to leave ten year old twins in a cafe while I swim?

[justkeepswimminginalake]

I’m a single parent to ten year old twins and I was hoping to start open water swimming again. There’s a swimming lake near me which has an onsite cafe and I was thinking about leaving the boys in the cafe by themselves while I swim. We’ve been to the cafe a few times and it’s fairly chilled, mostly swimmers (and their friends/families), young families and old people. It’s also next door to the reception area for the swimming lakes so if they feel uncomfortable there’s somewhere else they can go.

Would I be unreasonable to order them breakfast and a drink and leave them there for half an hour while I swim. They’re generally pretty sensible and I’d pack Yotos with headphones, and some games and books for them to entertain themselves. There’s no one else who can take them.

Tbf today’s youth aren’t having dc!

No cafe staff are not there to supervise children even if they are not aware that is what you are doing

And you thinking but you are not asking it of them doesn't make it ok

I have never seen 10-year-old kids alone in a cafe before.

What supervision do 10 year olds need for 30 minutes in a cafe?

Really? All the year 6s in my child’s school hang out at cafes and the like. Totally normal

Op this sounds like a very good idea. It not only gives you the chance to swim but it gives your children age appropriate independence. Sitting in a cafe together eating for 1/2 hr at age 10 is definitely safer than a 9 yr old in yr 5 being allowed to navigate busy roads to get home which many schools allow. I say this as a parent of 3 older children & I have taught this age group & it is definitely nothing out of the ordinary.

Same with my 4 kids. They were driven to school through secondary. Allowed out from age 12 just in the local area. We have a large supermarket for sweets and snacks nearby and plenty of parks to hang in if they didn't want to hang in a house.

Age 14-15 they started getting bus to town and hanging out.

Age 16 bus to college and went where they want, part time jobs, off to Uni, oldest 2 have their own homes in mid 20's. Both very well travelled with friends.

Vulnerable kids don't need to be dumped in the metaphorical 'jungle' to build survival skills. They can be eased in gradually and still be fine.

As always this depends on the child/children. I would have left my 10 year olds in the cafe for half an hour - no qualms. But they were pretty sensible.

I think they are old enough to be left alone for short periods which I why I suggested it. I’ve said several times that I don’t expect any amount of looking after for them because they don’t need it. I can’t imagine what care two sensible ten year olds in a cafe would need. I’ve not provided any physical care for them in cafes for years. I think I said upthread the reason I thought of the cafe idea is one of the boys asked to go to the cafe this weekend. They like the cafe so it would be a treat for them. It makes more sense to me have them in a cafe two minutes away and I’m contactable than 20-25 minutes away at home. Though home is an option too.

If you think your kids are mature enough to be left alone in public then they are mature enough to left alone at home. Most ten year old boys aren't as well behaved as their parents think they are, so don't leave them in cafes, let them stay at home instead.

Yes. And then those kids who lacked the opportunity to develop normal level of self reliance are going to have kids, and it's going to be very hard for society to regain what's lost 😞

At that age mine were going round town on their own - they were only allowed to go round the pedestrianised area, and they had strict instructions as to what to do if there was anything they were worried about. They loved the little bit of independence.

I’m surprised by the comments. They’re nearly in Year 7 so likely walking home from school now or very soon. There are two of them as well. If there sensible and have things to do and eat. I couldn’t see a problem for 30 minutes.

im fairly liberal when it comes to letting children have some independence. My own were walking to school at 8 years old and I was working in an office when they were at secondary, so they had to get the bus home and be at home for an hour at 11 years old and 11 and 10 months

what bothers me about leaving two 10 year olds in a cafe next to the lake - is the water accept of the situation.

I had rules for my two left at home alone at 11 years old, no cooking and no answering the front door under any circumstances

how do you keep your ten year old safe next to water?

Yes and the levels of MH crisis amongst teenagers are spiralling out of control so this mollycoddling is not helping anybody

@LimeShadewhere do you live that cafes are full of 10 yr olds?

With this analogy, why can't they stay at home?

Perhaps, they are not sensible whatsoever.

The OP has said that is also an option but her boys enjoy going to the cafe

I’m genuinely wondering if it’s the cafe in this scenario that seems to be making people lose their mind.

If the OP had asked if her two ten year olds were ok to go to the corner shop or the local park on their own for half an hour I can guarantee you she wouldn’t have had people saying ‘but what if they choke on a bag of pic’n’mix’, or ‘it’s ok, so long as you don’t have a bath while they’re gone in case they come back and find you’ve drowned’, or ‘how dare you expect other parents at the park or the shopkeeper to supervise them you entitled cow’. But apparently two ten year olds in a cafe is UNHEARD of and the height of irresponsibility. Not sure why. Is it the bacon sandwich, or the hot chocolate?!

Two ten year olds could walk into any cafe or diner without an adult and order food and they would be served.

Many kids walk to local leisure centres and go swimming themselves or to play bowling etc.

I'm not sure why everyone seems to think the staff would be babysitting. They won't!
As long as you understand that yourself OP then rock on.

I’d arrive ready to swim, and just strip my cossie/wetsuit off, put my dry robe and crocs on and head. There aren’t showers at this lake.

I think it is ok. Try it and see. But kids with iPads, a burger and a drink will be happy as Larry.

Agree. I feel really sad for them actually - we've let our teens down badly, in part by not giving them opportunities to practice independence and navigating the world

They would be safer left at home. But absolutely not, no. They are too young. Those are the breaks with children. You actually have to look after them and basically get to do sod all until they're older. Can you arrange some childcare so you can swim?

I could imagine leaving two sensible 10 year olds in a cafe together for half an hour yes. That’s not very long. I’m quite surprised at some of the comments on here and I’m usually quite cautious. I have a 13 and a 10 year old and I always jump at the chance to let them have these little bursts of independence if they’re keen. I’m sure by 11 I was walking round the shops on my own/with friends.