DH wants my birthday presents back

[BeRedUser]

So a few days ago I bought 2 nice creams for a total of £50 with some birthday money I was given for my 40th. My dad specifically gave me some money amongst a sentimental present for me to buy something for me only as he knows I don’t do that very often. So I thought I’d treat myself as im on maternity leave and don’t socialise or go shopping any more (actually haven’t done since pre kids in 2021). I’m completely sleep deprived for the past 5 years.
Anyways my DH answered the door and asked what the parcel was, I told him and he went mad. he said how incredibly stupid I was spending that much money on creams. I know it is expensive but I don’t go to salons or anything for facials and I feel crap after having kids so I thought it might just perk me up and feel less tired. DH said how dare I spend that money while I’m mat leave and it should be going towards the bills (bearing in mind 100% of my salary goes on bills
and I have no money of my own afterwards). He took the box away, put it in his car to return it.
Now he says he wants my birthday presents back that he gave me (Garmin watch and an led mask) which I did put back in the box for him. So i am feeling rather sad, I’m left with nothing for myself from my birthday, all we did on the day was go to our usual down the road restaurant, he didn’t make much of an effort on the day.

I feel like divorcing this prick now. I wish my dad knew that his money that he specifically gave to me is going in my DH pocket. Dad should have just given it to him directly instead of me.

Am i being ungrateful and a spoilt brat?

thanks

Get rid now. DIVORCE Now. What a cretin.

All the more reason to contact Women's Aid or the Domestic Abuse hotline. It's not easy, but take the first step.

Why didn't you tell your husband to fuck off.
How bloody dare he!! im fuming on your behalf. He sounds like a controlling bully.

Im sorry, but this is another classic example of the ridiculous and ignorant approach to DV we keep seeing here.
if I had told my abuser to fuck off, he would have smashed up our entire living room with two babies in front of him.

That is incredibly abusive. .tell your dad everything and go and see a solicitor x

You've got 4 children under 5 years old, including a small baby. You all need to be safe.
Please contact someone.

Yes, it's terrifying, I'm scared for her - 4 little children including a small baby. She has to tread carefully.

Joining the chorus to encourage you to leave as soon as humanly possible. It will be tough with 4 young children but you will find a way. Good luck to you - and once you are out - give yourself a nice gift - you deserve it.

What a prick… but that’s flattering him.

Accidently clicked wrong vote so I'm the idiot one percent. Your husband is horrible. Imagine taking birthday gifts back. Poor you. Don't have another birthday with him.

That’s utterly disgusting. Please call women’s aid and explain to them what you have said here. You need some real world support. You are isolated and living with a financially abusive man. I am utterly appalled by what you read. I thought I had relationship problems but mine are like a raindrop compared to the ocean of shit you are having to put up with. You need someone in real life to help you.

The help is there. Get to your dads, call
womens aid. Everything is taken care of down to the train ticket to refuge. Utterly terrifying but there are so many people who will help you.

This is why you do need to get support - from the DA helpline/Women's Aid and ideally also the police, to ensure you can leave him safely.

He IS an abuser, this is extreme financial abuse, emotional abuse and coercive control, and there seems a clear risk of physical violence too if he thinks you're trying to get out of his control. (He's already using his size and voice to dominate/intimidate you). Please take it very seriously and ensure you are all safe - but please DO plan to leave this horrible specimen as soon as you safely can. And get some good financial/legal advice too, to help you get hold of as much of the family money/assets as you're entitled to (as half of a married couple and for the children), both when you leave and afterwards. All the best to you.

He's abusing you. Get your Dad involved and leave when he's not home. You don't want your kids to think abuse is ok.

You can change your vote BTW - just go back and re-press the other option.

The womans aid website is very good for helping you to see that what you are enduring, is abuse. You do need to leave him. He is vile and is trying to reduce you to nothing. Well done you for reaching out. Lots of good advice here. I left an abuser two years ago. It wasnt easy but my word was it worth it. Putting the key in the lock to a new place, where the kids and I were safe from him - just wow! It got better and better.
This crap about kidnapping is just to control you. Just remember that he is only ever thinking of himself. To him, you are his possession. He wont ever think of your or your kids best interests.

This. Please. For you and the sake of your children so that they can ultimately grow up in a normal environment away from an emotional abuser. Parents are role models and they will come to understand in time your need to escape from this bully.

Next time he is out/at the gym get out with just your children. Go to your nearest hospital if you cannot go anywhere else.

You need to find a way out. He doesn't deserve you or the kids, and you don't deserve to be with an abuser like him.

I am sorry your going through this I really am it really does break my heart and I don't even know you. To think of a mother on maternity leave who just wants to carve out a small bit of me time being forced to stay in and never allowed to even treat herself to a bit of bloody cream while this disgusting pig is drinking in the pub and I bet the gym membership ain't cheap. No more. I have a feeling he throws his weight around or you would have challenged him.
You need to find out your custody rights where you are or just drop off the face of the earth? He sounds like a cruel and horrible human.

You deserve happiness and you deserve to be spoilt. Your kids do not deserve to hear these things about their mother he does not deserve you or your loyalty or even having the privilege of a family. Please seek some kind of financial abuse advice. If he offers you anything ever again do not accept it. I wish all of the woman angry on your behalf could stand up with you against him but for now start making list. Squirrel any bit of money u can away do not share any finance information with him apart from how much half of all the children's clothes cost and the cost of every day out every cafe trip and also get on the maintence calculator and tell him how much he owes monthly to you. Because ultimately if you leave him 100k is a decent wage and a fair chunk is coming your way rightly so. I think you will all be better without this narcissist.

Tried that and didn't work.

You need to get in touch with Women’s Aid and start getting organised to separate. This is abusive behaviour and you deserve so much better.

WTAF
You spent 50 quid on creams? I'd spend that on one cream for my teen never mind myself. Your birthday money is a present. Jesus christ.
This line killed me ->"He took the box away, put it in his car to return it."
What are you 5?
You need to start sorting yourself out somehow, that's a ridiculous way to live.

He is a thief and a bully. Please organise support from family/friends/women's aid/a solicitor and ask him to leave.