to leave ten year old twins in a cafe while I swim?

[justkeepswimminginalake]

I’m a single parent to ten year old twins and I was hoping to start open water swimming again. There’s a swimming lake near me which has an onsite cafe and I was thinking about leaving the boys in the cafe by themselves while I swim. We’ve been to the cafe a few times and it’s fairly chilled, mostly swimmers (and their friends/families), young families and old people. It’s also next door to the reception area for the swimming lakes so if they feel uncomfortable there’s somewhere else they can go.

Would I be unreasonable to order them breakfast and a drink and leave them there for half an hour while I swim. They’re generally pretty sensible and I’d pack Yotos with headphones, and some games and books for them to entertain themselves. There’s no one else who can take them.

Sorry lost all that. Then it seems fine to me. In fact it's probably safer because they are less likely to do anything unsafe (even accidently) in a cafe.

At least read the OPs comments before commenting, she is happy leaving them home alone but they want to go to the cafe for a treat.

I'm amazed at the upset about this - it seems totally fine to me! My 11 year old walks to and from school by himself and goes to the shops with his friends. He sometimes goes to a cafe after school on a friday for an ice cream. All fine.

What on earth do people think will happen?

They are 10, not 3 . I’m sure op knows how her kids behave in public.

YABU. Parenting your DS’s isn’t other cafe customers or staff’s responsibility. Hire a babysitter.

It’s irresponsible too - what if they start fighting, or are harassed or worse by a stranger in the loos?

YABU

She has explained that they are sensible and aren't likely to squabble.

Also being harassed in the loos could happen anyway. They are 10 so I would be sending them to the male toilets!

Some of these what ifs are things that could happen even if mum was present or arranged a babysitter (if you want to go down that route, are all childminders trustworthy? Abuse often happens by people you know).

What 'parenting' is needed for two 10 YOs sitting eating breakfast in a cafe? The OP is confident they'll behave while they're eating.

As for them coming to any harm, it sounds like a relatively safe environment. People who swim at organised lakes are generally very honest and upstanding citizens. It's the sort of place where you can leave your belongings at the side of the lake and no-one will touch them. So that almost certainly extends to the OP leaving DC in the cafe for half an hour while she swims.

I’m shocked by your responses so far OP. They are 10 and together yes you absolutely can leave them to chill in the cafe as a paying customer if they are responsible girls. They could take a book. it’s a leisure centre! . In a years time they’ll be travelling to school and wanting to meet up with friends, nice chance too for them to practice a bit of freedom in a safe environment.

@Whettlettuce

They are ten years old. Not two years old.

@wandererofthekingdom

swimming is selfish and irresponsible once you become a mother.

It often is though! Often. When the 10 yo are not supervised or the parents are out of sight. They're kids, they get carried away.

But if the OP's kids can be relied on to behave as taught , no problem.

Jumped the shark there

At 11 (so one year older) we were taken on school trips to theme parks etc and left to wander round on our own for the whole day. We even sat down at the cafe at lunch time unsupervised.

A cafe where staff are potentially first aid trained is probably a much better place for it to happen than doing home work in their bedroom whilst mums downstairs cooking but bet they would never say that situation was inappropriate

Or they sit there feeling grown up and eat some cake, read a book, play on a switch and act sensibly like a lot of 10 year olds are.

I’m surprised at the choking concerns. They’ve been allowed to help themselves to snack or breakfast at weekends at home for years. I can’t remember how long but I’m pretty certain it was around six. I’d be surprised if most ten year olds haven’t been allowed to do the same sometimes and all eating is as supervised as it was when they were toddlers.

Most cafes would not allow children that age to be unattended I think . I dunno comments on this are wild . When I was ten I would walk a mile home from school through town , fix myself a snack and hang out for an hour at home some days . I understand this isn’t really a thing nowadays but fgs .

I asked them earlier what they thought and they were excited at the thought of being so grown up to be allowed in a cafe on their own and that what I expected. If I had any doubts that they’d be silly or fight then I wouldn’t have thought about it. I’m as sure as I can be that they won’t make a scene.

I think it sounds great, OP. And this thread has given me lots of food for thought about my own ten year old so thanks for the nudge!

Mumsnet is the last place i'd ask for advice about leaving children unattended. Half an hour will be fine

No one would ever go anywhere with this attitude.

I've never seen any cafes stating rules on this tbh. Can you give me examples of those cafes who WONT allow kids in

No I can’t but I can’t name any that state you can either .

Why would they? Nor have any stated that women can do in. Or black people.

Therefore if it doesn't state they can't you'd assume they can

Was going to use dogs as an example but rarely see no dogs allowed signs anymore

I was refused a table at an ice cream parlour at 12 with a friend . That was years ago .for being “unaccompanied “. I can still remember it because we were so offended . There was no sign outside saying it .
Plenty of places have signs saying “no unaccompanied minors “. I mean it’s sort of borderline at ten . If the staff were asked directly can they stay here on their own for a bit they would feel uneasy I’m sure . I’m not against it personally I feel most ten year olds would be fine and places like mc Donald’s have no issue with it which is no different in theory .