to leave ten year old twins in a cafe while I swim?

[justkeepswimminginalake]

I’m a single parent to ten year old twins and I was hoping to start open water swimming again. There’s a swimming lake near me which has an onsite cafe and I was thinking about leaving the boys in the cafe by themselves while I swim. We’ve been to the cafe a few times and it’s fairly chilled, mostly swimmers (and their friends/families), young families and old people. It’s also next door to the reception area for the swimming lakes so if they feel uncomfortable there’s somewhere else they can go.

Would I be unreasonable to order them breakfast and a drink and leave them there for half an hour while I swim. They’re generally pretty sensible and I’d pack Yotos with headphones, and some games and books for them to entertain themselves. There’s no one else who can take them.

Another that doesn’t think it’s necessarily unreasonable. Here we have middle school in a nice area and kids start walking home in mid year 5 and I assume yours are year 6. Some will go to the local park with friends or at least parents leave them in the park whilst they pop in the shops etc which sounds pretty similar. I’d mainly be thinking if mine could behave quietly in a cafe and not argue

Wow I’m very surprised by the replies! Depends on your 10 years olds but my boy is very sensible and I wouldn’t think twice about leaving him in a cafe.

I actually have 3 jobs and it was just a suggestion ok.

Iocanepowder
yes everyone has lots of annual leave to take to exercise

I work in retail- I work three days a week and Saturday and Sunday so some of us would have an hour on a weekday while the kids are at school- I wasn’t saying it as a privilege thing!!!!

I don’t think it’s appropriate to leave ten year olds in a cafe without adult supervision. I don’t think the people working there would appreciate it either. Could you get the kids into a lesson of some sort that would give you some time to yourself to swim? It’s amazing that you’re aiming for such as huge open water swim. Try to find a way to get back into the water. 😊

It is common practice at my gym for children this age to be unattended in the cafe while their parents do activities. Most sit with a drink and their iPad, or use the time to do their homework.

10 year olds who are confident swimmers are also allowed to use the pool without adult supervision.

I don’t think it is a crazy idea if they’re sensible.

They'd be in a public place with no legal guardian around wouldn't they. If anything happened the Op would be swimming. Nobody with any sense suggests leaving 10 year old twins in a cafe while they go swimming.

The difference appears to be that it's a mother doing something for herself while her children do something entirely age-appropriate (ie sit in a cafe unsupervised for half an hour.)

How very dare she.

They are ten , left in a cafe with no legal guardian around. Anything could happen but its ok because op can be found easily while swimming due to a cap and floaty!!!! Seriously. Im all for not coddling my kids am probably the most lax parent but even i wouldn't do this

many people have given examples of their 10 year olds being in public places without an adult - walking to and from school, playing in the park, going to cafes with their friends.
What age do you think children can be given some independence?

Year 6 children do all sorts of things out in the world with no legal guardian around.

Year 7 children are expected to do far more - and better those skills are built up in a sensible way beforehand.

Have you ever met a 10 year old?

I’m really surprised at these answers considering the leisure centres in my area allow 9 year olds and over to go swimming by themselves. In a year theyll be off to secondary school so they need to start being trusted. I think this “not primary children” attitude means a shock to the system when they hit secondary school. They go from can’t be left alone for half an hour to being pushed out to travel to school by themselves and finding their way round school by themselves. Surely this is a bit of a big leap in a few weeks if they don’t start getting some freedom
and trust given to them in year 6

It’s quite funny how many of these replies are against this but how many replies on the recent thread asking if she could send her 5 year old to the park alone with only her 12 year old for supervision were totally for it.
It does seem to be the mother doing something for herself in that time changes how people think.
If a 12 year old could be fully responsible for a 5 year old surely two 10 year olds could sit by themselves for an hour?

OP why not do a trial swim for ten mins and then build it up?

when I was in year 6 I would meet up with friends on my bike and go to the beach with no adults. So I’d probably leave them at home rather than a cafe. Depends on the kid I suppose. Mine would have been fine at home for an hour at that age.

Hmm I read it and thought it was fine? It depends on the nature of your children I suppose but I live somewhere where children walk to school on their own in year 5 and my ds, aged 10, met his friends in a cafe during the summer holidays without parents. He is very sensible and risk averse though.

I’m surprised so many are appalled by this idea. My child is 11 and started high school at 11 and has to walk to a bus stop and get a public bus alone to school. Sometimes she stops at the shop on the way home for a snack. She is the youngest in her school year so I have no choice, I can’t change her birth month, but now I feel bad as though at age 11 she shouldn’t be out anywhere without me??? I’d feel much better if she had a sibling with her.

What age DO people let their children out alone???

Also I regularly go to London for work meeting and there are loads of high school kids getting the tube alone. Some of them must be 11.

Quite.

Is this a side effect of driving culture? Places where you have to drive to get anywhere so kids have less opportunities to build up skills by first going places by foot/public transport with their parents and building up "street smarts" over time, school is a drive or a much longer walk, and fewer opportunities to eg start to nip to the shop/playground after school, get left in the park for fifteen minutes while parents nip over the road for coffee, etc.

I can see that it's much harder to make the transition to letting your children be out in the world alone when their time in the world has been more limited/sanitised/supervised by necessity.

Yes this!

I don't know why people are so concerned over what could happen. Surely sitting in a cafe is a safe place for them to be, potentially safer than at home.

Also as the OP says they have less time alone if they wait in the cafe than if she left them at home.

As already pointed out unless they turned 10 in the last few days they will be year 6. At this age (and even in year 5) many children walk to and from school alone.

A lot of the people who are saying it's fine (myself included) seem to have kids similar age or older than 10 and give examples of similar things their kids have done independently. The posts saying it's unthinkable aren't giving examples of what their kids are allowed to do and seem to be fixated on hazards that are much more an issue with much younger kids.

They might choke - not impossible, you can choke at any age, but not something most people worry much about beyond the toddler age. 10 year olds can generally eat without supervision.

They are near water - a sensible 10 year old isn't going to randomly jump into a lake fully clothed.

One poster says she has a 4 year old and simply can't imagine them being independent in 6 years time. My daughter was incredibly clingy at 4. I couldn't imagine a time when she wouldn't need me constantly. But, guess what, that time came. And now she can eat breakfast all by herself!

A question for the people who wouldn't allow their children the same age as OPs to do this - what do you allow them to do independently?

I think people are being very dramatic, probably based on their own circumstances.

It really depends on:

The maturity of the child
The safety of the area/surroundings.

None of us know either...

For example, in my hometown or the city near where I live? No way - I don't trust it at all, even with a responsible child. But In the tiny village where I spend a lot of my summer these days, where everyone knows everyone and nothing really happens? Yes, I think the risk would be low enough.

I don't know, I think opinions were mixed on that thread as well with a lot of people saying it was a bad idea.

What’s your local leisure centre pool set up like? Just wondering if some indoor swimming (to begin rebuilding your fitness) and the boys sitting along the viewing stands, or if the cafe is only separated by a clear wall/fenced off area that you can see might be a good compromise? Swimming the channel is an amazing ambition - I appreciate the acclimatisation of the cold water is part of your wanting to go to the swimming pond but if you’re doubting if it’s ok the leisure centre might be a nice starting point to build up the trust :)