to leave ten year old twins in a cafe while I swim?

[justkeepswimminginalake]

I’m a single parent to ten year old twins and I was hoping to start open water swimming again. There’s a swimming lake near me which has an onsite cafe and I was thinking about leaving the boys in the cafe by themselves while I swim. We’ve been to the cafe a few times and it’s fairly chilled, mostly swimmers (and their friends/families), young families and old people. It’s also next door to the reception area for the swimming lakes so if they feel uncomfortable there’s somewhere else they can go.

Would I be unreasonable to order them breakfast and a drink and leave them there for half an hour while I swim. They’re generally pretty sensible and I’d pack Yotos with headphones, and some games and books for them to entertain themselves. There’s no one else who can take them.

What country do you live in where this is illegal?! I can't imagine living somewhere like this it must be awful.
Here in the UK (surrey) my 10 year old thats just entered year 6 and her friends are now allowed to walk to and from school alone and most go along to the park to play for a while after school before walking themselves home. How sad some countries would actually arrest parents for letting their children start to grow up

By some peoples reactions you would think the children were 2 rather than 10. Gr8 plan to send them in on their own, order food etc as a trial run to see how they go. I wouldnt be asking the cafe for permission so to speak. Its setting a precedent that we dont want. They may even be like the unreasonable posters who would jump to the 'its not childcare' even though that isnt what you are doing. Hope you all have a gr8 time with this newfound independence. It is very tricky having no help close by. It meant I rarely left my kids in the first 11 years but I am very much enjoying a bit of freedom. If i had lived in my home town i would have had so much help - not everywhere has community willing to support (and have the support of) incoming lone parents.

This. Press the ‘see all’ link, bottom right hand corner of all op’s posts, to do this!

Could your children also swim at the lake at the same time as you.?

@Besidemyselfwithworry

exactly!! What if she drowns?!

as a mother she shouldn’t really be leaving the house full stop - what if she gets knocked down for example??

10 and 11 year olds (yr 6 and above) are unsupervised in public places all the time! Not least, walking to and from school. Yr 6’s are encouraged to do this to prepare for possibly much longer journeys under their own steam when they go to secondary school the following year. It starts to give them confidence that they can actually do things safely by themselves without relying on adults every step of the way. How are they ever going to learn to navigate the world if they can’t be in public places alone aged 10? That’s just ridiculous!

As a mother she shouldn’t be staying in the house either remember. Most accidents happen at home.

Okay - I imagined you leaving them there for an hour and them ending up squabbling over something like siblings sometimes do.

I think this is fine. Many 11 year olds get themselves to and from secondary school just fine and then let themselves in to an empty house. There’s two of your kids and they’re in a public place. If I saw two 10 year olds in a café together I wouldn’t bat an eyelid. As long as they’re sensible and not causing any trouble.

Just try not to drown OP! And if you do, the boys being in a café is the least of your worries.

So they're just going into year 5 at school? We have children start to walk home alone here at this age. I'm surprised at the number of people here that think sitting in a cafe for 30 minutes is an issue. I think they'd be fine.

You can see why there are so many snowflakes walking out into the world now. There are more being raised by some of the people on this thread.

Also, this what if she drowns business, what if she drowns when someone is looking after them. Is she never supposed to swim?!

Yes in hindsight, it was really quite foolhardy to have the children in the first place if OP knew she wasn't even immortal.

Glad you've decided to give it a go OP. It's always risky asking on here because too many people are ridiculously overcautious and think you should never do anything for yourself. As long as your DC are able to sit quietly in the cafe and not disturb other customers or staff, I don't see the issue. It's only half an hour, it's not like you're going to be leaving them all morning.

You know your kids. If they are sensible enough, why not! Enjoy your swimming x

I absolutely wouldn't ask the cafe, that makes it sound like you want to use them as childcare. As you've already said they don't actually need looking after and I'd hazard a guess that no one at the cafe will bat an eyelid at two lads having their breakfast and eating cake.

I think you should go for it, doing a "dry run" is a great idea. Kids need to gain independence and this only happens when you give them small opportunities like this to show you that they can be responsible and handle the independence. Half an hour in a safe cafe is perfect.

They'll be going in to year 6 if they're 11 in February

So a year from now they might need to get themselves to school and back alone, that's if they're not already doing it.

It would be more of an issue if they couldn't sit and eat nicely in a cafe for half an hour unsupervised at this age.

But I'm now reminded of the poster who's DD12 along with a similar aged friend went into a pub and ordered lemonades each. I can't remember the detail but that was probably an interesting thread.

eta: found it!

My dd popped to the pub this afternoon. | Mumsnet

Hi @justkeepswimminginalake just found that the NSPCC have a useful quiz to help you mentally tick off where you and your kids are at

www.nspcc.org.uk/advice-for-families/home-alone/home-alone-quiz/

Has OP said she's not immortal though? It's quite unfair to assume.

The responses are mostly about the safety of the kids
I’d be more concerned about them bickering, making noise, deciding to play a physical game within the cafe and disturbing other cafe users.

I'd assume OP has taught her children how to behave appropriately in cafes. At 10 years old this shouldn't be a problem.

Yeah if she thinks this is ok she probably leaves kids home alone too………..

irresponsible

There was an 8 year old killed at a zebra crossing near me sone years ago. She was holding her mother's hand at the time. Surely even the most neurotic parents would consider that safe.

So the " what is" are a bit extreme

Why not just leave them at home? I mean of course you can bring your children to a public cafe, but if you are bringing to the cafe because leaving them at home on their own doesn't feel safe, then aren't you bringing them to the cafe to have some supervision, which means you should be paying for childcare.

She's bringing them to the cafe because they want to go. And they will be closer. And they spend time alone at home so she doesn't consider it unsafe