Wow a lot of responses, so here’s some answers to the most common points. Their birthday is in February so pretty much in the middle of the academic year. In terms of what independence they have, they walk down the road to friends, to the park, to our local sweet shop in town which involves crossing our minor road and using a zebra crossing, and if we need a few bits from a shop on our way home I often pull up and one of them goes into to the shop on his own. I’ll leave them at home to nip out to the shop, if I walk maybe 20-30 minutes. I see them going into town and buying sweets as more risky than sitting in a cafe. They haven’t used public transport alone and their independence other than the park seems to mostly be walking to places rather than staying in places. I need to start working on public transport because one wants to try secondary school next year and I think his brother will follow so I need to get them both confident on the bus together and separately.
I can’t go while they’re at school because they don’t go to school. They’re home educated while I work from home. Even if they were in school, I can’t take 90 minutes from my work day to go swimming. It’s just me and the boys and there’s no family nearby who can watch them while I swim. We have local friends I would happily call on in an emergency but a weekly standing childcare arrangement in the evening or at the weekend for 90 minutes at a time, which probably wouldn’t need to be reciprocated feels like piss taking to me. I’m not convinced there are many childminders who would want those times either and calling on a local teen I don’t know feels riskier than them being on their own. As for going for a swim while they’re in a class, it’s 20 minutes away from the nearest town where there’s anything happening and they’re quite busy with activities already and one of them in particular would really resist the idea.
They are generally sensible boys, and while of course they have their moments with silliness and winding each other up, I have no doubts about their ability to sit at a table for half an hour while I swim and if I did then I wouldn’t have thought of it. There was no expectation that the cafe would be childcare because at ten years old, they don’t need looking after for such a short period. This plan only just occurred to me today when one of them asked to go to the cafe, so I hadn’t considered other options which have come up such as leaving them at home, or getting an Apple Watch so I could see calls and texts coming in from them.
IAs for if they can swim with me, I double checked the lake’s rules because I had in my head they were too young and they can’t swim until 11. One of them would call the police on me himself if I suggested getting into a lake in February, the other might be up for joining me but they feel safer together to me and all the times we’ve been to the cafe by the lake, neither have been interested in swimming. That might be because they prefer to go paddle boarding though.
I could drown, or they could choke but those risks seem tiny. They’re old enough to go to the kitchen and grab snacks without me knowing, and I could drown in the bath. We could all get injured in a car accident on the way over. I just don’t consider those risks high enough to outweigh the benefits of them having more independence and me getting to swim.
I still haven’t decided what to do. I was pretty shocked by the initial blanket negativity and posters saying I should be arrested. Even though I thought it would be a discussion I didn’t expect the strength of feeling about it. I was thinking fifteen minutes after I posted that it was a totally terrible idea, but now the thread is more mixed, I’m considering it more again. I think my plan is to go to the cafe with the boys, give them some money and let them order and sit alone in the cafe while I’m outside (in the cafe outdoor seating out of view) to test run and see how it works when I’m out of sight, but also there. Then take it from there. I feel confident they’ll be fine because they have the carrot of breakfast out and cake every week if we do go ahead. I think it will be good for them to have that extra independence, and also to see me doing something I want to do and they have to sit and wait while I do will be good for them as well. I can’t see how it would be a problem for the cafe if it became a regular thing either. They’d be two extra regular customers who would be as much bother as any other customer.
I think that’s most points answered.