DH wants my birthday presents back

[BeRedUser]

So a few days ago I bought 2 nice creams for a total of £50 with some birthday money I was given for my 40th. My dad specifically gave me some money amongst a sentimental present for me to buy something for me only as he knows I don’t do that very often. So I thought I’d treat myself as im on maternity leave and don’t socialise or go shopping any more (actually haven’t done since pre kids in 2021). I’m completely sleep deprived for the past 5 years.
Anyways my DH answered the door and asked what the parcel was, I told him and he went mad. he said how incredibly stupid I was spending that much money on creams. I know it is expensive but I don’t go to salons or anything for facials and I feel crap after having kids so I thought it might just perk me up and feel less tired. DH said how dare I spend that money while I’m mat leave and it should be going towards the bills (bearing in mind 100% of my salary goes on bills
and I have no money of my own afterwards). He took the box away, put it in his car to return it.
Now he says he wants my birthday presents back that he gave me (Garmin watch and an led mask) which I did put back in the box for him. So i am feeling rather sad, I’m left with nothing for myself from my birthday, all we did on the day was go to our usual down the road restaurant, he didn’t make much of an effort on the day.

I feel like divorcing this prick now. I wish my dad knew that his money that he specifically gave to me is going in my DH pocket. Dad should have just given it to him directly instead of me.

Am i being ungrateful and a spoilt brat?

thanks

That would be the worst thing for her to do. What do you think his reaction will be?

He went fucking crazy over her spending her birthday money, labelling it "theft" from him. Do you really think he will react rationally when he realises that she has defied him?

Someone this controlling is very very dangerous when they fear their control is slipping.

Your dad gave you money for your birthday which you spent on something you wanted and yet DH decided this was wrong

I’m in total shock that you have put up with this

It is financial abuse, emotional abuse and mental abuse

If he earned that amount of money, he’ll be paying a lot of CMS so yes, divorce him

He’s a pig. It’s abusive, financial and emotional abuse at the very least.
way to ruin your birthday too, does he have form for making special occasions all about him.
and it’s not really relevant but it’s very hard to get a decent face cream for under twenty quid now, fifty for two on your birthday is not outrageous.
im sorry.
please rescue your next birthday by getting rid of this nasty individual

Unfortunately, you're in an abusive relationship with a cruel man who doesn't love you.

While you may not be able to up and leave right now, given your situation, I suggest that you begin planning your exit for as soon as is possible, and - as they say on here - get your ducks in a row. Perhaps Women's Aid might be able to help advise you more specifically.

He is not a breadwinner as you pay 40%. He is financially and emotionally abusing you. Even worse that you are on maternity leave. Tell your dad what he has done and leave him. You deserve better than to be treated like this. You will be happier without him. Take care and I hope you start your new happier life soon.

This ⬆️ also citizens advice. Solicitor and legal aid. With his salary you wil not be destitute

It is exactly how abusers and bullies behave.
Nice enough of the time so you think if you just act differently all will be well...
Did you want 4 dc in close succession?
Does he tell you no one else cares like he does? Tell you How lucky you are ?
You are in a cycle of abuse look it up
Get informed documents bank accounts assets equuiy in house etc
See 1. A lawyer 2 a counsellor/womens aid.
You will need to escape.
Let him shout ...warn and tell neighbours do they call police on him when he kicks off
He deserves to be arrested

What a shit he is! I’m sorry OP. Do you have real life support?

There is a book (maybe audible version is safer) called ‘it’s not you’ by dr ramani which has a chapter on if you choose to stay in the relationship, how you can protect yourself.

Presumably you won’t be buying him any birthday presents?

This is so sad. What a horrible, selfish and abusive man he is. In front of your children too.

Please talk to your dad, what a horrible man and a horrible way to be treated. Sending lots of love!

Wow. He’s a divk. He can’t stand the fact you did something for yourself, and not just asking for the gifts back he gave you (wtf) but the ones from your family? He’s an entitled prick and you’re better off without him. He doesn’t respect you and someone who can’t be happy that you do something for yourself is just nasty.

This is abuse.

What a horrible horrible man. This was so upsetting to read. Your dad wanted to treat you and the bastard ruined everything.
I'm not normally a LTB type of poster but this time, well... You don't want to stay, do you.
💐

Op has he deliberately isolated you from your family too.
Please tell me you aren't trapped in an overseas country?

@BeRedUser
What a c-u-en-tee
You do know that you're being abused whilst being belittled financially and verbally don't you?
He's taken everything away from you and thinks you'll do nothing about it but soak it up; Babes you're down but you ain't out!
So tell your father the saga of the facecream and that he's going to be pocketing your Birthday money
If it were me and it were possible I'd go back home to my father's house and also set things out for a future divorce......
And no you're not a spoilt ungrateful brat
He's the shitty one in all this
The twat using his size to intimidate

Oh ffs op pack his or your bags, and get the fuck away from this absolute piece of scum

@Marycontrarygarden Free Will is not the same as Freedom.

And it's victim blaming because its saying 'if only you used your free will, you would not be in this situation, so it is of your own making'

This is unkind and unrealistic to someone who has had financial freedom denied them, and where emotional abuse has carefully and deliberately taken away their confidence to use any free will.

That is the very essence of abuse.

If he’s on a good salary presumably there’s assets, you have a job and he’ll be good for near 1k a month in maintenance. YOU WILL BE FINE. I actually want to punch him 😡

What a complete prick. YANBU.

He is financially and emotionally abusive, do not stay. This is not normal behaviour from a loving caring partner.

you must leave this absolute a*hole. you will be fine, he will have to pay child and spousal maintenance. Just know, you will be much better without him in the end. Don't be afraid to leave him, he is a horrible human being and not a good example to your kids. For the sake of the kids, get away from him.

OP has probably not felt like she had any good choices. But she acquired more info today.
Both about this man and about her options.

She will make choices based on her own understanding of the situation. She’s chosen to stay before now. Tomorrow she might make a different choice.

I know it's hard with young children. But this is horrible. Can you ask your father for help? If you were my daughter, I'd want to help you.