AIBU to question a pool asking my four-year-old daughter to cover up?

[ChampagneLassie]

I took my two daughters, aged two and four, swimming at Nuffield Health. My four-year-old was wearing swimming bottoms but no top.
A staff member told me she needed to wear something “more appropriate” — apparently a bikini top or one-piece. I asked why, as a four-year-old boy would presumably be allowed to swim topless.
I said I felt this was sexualising a pre-pubescent child. The staff member replied, “I’m a mother. I’m not sexualising children.”
When I asked about the actual policy, she could only say that children had to wear “appropriate clothing”. I’m planning to contact Nuffield for clarification, but I’m interested in other parents’ views.
AIBU to question this? Would you expect a four-year-old girl to have to cover her chest?
I used AI to help make this post more readable.

I didn’t want a reaction, I want to make swimming as easy as possible. I was managing both kids on my own today. Getting them in and out of swimsuits is hard work! Now 4th old can do pants on her own. Many places sell them. I bought a 2 pack of girl bikini bottoms from H&M.

I’m not getting this at all but why would you not put a 4 year old girl in a one piece e swimming costume but a pair of bikini bottoms and no top????

Do you know anyone who wears a hijab? Because it is not about sexualisation at all. You're imposing your own value system onto a completely different one.

I'm not Muslim myself but I've had many conversations with women who wear them and it is definitely not because they think their hair is sexy.

Anyway this will derail the thread so I regret bringing it up. You need to open your mind to other points of view rather than accusing female leisure centre staff of being p-dos!

Edit to add - you may not have used the word but accusing someone of "sexualising" a 4yo is the same thing. Some creeps out there actually do sexualise 4yos, and this was not that

Most swimming costumes for girls are one piece.

she’s hardly sexualising your child fgs.

I think expecting a four year girl to wear a top om a pool is fine and normal.

Just buy her a swimming costume. Yawn 🥱

I think you don't understand what sexualising children means - it's not accusing the woman of paedophilia, but of attributing sexual characteristics prematurely.

My DC always wore a one piece in the pool so they didn't pull them down which would have been inappropriate.

Because Op wants a reaction. I have a 4yo dd too and have never seen a girl just wearing the bottoms. It’s not hard getting her in and out of it just like any other outfit.
in fact putting on a pair of tights is 100x harder.

If a 4yo can do pants, they can do a swimming costume.

Get them ready at home first.

When I was a child in the 1960s, it was common for little girls to play outside in the summer wearing only shorts and sandals - the same as the little boys.

Our swimsuits were the one piece variety, but I do recall once playing in a cousin's paddling pool whilst wearing a pair of swim briefs borrowed from one of the other cousins.

And why would pulling their swimsuit off be inappropriate?

Can you not see your hypocrisy?

I wouldn’t have been phased by this, however, I did notice a little girl in the park, no older than 5, was topless and had actual breasts. She had actual breast tissue. I’ve never seen that on someone so little. I did think it odd that she was uncovered as it was a very strange thing to see, and everyone was staring at her. I’m still so intrigued by what that was?

Fat?

No they don’t

I saw a boy with almost bigger breasts than me in the pool. Nobody told him to cover up.

In theory, if it is fine for men or boys to not wear a top, it should be fine for women. Clothing should not be tied to sex.

In practice, I might take a stand with myself, but would never do so with my child.

They do have matching top you can buy with them. Obviously nobody has to buy both but the idea is getting the sets to mix and match

My DD often wore just swim shorts at that age. Nobody said anything to me or her. I don't know if it's sexualisation necessarily, it's just people reacting instinctively without thinking too hard about why there would be a difference between a 4 year old boy without a top and a 4 year old girl.

I voted yanbu because I don’t think a 4 year old should have to wear a swim top, or that the staff member should have confronted you.

However, I do wonder how difficult it really is just to put her in a costume. Rightly or wrongly it is the norm in the UK for women and girls to wear a bikini or one piece swimsuit. She is coming up to school age and I think if it was my child I’d just put a swimsuit on her. They are comfortable and fine imo.

What happened in the end was she allowed in?

Nothing on the H&M website shows a matching top.

why did she need to be wearing a swim top?

Sorry posted original comment too soon 🤦‍♀️! Nothing on the H&M website shows a matching top, but happy for you to link it.

But why? She doesn't have boobs.

I’m really not looking for a reaction. I was upset by the attention at time. I strongly believe we should allow kids to be kids as long as possible. My 4 yr old always wears as little clothes as she can and hated the fafth of the swimsuit. I really didn’t realise this was controversial and I don’t think it should be I guess in posting I was trying to gauge whether my instinct was normal or whether I should just be forcing her into a swimsuit or 2 piece.

It does, scroll down on the page you are on and it shows the ‘set’ - rash vest and hat. You can get matching bikini tops for the other swim bottom sets in the site too