AIBU to question a pool asking my four-year-old daughter to cover up?

[ChampagneLassie]

I took my two daughters, aged two and four, swimming at Nuffield Health. My four-year-old was wearing swimming bottoms but no top.
A staff member told me she needed to wear something “more appropriate” — apparently a bikini top or one-piece. I asked why, as a four-year-old boy would presumably be allowed to swim topless.
I said I felt this was sexualising a pre-pubescent child. The staff member replied, “I’m a mother. I’m not sexualising children.”
When I asked about the actual policy, she could only say that children had to wear “appropriate clothing”. I’m planning to contact Nuffield for clarification, but I’m interested in other parents’ views.
AIBU to question this? Would you expect a four-year-old girl to have to cover her chest?
I used AI to help make this post more readable.

It's no faff with a normal swimsuit. My 4yr old easily puts her on herself, even my 3 year old can.

But the OP and her kids were inside a gym/leisure centre.

Not out in the open in direct sunlight?

The poster I quoted said: I think ok on the beach; not in a leisure centre.
I don’t think it’s sexualising your child; it’s normal dress code for swimming.

So should 4yo boys wear a type of swimwear that covers their torso when swimming inside a leisure centre?

That's disingenious.

I've never seen a boy in an equivalent of the tylical girls one piece swimming costume (looking like tank top and knickers together), and quick google doesn't show it would be a thing.

Yes, there is overall/shorts overall styled beach wear for both sexes, which are typically used outdoor for sun protection, but that's irrelevant in a swimming pool.

My point is more generally around the logistics of allowing top on and top off for some and not others. Some girls hit puberty faster than others, some will not grow breasts until later on. There isn’t a cut off age for no tops with girls. So it’s easier to enforce the rule for all, and not have to police which kid is pre-pubescent enough to wear knickers only.

Yes. A young boy swimming without bottoms is inappropriate. If we say this, are we "sexualising" the boy?

No? No. We aren't. We are protecting his modesty because his genitals are private. This is not sexualising him.

The staff member thinks girls' top halves are private and they need to protect their modesty by covering up. You may disagree (I do) but she's no more sexualising her than we are sexualising that boy.

Can you see the hypocrisy yet or is the chain of logic broken somewhere? Shall I try to break it down clearer?

Each to their own. Its not something I would do with my child. You don't know who is lurking around and yes I know they may look at boys also. But I just think in a public pool its no trouble to put a cozzi on. You do you though.

Now THAT is disingenuous, swim wear is for indoors and out. Loads of people use one pieces for young boys and young girls. And I clearly stated what style I meant which was not a traditional female swimming costume.

That’s not true…a trip to pee then back to the pool is awful with extra fabric to draw up over your torso and onto your shoulders.

A normal swimsuit for a 4 year old is just pants

Here you go. You didn’t scroll down to the “Shop the Set” section like @ToKittyornottoKitty mentioned.

They are sold separately to make more money, not because they think people are eager to put their young daughters in only bottoms. Notice that while the bottoms come in a pair, a lot of the tops are sold separately which means two more sales to complete both sets.

When I was a child in the 1960s, those of us in 'deprived' areas were sometimes given 'sunray treament' - boys and girls together, ranged round a sunlamp. We were all just in our underpants.

I know for a fact that that the group contained both sexes, because one of the other children was a boy who was in my reception class and I only knew him from school.

Apparently, the treatment is now thought to be an underlying cause of some skin cancers in my generation. (It was more popular in the 1950s; I'm not sure precisely when the practice ceased, but I know that I got the treatment in 1965, based on when I started school.)

Which the OP would presumably use when spending prolonged period on the beach/outside, but which is absolutely pointless in the inside swimming pool.

I used to do triathlons and the triathlon style swim suit was worn by both men and women (and girls and boys for the shorter triathlons they were allowed to do).

many competition swimmers will have similar.

https://www.decathlon.co.uk/sports/triathlon/triathlon-swimming?pdt-highlight=09c9c302-f955-4877-9cd4-5911b3d56e19&vc=c251c22&utm_medium=cpc&utm_source=google&utm_campaign=gb_t-partbra_ct-shopp_n-mp-sale_ts-pro_f-cv_o-roas_spd-msp_spu-msp_sp-msp_pt-mkp_pnl-mkp_l-en_pp-gads_bm-roa_pr-cpc_&utm_term=n-mp-sale_ts-pro_spd-msp_spu-msp_sp-msp_pt-mkp_l-en&network=g&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=21901925655&gbraid=0AAAAADygKq0Vw00nH8Zngt_z35OVLXyCH&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIn5ap3JbJlgMVUolQBh30ogzpEAQYASABEgJ65fD_BwE

Really? Have you never been to a public pool in the UK before?

"putting it back on afterwards"? Eh?!

Firstly a 4 year old will pee in the pool, and if you leave for a pee surely you just pull the gusset to one side?!
Tell me I am not the only one who doesnt take their costume off or down for a pee?!

If its not sexualising kids, why is it ok for a boy not to wear a top? The girl is 4, she, just like boys, doesnt have boobs, so what does she need to cover that boys dont?

what do you think they are looking at, though? a 4 year old doesn't have breasts.

I can’t help you if you can’t work the website, they are clearly there and easy to find and marked as ‘shop the set’ as I described

The logic fails in that matching nipples in a 4 year old girl or boy are treated differently…the girl is treated differently…she is sexualised.

Somehow her identical nipples must be covered…why?

I wouldn’t take a child swimming in basically a pair of briefs if that’s what you did. If you’d put her in swimming shorts I doubt you’d have had a complaint.

It’s a bit unusual but doesn’t seem
worth bothering about. It’s the kind of situation that is stressful if you make it so. It’s private property so up to them. Maybe they have weirdos locally. I personally had bikinis at that age and put my daughters in swimsuits or rush (rash?) tops.

Girls in one piece swimsuits and boys in shorts is the norm. I have seen instructors at our local pool tell parents this a few times over the years. Wouldn’t occur to me for a little girl not to wear a swimsuit.

Interestingly, another Google has shown me that ads for Coppertone have changed over the years - the most recent one seems to show the model being covered up, whereas the one from '65 has the 3 yr old actress only wearing a bottom.

If you are certain you are in the right, why would the interaction need more than a “no, she’s fine thanks”?

I wouldn’t have a topless girl in public. I don’t sexualise girls at all, but I know some pervy twat will. Until she decides she’s ok with that, I’ll be her parent.

Why wouldn’t you just buy a swimming costume? It’s no bother getting them on. Stop trying to get a reaction.

Except most girls aren’t pre pubescent at 10, I’d say my DD and most of her friends were beginning to develop breast buds at 9, by 10 her body is clearly distinguishable to a boy’s. So while I think op is not wrong, at some stage girls need to know this will be a private part of their body, I suppose the question is where the line is…