to leave ten year old twins in a cafe while I swim?

[justkeepswimminginalake]

I’m a single parent to ten year old twins and I was hoping to start open water swimming again. There’s a swimming lake near me which has an onsite cafe and I was thinking about leaving the boys in the cafe by themselves while I swim. We’ve been to the cafe a few times and it’s fairly chilled, mostly swimmers (and their friends/families), young families and old people. It’s also next door to the reception area for the swimming lakes so if they feel uncomfortable there’s somewhere else they can go.

Would I be unreasonable to order them breakfast and a drink and leave them there for half an hour while I swim. They’re generally pretty sensible and I’d pack Yotos with headphones, and some games and books for them to entertain themselves. There’s no one else who can take them.

Wowee i must be a terrible mother! As long as you can trust them to behave well in a cafe while you're not there, id say it's fine. But then, I let my 10yo cycle to the park all by himself 😬 and even the shop! The independence did him a world of good. Best if you (or someone close by) can be contacted in emergency though. Good luck with your channel swim!

Why would they be safer at home. Accidents are far more likely to happen in the home than elsewhere

I think that’s crazy particularly as you are around water.

I think this is a shit idea if you ask me. There’s no way on earth I’d leave my children in a cafe while I swam for one it would not be an enjoyable swim for me I’d be worried about them and secondly you might not want “ childcare” but certainly you are asking for it. If I was a cafe worker and I seen two children on their own or their mother leave I’d feel like I’d have to/want/need to watch over them to ensure their safety and it would be my duty to safeguard them. do they not attend school where you can find time to do this while they are there? I could not rest or enjoy an activity knowing I’ve left them alone

I think the cafe staff might notice if two young children were left alone for any length of time and not be particularly happy about it! You're basically expecting them to be responsible for your kids.

I would do it OP, since you have confidence in those particular children and that particular place. Ten is old enough to be out alone and there is no reason to think they would fall in the water.

Clearly, the OP wants to create a safeguarding issue. The cafe employees should not have to worry about the OP abandoning her kids so she can go swimming.

@justkeepswimminginalake - could you hire a local teenager to supervise them in the cafe?

Yes everyone has lots of annual leave to take to exercise.

Also there’s no childcare in school holidays etc when they get to secondary age….. because they’re expected to be at home whilst parents are working and manage leaving and returning perhaps even to a cafe!! It’s very age appropriate and I’d argue even sensible to be building up these skills now.

This is not standard for all 10 year olds though. Plenty of secondary dc are driven by parents

I feel like they are slightly too young. I’d say 12 would be fine.
The concern for me would be
it’s a public place they don’t know that well and they are totally unsupervised
they are near open water
they could wander off and no one would know
theres (I assume) a car park outside the cafe , potentially there could be a accident
something could happen to you

‘abandoning’ 10 year olds in a cafe for 30 minutes. Get Social Services on the line immediately!

@BlueFahrenheitim assuming something awful has happened to you or someone you know, and im sorry for that, or that you suffer extreme levels of anxiety, but its not fair to be all over this thread making a mum feel guilty to do a perfectly normal thing. In fact, we MUST expose our children to be outside their comfort zone occasionally, otherwise they aren’t ready for adult hood. It’s also extremely damaging to baby children and not allow them to do perfectly normal things.

I agree. My DC have all been allowed to go to the park alone (with their friends) from age 10/11, and sometimes I give them some money to get a milkshake or something in cafe. I can’t see how this is any different from what OP is suggesting.

I actually think this is fine. I would have left my 10yo for 30mins with some food and a book or gameboy. If they’re sensible then what you describe sounds safe. They’re 10.

Have things really changed so much in 12 years? When my kids were 10, they would leave school with their friends on a Friday and go and get a slice of pizza in town and hang out in the park before I picked them up a couple of hours later. They LOVED Fridays. How is this any different?

Can't you go when they're at school or book them into breakfast club and go then? Probably be cheaper than getting them breakfast at a cafe.

If you can only go at the weekend, are there any sports/activity clubs you can get them into on a Saturday morning so you can go.

As the parent of twin boys (now adults) I couldn't imagine I'd have left them at that age. Especially not near a body of water.

Kids/teens can occasionally do stupid shit no matter how sensible you think they are!

I’d be more inclined to leave them at home for an hour

Gosh, I thought I was above averagely careful with my kids until I read this thread. OP, I would consider this an alright thing to do given that the kids are sensible and the cafe is as described. My 9 year-old was once inexplicably desperate to come to the gym with me and my friends rather than stay home with her dad, so she came and sat on a little sofa in the reception area reading a book while I worked out. It was fine. I popped my head round to check on her every now and again, which you can't do, but your children are older and with each other. The children are extremely unlikely to need anything from anyone while you swim, so I don't get the comments about you expecting people to take care of them.

I don’t actually think letting your 10 yr old walk to school if the same as leaving them in a cafe.

Then exercise at home.

🙄

I think it’s a brilliant idea
Go and enjoy your swim. They’re ten, not two. Try it out this week and if it doesn’t work out, try again in a few months.
as long as they don’t prat around in the cafe no one will care, other than the holier-than-thou brigade (who will be wringing their hands in five years when they come to awful realisation that their little darling isn’t able to cross a busy road on their own)

As long as they’re sensible and well behaved, I don’t think 10 is too young. I’d make sure to ask the staff if they did behave, because if there’s any monkey business you’ll have to put a stop to it.