to leave ten year old twins in a cafe while I swim?

[justkeepswimminginalake]

I’m a single parent to ten year old twins and I was hoping to start open water swimming again. There’s a swimming lake near me which has an onsite cafe and I was thinking about leaving the boys in the cafe by themselves while I swim. We’ve been to the cafe a few times and it’s fairly chilled, mostly swimmers (and their friends/families), young families and old people. It’s also next door to the reception area for the swimming lakes so if they feel uncomfortable there’s somewhere else they can go.

Would I be unreasonable to order them breakfast and a drink and leave them there for half an hour while I swim. They’re generally pretty sensible and I’d pack Yotos with headphones, and some games and books for them to entertain themselves. There’s no one else who can take them.

Yeah exactly, but when we raise children who are told they can't:
Quietly occupy a public space without mum by their side
Walk to school
Go to a shop alone
Order a meal
Be safe off line
Be home alone for periods
Make choices and face consequences...

When we teach kids that they are not able to do these normal things, we are raising anxious teens. It's too late at 14 or 16 to suddenly expect teens to have some resilience and confidence - these attributes need to be developed from childhood

Thats what im asking, would it be safe? - im not familiar with the setting

The lakes I swim at with a cafe, have free rein to wander around and not a manned gate. There are rushes all around the lake, so its a different set up

Ask the questions and ensure the situation is safe as can be.

This thread is 10. Most 10 year olds can sit in a cafe either their twin and read a book, do homework, have a milkshake or something for half N hour. They can walk to and from school on their own at that age.

Assuming they’re going into Y6, in a year’s time - from my experience - many kids at that age can walk into a cafe, order something to eat and consume their food/drink right there. It’s quite normal for kids to do this from Y7 onwards. As such, I expect it’s reasonable for two sensible ten year olds to do the same? I think it just sounds/looks a bit ‘off’ (perhaps because of the image of them sat plugged into a screen or whatnot? And because it looks more like
childcare because you’re doing something yourself?). But, having thought more about it, I don’t think it’s unreasonable. You’ll get judged though! As you can see from responses here. If it’s the only way you can find a way to get some exercise, it’s quite valuable! I was so relieved when I felt I could go for a quick run and leave my two at home (but I always had a friend who I told when I went out and got back - I was paranoid that I’d have a heart attack or be run over!).

Whatever you decide, it’s really not long now before you’ll start having little chunks of time to do things!

Personally I wouldnt do it. I wouldn't leave two 10 year olds in a cafe in a shopping centre while I look around the shops for 30 minutes, so I definitely wouldn't go swimming and leave them. But I know plenty of people who quite happily would do it.

My personal preference in your situation would be to pay a local childminder to stay home with them (a teen looking for a few quid) for 2 - 2.5hrs and I'd head off swimming and then half a nice coffee for myself before rushing home.

If they are paying customers then the staff aren't babysitting. 10 year olds can sit with a drink for 30mins.

It will be against policy at the cafe, theyre minors.

when I was younger it was 8. Age 9/10 I would go swimming whilst my dad went to the gym (in same building)

At my gym kids over 8 who can swim can be unsupervised in the kids pool whilst their parent swims laps in the main pool (as there is a lifeguard). I think better to look around for a pool with a similar arrangement.

Round here it is generally not until Y6 they start walking home.

The status quo shown by most of the replies is precisely why so many teenagers and young adults have little or no resilience or independence these days - they’ve been wrapped in cotton wool all their lives. I used to be a driving instructor, and some of the 17-year-olds I taught behaved as if they had never been anywhere unsupervised, and had barely had to think fit themselves before.

It's a cafe not a bar!

I should think they are more at risk of being abused in their own home with a random childminder than sitting together in a cafe

Don’t be silly. A minor is anyone under 18. Are you suggesting a 17 year old can’t go into a cafe?!

My 11 year old has been into cafes with friends.

I also think this would be fine, I would happily leave my 10yo (and they would be delighted). At our lake kids can swim from 10 as well, can they also come in and swim at the same time?

At our local parkrun kids are often left to play in the park while parents run. The water element of this is a red herring, the chances of you drowning at a lifeguarded lake must be almost zero (maybe some posters don't understand open water swim lake setups, it's not a random body of water); kids can go swimming on their own most places from 8. Year 5s can walk to school and back on their own.

Luckily there is no need as a couple of 10 year olds who will likely be making their own way secondary school soon can sit in a cafe 👍

I guess it depends on the area. We are in a semi rural area and most children live very close to the school so it's pretty safe for them. Plus we're in Scotland and I think children tend to have more freedom from an earlier age here than they do in England.

If you get a smart watch you'd be able to answer when swimming too.

Would they know what to do as well as an adult if something went wrong? Probably not so don't leave them. We were at a National Trust property over summer. Left our 13.5 year old at the cafe while we went for a walk for maybe 20 mins, fire in top field, property evacuated. He was fine, went out with everyone else in the cafe, but it made me wonder whether he is too young. He walks to school alone and goes to the park with friends alone, but it was still scary. If he'd been 10 it would have been awful.

How far is the swimming pool?
If they are ten years old, are they in year 6? If so, and the swimming pool is less than 15 min drive, I'd happily leave them at home. If they have grandparents or good neighbours, can they call or text them if they have a phone or if there is a house phone?

Then you are living in a completely different part of the world to me. Round here, it is completely normal. It’s a just going in to year 5 rite of passage where I live for groups of friends (9yrs old) to go the summer holiday before year 5 when they can walk to school on their own for a milkshake in the cafes. Sometimes a pizza. To get ready for walking to school on their own. They all walk around proud as punch. Makes me smile every summer.

Late primary is the point I started getting the bus into town with friends to go shopping/bringing myself home from school alone to an empty house. I don't see the issue so long as they are happy to and no likely to misbehave. I would have thought the bribe of a nice drink would work well!

If they are sensible and you trust them, yes. My friend and I used to get a bus to the next town and go shopping at that age. You know your child better than anyone on here.

Isn’t it wild! Maybe it’s geographical location based? I live fairly rurally and my local community pool allows 8yos to swim unaccompanied. Kids walk to school and back from age 10. Out on their bikes together, at the playground, in the shop etc.

When are they going to develop any independence if they’re escorted everywhere?

My DS was going to cafés on his own at 10. Of course they'll be fine
Go for it OP, sounds a nice idea