They don't need anyone to childmind them before anyone comments that!

OP I really wouldn't let the majority on here sway you against doing this - your children are 10 YEARS old, not 10 months old!

I don’t let my 10 yr old do this & I didn’t do this at 10 but maybe it’s location specific.

My yr 7 12 yr old does this

I would also suggest if you want to do this awful
idea you need to communicate with said childcare cafe what you intend to do and allow them to give you their opinion on the matter seems as though they’ll be the adults responsible for your child while your gone

You'd be in the wrong in that instance. Where does it end? At what age do we allow children to learn basic life skills, and some resilience and independence?

I work with teens and they are not okay. So many of our young people are so scared and anxious and lacking confidence in basic social situations. Let's end this, we can end it! We can teach children that they are functioning members of society capable of doing difficult things. They can socialize in the real world, they can come off line, they can interact and engage with people they don't know, they can keep themselves safe. Let's give kids that gift of trust and resilience so they don't become teenagers with significant anxiety

My DS caught a paedophile trying to interact with a 10-year-old in the men's toilets. Luckily, my DS intervened.

Totally agree. So no parent should ever go swimming or take a bath in case they drown?!? This thread is batshit.

Maybe the OP doesn’t have a lake at home?

Is this a reverse? Are you one of the 10 year olds?

Some of these responses are wild. I would leave my child in a cafe, yes. If you are worried about it though could they come and sit and watch you lakeside? On camping chairs with a picnic?

Kids here (and elsewhere from what I understand) can walk to and from school from Year 5, which will be 9 years for most kids. I don’t see an issue with it personally. They’re not toddlers!

Also a single parent.
I left my 10 year old sitting in race HQ while I raced. There were adults there. I would talk to one of the organisers (running the cake stall or just milling around) and ask if they minded if my son approached them if he needed anything (urgent). He then sat with a book or colouring or whatever he was into. I trusted him to speak to an adult if he needed to and not wander off. The running community is pretty friendly and often someone would offer to take him under their wing. Open water swimmers are similar I think.

I feel the need to clarify that the open water is a small manmade lake (approx 100x100m from my crude Google Maps estimate), which is lifeguarded, is fairly busy, and I would wear a bright coloured swim cap and tow float. Maybe a swimming pond would have been a better description. It really doesn’t feel much different in safety to swimming in a pool.

Ok, well done your son. But that isn’t the norm. We can’t go through life thinking two nearly secondary aged children are going to get attacked in a cafe by a paedophile.

It will be longer than half and hour once you’ve showered and changed. Why don’t you bring a grandparent or friend?

Im so confused. My youngest is 10 and just gone in to her last year of junior school where they are now allowed to walk themselves to and from school. She stays at home for short periods on her own (never more than an hour) and goes to the shop/post office etc to run errands for me.
She often comes to work with me and sits in a different area doing homework on watching a series on her phone.
Fair enough shes the youngest of 5, oldest ones being 26 and 20 so maybe I have relaxed a little over the years but my mind is blown over the first few comments! Even near water. Two 10 year olds should be more than capable of sitting quietly together for an hour in a busy place with snacks and things to entertain them or am I missing something? They will be at secondary school next year surely? At what age do other people start teaching children some independence, trust and responsibility?

I’m a fully functioning 30 year old who worked from the age of 16 and was able to get two buses there and back each shift and I managed I was independent. I however wouldn’t trust two immature 10 year olds to sit in a cafe I’d leave them at home in any case so that I knew they wouldn’t become staffs problem or a problem for other customers. I have a 4 year old currently and I couldn’t dream of leaving her sat alone in 6 years in a cafe.

The OP should share her intentions with the cafe staff.

Irresponsible behaviour.

pretty much every fast food and cafe locally has a heap of pre teens and teens in after school and weekends, all manage without any handwringing, they’re customers, as long as they’re well behaved this is a totally normal thing (teens/pre teens eating/drinking with friends and not parents) to do.

Your two 10 year old sons need to be supervised at all times as standard. Of course they can be in their room alone while you're home etc, but leaving them home alone, for over an hour? At that age? Absolutely not.

No chance in hell would I leave them alone in a cafe for 30 mins where you can't at least see eachother, either, but I know people that probably would.

It's not that you shouldn't trust your kids, it's that you should never trust other people when they're alone.