DH wants my birthday presents back

[BeRedUser]

So a few days ago I bought 2 nice creams for a total of £50 with some birthday money I was given for my 40th. My dad specifically gave me some money amongst a sentimental present for me to buy something for me only as he knows I don’t do that very often. So I thought I’d treat myself as im on maternity leave and don’t socialise or go shopping any more (actually haven’t done since pre kids in 2021). I’m completely sleep deprived for the past 5 years.
Anyways my DH answered the door and asked what the parcel was, I told him and he went mad. he said how incredibly stupid I was spending that much money on creams. I know it is expensive but I don’t go to salons or anything for facials and I feel crap after having kids so I thought it might just perk me up and feel less tired. DH said how dare I spend that money while I’m mat leave and it should be going towards the bills (bearing in mind 100% of my salary goes on bills
and I have no money of my own afterwards). He took the box away, put it in his car to return it.
Now he says he wants my birthday presents back that he gave me (Garmin watch and an led mask) which I did put back in the box for him. So i am feeling rather sad, I’m left with nothing for myself from my birthday, all we did on the day was go to our usual down the road restaurant, he didn’t make much of an effort on the day.

I feel like divorcing this prick now. I wish my dad knew that his money that he specifically gave to me is going in my DH pocket. Dad should have just given it to him directly instead of me.

Am i being ungrateful and a spoilt brat?

thanks

You have options and please reach out - there is support through charities who can advise and help you set up your plan to leave this situation, and support you afterwards. find your local women's aid

Coercive and controlling behaviour is a crime.

can we be a bit more sensitive than suggesting “you need to start sorting
yourself out” and it’s a “ridiculous way to live”

This is awful. I wouldn't have forgiven that - seriously, an affair? A shag I might forgive, but not this awfulness - leave this awful individual!

He’s awful!

I’m so sorry this is happening and that you have remained submissive for such a long time to keep the peace for your children. But this is no way to live, it is completely unacceptable. He is financially controlling you amongst other things.
I would highly recommend trying to get your ducks in a row to leave. Truthfully, he will reveal himself to be even worse when you do divorce and will try to exert control during…however, you will be free to live a much happier life without treading on eggshells. I hope that you can apply your luxurious creams in the future and enjoy them.

I’m very rarely left speechless from these threads but wow!!

You must divorce the prick without any hesitation

and my ex spent money my family gave to me for the children and myself on things for him and deny them new toys which they needed. I didn’t tell my family for a long time.

I am so sorry he’s done this on your special milestone birthday, but clearly this goes deeper than that. Financial abuse, amongst others.

I am speechless. I am so sorry you are going through this.

Please start planning a means to get out. Tell your parents what’s going on, and get professional advice also. Don’t take another moment of this horrible man, let this be the last thing he ever gets to ruin for you.

There is always a way out, I’m rooting for you and wish you all the best in the world.

I would suggest that divorce is the way forward, OP.

solicitors.lawsociety.org.uk/

How dare he take post addressed to you? That's actually a crime. Take them out of his car and tell him to pay half the bloody bills - why isn't he while you are raising his DC? Then divorce the prick. Total apology for a proper man. Oh, and take half of what he thinks is his, because it is actually yours.

This a trillion times over.

You tell your Dad this instant. The little prick how dare he

But without the eye rolling emoji.

You don’t need me or anyone to tell you that this is abuse

This. £50 on creams is nothing @BeRedUser - divorce the fucker.

Nasty man. Make a plan to leave. He has shown you who he is.

im so sorry OP this is one of the most horrible things I’ve read on here.

Your husband is abusing you and has trapped you while keeping you pregnant for years.

Are his family involved? Do they see what’s going on.

I can’t imagine what your dad would say if he knew your husband had stolen your birthday presents. I hope he would come and deck him.

Oh OP 😔

Reading this has genuinely upset me. Your “husband” is a nasty selfish abusive cunt.

And if it was me in your shoes, I think my dad would knock my husbands head off.

Please seek free legal advice ASAP. And contact Women’s Aid. You and your babies deserve so so so so much better. He is truly poison.

How much do you earn when not on Mat leave OP?

If he earns over £100k and makes you pay 40% of the bills I hope it’s a good whack. Although I suspect it isn’t going by your husband’s behaviour.

OP get out now.

You can take kids to the pub with him and sit in the garden - go to a child friendly pub. You can't live like this. He is a controlling bastard. Actually, just dump him at the pub and divorce him.

Selfish, controlling and possibly dangerous.
Check your financial position and ask him to leave.
He's treating you like this at three months post partum, that's disgusting.
Instruct a solicitor and tell your family.

So you're being abused by a controlling piece of shit. Time for a divorce so you don't have to worry about your dickhead soon to be ex husband verbally abusing you, financially controlling you, gaslighting you and stealing your money. Fucking hell.

Join us on the divorced side, the free side, the happy side. We have all the £50 face creams and margaritas you could dream of. And no cock with legs there to answer to for it. It's heaven.

Op please listen to everyone. I escaped an abusive man in a foreign country. There are underground groups that will help you - I volunteer in them and people are kind, I promise. We’ve helped women escape with babies and found them shelter. The uk has good social security and what he’s done is a crime you can report to the police. Your best advice is to start logging everything. Secretly get a private bank account he doesn’t know about. Line your ducks up. Look at private rentals or shelters. Transfer your salary to the new account and go.
you don’t want your children to end up like him or see you get hurt. There are charities and networks to help, legal aid if he tries to use the courts after you separate etc.
I really understand I’ve been there. Pm me. And please please please tell someone even if it’s just a dv charity

‘Staying for the kids’

If you stay your children will be damaged by the way this man behaves. The best thing you could do for your children is get rid of him. He is a horribly abusive, controlling man, document everything and report him to the police, emotional and financial abuse is a crime. The only good news is that he earns £100k so you’ll get a reasonable chunk in child maintenance.