AIBU to take a 1-year affair that ended this summer to the grave?

[MarbleCreamCoconut]

I know I am going to get absolutely battered for this, and I deserve it. Please just give it to me straight because I am completely lost.

Some context: DH and I have been together for 15 years, married for 5. We have two beautiful DC (10 and 3).

For a long time, our marriage was in a really bad place. We were disconnected, arguing constantly, and I felt completely invisible. During this time, I did the unforgivable. I had a year-long affair with another man.

Toward the end of the affair, things with DH actually started getting better. The atmosphere at home was lifting, we were communicating more, and I had already decided I was going to end the affair anyway because I wanted to focus on my marriage.

It ended completely this summer, about two months ago, when his wife got a new job opportunity and they relocated to Manchester. He has cut all contact and moved on.

Since it ended, DH and I have continued getting on so much better. It feels like we are finally finding our way back to each other. I know 100% that I will never, ever cheat again. The guilt is eating me alive, but the madness is over.

Here is the thing: there is absolutely zero chance of DH ever finding out from anyone else. The lover is gone, there are no mutual friends, and all digital tracks are completely wiped.I am stuck in an agonizing loop.

YABU
Do I tell him the truth, destroy his world, and break up our kids' home, or do I leave the marriage quietly without telling him why?

YANBU
Or do I keep my mouth shut, carry the guilt to my grave, and focus every ounce of my energy on being the best wife and mother I can be?

The heartache was caused when she cheated. Living a lie to attempt to escape that isn't the answer.

There is no suggestion her husband was having an affair.
If a man had written the OP would you be thinking his wife was having an affair too?

I think we are going round in circles.
Thanks for the discussion.

Life is too short.
Forget it and move on.
Never say a word.

Trouble is, secrets have a habit of coming out eventually. All it takes is for the other man to tell his wife and her to come knocking, or she finds out because he wasn’t as good at covering up as you clearly have been. It’s also very Crime and Punishment and depends how easily you can spend your life lying, or if it’ll eat you up inside.

Absolutely take it to the grave.
Focus your energy on your marriage now.
Best of luck to you.

Exactly. And then when it comes out the initial betrayal has been compounded by the further lies. And you have stolen years of his life then