DH wants my birthday presents back

[BeRedUser]

So a few days ago I bought 2 nice creams for a total of £50 with some birthday money I was given for my 40th. My dad specifically gave me some money amongst a sentimental present for me to buy something for me only as he knows I don’t do that very often. So I thought I’d treat myself as im on maternity leave and don’t socialise or go shopping any more (actually haven’t done since pre kids in 2021). I’m completely sleep deprived for the past 5 years.
Anyways my DH answered the door and asked what the parcel was, I told him and he went mad. he said how incredibly stupid I was spending that much money on creams. I know it is expensive but I don’t go to salons or anything for facials and I feel crap after having kids so I thought it might just perk me up and feel less tired. DH said how dare I spend that money while I’m mat leave and it should be going towards the bills (bearing in mind 100% of my salary goes on bills
and I have no money of my own afterwards). He took the box away, put it in his car to return it.
Now he says he wants my birthday presents back that he gave me (Garmin watch and an led mask) which I did put back in the box for him. So i am feeling rather sad, I’m left with nothing for myself from my birthday, all we did on the day was go to our usual down the road restaurant, he didn’t make much of an effort on the day.

I feel like divorcing this prick now. I wish my dad knew that his money that he specifically gave to me is going in my DH pocket. Dad should have just given it to him directly instead of me.

Am i being ungrateful and a spoilt brat?

thanks

Wouldn’t it be a shame if some arsenic fell in his cup of tea.

Sometimes I come on MN and am genuinely shocked by what I read. What a repugnant, insecure, abusive man he is.

Make this the first reason you have to leave.

Please tell someone you can trust what’s happening. Can you tell your parents?

Honestly what a bastard. Have you got any savings? Tell you Dad and see if he can help you come up with a plan or help you financially while you're on mat leave. I would keep it to yourself until you're ready to go.

You need to tell your dad what's happened to tge present he gave you and start divorce proceedings, those are not the actions of even a half way decent dh.

I think this man has really got into your head..to such an extent that you have to ask if you are the one being unreasonable x

As soon as you can, take your children to your Dad's and tell him everything you have said on here- and the rest. I bet he will suggest that you don't go back to this nasty piece of work. Or ring Dad and ask him to fetch you while 'the paragon" is at work.

Then file for divorce.

Fucking hell OP divorce this pig bastard now. He's financially abusive and a little cunt to boot. It's impossible that your life won't be better without him.

Tell your Dad what he's done.

Get out, or kick him out tbh, easier for 1 single man to find a home vs 1 woman and x number of kids.

Bet he'd shit himself if he turned up after out on one of his jollies to find your Dad/male friends there telling him to sling his hook.

He's abusive.

The gifts would be the least of my concerns.

Divorce immediately.

Do you really need to ask if you're unreasonable?

Don't get the face creams out the car. Don't give him any hint of what you are going to do.
Can you confide in your dad without him coming round and confronting your awful husband?
You must leave this man, for your own sake and the children, but you must do it safely as well as quickly.
What a terrible account of abuse you have described. Please take care. Please leave.

PLEASE tell your dad. He would want to know and help, believe me.

Shit shit shit - I am so sorry @BeRedUser , it is @Seelybee who is a victim-blamer - I quoted the wrong person - SORRY

Reading this thread broke my heart. I can only imagine how much he is broken you down to this point.
Hes vile.
You need to plan your exit carefully to keep yourself and the kids safe.
FWIW I spend over £200pm on hair, nail and skincare because it helps me feel nice. The piece of scum your married to wants to keep you feeling rubbish, keep your self esteem low and keep you in line. You and your children deserve to be happy.
Divorce him and take half of everything.
Keep safe.

Contact women’s aid for support and for help with making a plan to divorce.
tell your dad what he did aswell, what an abusive bastard. Save yourself and your children from domestic abuse.

The relationship with my parents does not run very deep, they live in another country so I can’t just rock up. I have no way of getting on a flight with 4 kids. I have no one to confide in. I tried to leave before but he said I was kidnapping his kids and used it as him being a victim.

@MNHQ Can it be part of the MN Philosophy ,please, that victim blaming of abused women is deleted?

You'd be better off leaving and claiming child maintenance and benefits. You have no money for yourself anyway.

Making the jump is scary. But your dad could help you secure a flat. Or speak to the council as abuse qualifies you as unintentionally homeless.

Making the jump is scary because you can't see the other side. It's like jumping off a cliff in dense fog, just hoping there's solid ground on the other side. There is, and the grass is lush and the sky is blue and you will be safe and happy and your children will get to see that.

Leave the vile abusive cunt. Tell your Dad. Do not protect this cunt with your silence. The shame is not yours to bare.

You know you’re being abused.

You’ve survived that so you are strong. You can leave.

Your dad would be horrified to hear his girl is being treated this way. Could you confide in him?

he has a good salary so leave, get CMS rolling and find yourself a safe haven where you can buy nice creams if you want and the children are free from listening to their abusive father abuse their mum.

Confide in your parents, doesn’t matter they don’t live in the same country. Explain everything to them, even if you have to message them.