AIBU to question a pool asking my four-year-old daughter to cover up?

[ChampagneLassie]

I took my two daughters, aged two and four, swimming at Nuffield Health. My four-year-old was wearing swimming bottoms but no top.
A staff member told me she needed to wear something “more appropriate” — apparently a bikini top or one-piece. I asked why, as a four-year-old boy would presumably be allowed to swim topless.
I said I felt this was sexualising a pre-pubescent child. The staff member replied, “I’m a mother. I’m not sexualising children.”
When I asked about the actual policy, she could only say that children had to wear “appropriate clothing”. I’m planning to contact Nuffield for clarification, but I’m interested in other parents’ views.
AIBU to question this? Would you expect a four-year-old girl to have to cover her chest?
I used AI to help make this post more readable.

Is it your choice or hers for bottoms only?

I suppose it's unconventional not to have top covered, but not inappropriate. She's a baby at 4! A lot of my family would have girls in bottoms only on the beach but probably cover their tops in leisure centres. I can't put my finger on the difference though and don't think you're bu.

Completely unhinged unless your 4 year old is already in puberty and got breasts.

Why didn't you say she was non gender? That would have made her back off not wanting a discrimination case on her back.

How did the staff member know she was a girl? Boys and girls look the same at that age (and the shorts area was covered obviously)

Ridiculous of them.

It never occurred to me to take my dd swimming with no top. Why did you do it?

I don’t think they were sexualising your dd.

I thought this and wondered how that conversation would have gone. To answer previous question. Getting them in and out of swim wear feels like quite an effort, so now she can swim I was very keen to just do pants and in general she opts to wear as little clothes as possible. (I had her in one of those suits with built in floats before).

That's crazy, my daughter occasionally wore a top at that age but not always.

Why wasn’t she wearing a swim top? Her views might be outdated but I’m not sure it’s fair to accuse her to sexualising your child.

I actually find children that age wearing bikini tops weird, they have nothing to cover and I feel like bikini tops suggest that they do. But I spent half my childhood in Italy where it's very much the norm for little girls just to wear bottoms without the top.

Yeah why are a 4 year old girls nipples different to a boys? Staff member should not have said that

How did they know her gender?

Yes same here to be honest, mine always wore a swimsuit. When would you draw the line? 6/7/8/9?

I also don't think she was sexualising your dd and I think that was unfair of you to accuse the woman basically of being a p-do.

I think it was more the kind of mindset that puts primary age girls in hijabs. I think she was more thinking about protecting her "modesty" as if girls have some kind of secret girl-essence that needs hiding away.

I don't agree with the staff member but I think you were unreasonable to make the accusation you did

I think it's weirder to see young children in bikini tops covering non existent breasts. A full one piece is something else but a two piece bikini always looks odd on little girls to me (not bottoms and a rash vest an actual bikini top)

I’m surprised it’s “the norm” wrestling kids in and out of swimwear is hard. We bought an outfit for holiday that was pants and an a rash vest. Obviously you don’t need the vest for the pool. I’m suprised I am being unconventional! I’d have thought this was the norm

I think thinking that way IS sexualising children. That’s exactly what that is. I don’t think she is a peado and I wasn’t trying to suggest that. But using tgat sort of thought process on young girls attire is sexualising them.

I've not (to my knowledge) ever seen a girl swim without a top on. Swimming costumes are more common than 2 pieces in lessons.

Sounds like you just want a reaction op. Why wouldn’t you put a top on her? Unless you are specifically buying her stuff from the boys section, all costumes for girls come as a one piece or has a top and bottom.

Getting them out of swimwear really isn’t that hard, and I think it’s obvious that it’s the norm as the vast majority of ‘girls’ swimwear is sold as a 2 piece or a full over suit. My son wore a rash vest in the pool
when smaller as he got cold. Nothing unusual about it really

She's got nothing to put in a top so this is very weird of them. It's stranger to put a bikini top on her.

I wouldn’t put a 4yo in a bikini top.

probably would put them in a swimsuit at a pool because that’s just what a swimsuit is designed for. But I’m assuming that’s what I’d do - it’s not something I’ve ever had to consider as a choice!

DS was raised abroad and generally outside pool in apartment block and beach young girls and boys wore just trunks/bikini bottoms and a swim t shirt during the hottest parts of the day. It was also very gender neutral with it all being passed down around all the kids in the complex regardless of “sex”.

We never went to an indoor pool so can’t comment on what the kids were wearing there.

I have a 4yo too. Why are you wrestling her out of it? It’s the same as any set of clothing she needs to wear? School uniform, dress up, shorts and tshirt.

I’m currently in a Scandinavian country and almost all the toddlers are in just a swim nappy. My son has board shorts and a rash vest over the top, which I’ve realised is entirely pointless as he normally wears them for sun protection and this is an indoor pool. But we’ve been at splash pads etc all summer and he’s wearing what he’s used to.

I think it was an odd request personally, as above boys and girls are identical at that age if their genitals are covered. It’s very common outside of England to see young girls topless but I have to say you don’t see it often in England. Most people seem to go for the all in one sun suits and then not buy different ones for indoor swimming I guess?

I think ok on the beach; not in a leisure centre.
I don’t think it’s sexualising your child; it’s normal dress code for swimming.