AIBU to question a pool asking my four-year-old daughter to cover up?

[ChampagneLassie]

I took my two daughters, aged two and four, swimming at Nuffield Health. My four-year-old was wearing swimming bottoms but no top.
A staff member told me she needed to wear something “more appropriate” — apparently a bikini top or one-piece. I asked why, as a four-year-old boy would presumably be allowed to swim topless.
I said I felt this was sexualising a pre-pubescent child. The staff member replied, “I’m a mother. I’m not sexualising children.”
When I asked about the actual policy, she could only say that children had to wear “appropriate clothing”. I’m planning to contact Nuffield for clarification, but I’m interested in other parents’ views.
AIBU to question this? Would you expect a four-year-old girl to have to cover her chest?
I used AI to help make this post more readable.

I don’t think she sexualised your DD, it draws attention. You bought a 2 pack bikini bottoms from H&M (designed to mix and match with tops) - I know the kind and they will 100% look like something is missing from the top. For that reason you were told to put a complete set on. It’s unnecessary attention drawing for other swimmers. You might think it’s all innocent and great and super convenient for you, but you don’t know how anyone else feels about that and that’s why the rules are there. What is the cut off point at which they say girls top now must go on? When breast tissue is 0.5cm raised and above? No - the rule must therefore apply to all girls to avoid nonsense arguments.

I took DCs swimming last weekend actually and they had a poster with pictures of what swimwear was permitted.

What do 4 year old girls have that 4 year old boys don’t?

YABU. At what age will you tell your DD to wear a costume? Its not appropriate I have never seen this and I used to take DC to swimming lessons each week.

I asked op this one page 1 but she didn't answer because she had other views to air.

My guess it's because the bottoms were a pink frilly type thing.

One piece swimwear for young boys is very widely available, the same t shirt and short shape that is available for girls.

OP said she was wearing ‘girls bikini bottoms’

You are arguing about by connecting it to sexualising things. Seriously sexualising children doesnt have anything to do with paedophiles. It’s a debate about mini me clothes etc..

It’s why pre puberty nipples must be hidden on girls not boys at 4. It’s restriction and difference. It’s inequality and sexualisation of girls

maybe when there is something to cover? or when her daughter expresses an opinion?

Taking all thoughts of gender and sexualising out of this, please do consider that a brightly coloured suit that covers more of her body eg with a swim t shirt or a one piece suit is much safer in terms of visibility should she get into difficulty.

So should 4yo boys wear a type of swimwear that covers their torso too?

Surprising so many adults have never seen a young girl with just swim bottoms on…. Perhaps you have seen them but just didn’t realise they were girls, given that many look exactly like boys at that age? I think it’s really weird to expect a young girl to dress in a way that assumes their non-existent breasts need to be covered! And agree it’s a form of sexualisation: sounds like the lady you said it to didn’t understand the term unfortunately.

A young child doesn't have a gender. They have a sex.

Why isn’t it appropriate? Can you explain?

I bet you top dollar there isn't a policy which says pre-pubescent kids need to cover up their chest. The "appropriate attire" means don't go swimming in your denim dungarees. Nothing more.
Maybe your pool is very progressive in that regard but I have never seen a poster in any of the pools I used in the past.
And as to how everyone else fells... where do we draw the line? Maybe I feel offended that the guys in my pool don't shave their body hair. Should we have a policy for that too? Feelings are just feelings. Nobody has died from having them and most adults are capable of dealing with theirs without making it into a H&S issue.

Thankyou this is my thinking too

Those h&m pant sets all have a corresponding long sleeve top to buy too...

Lots of them seem to.

like a pp I grew up in the 80s and regularly swam wearing very little (as did the boys).

people are much much more aware of skin cancer these days and children of both sexes have one piece type swimsuits that cover a lot of skin.

it’s a lot easier than reapplying sun cream every 30 mins.

I’m with you op, a child’s chest is in no way inappropriate boys or girls. I’d be very surprised if this was the swimming pool’s policy and is more than likely the opinion of this staff member.

Whole country is basically full of lunatics. No other European country is like this.Yanbu.

Seeing their bottom is inappropriate, for little girls or little boys

Seeing their nipples is not inappropriate, for little girls or little boys.

No hypocrisy.

Meanwhile other threads on MN argue other countries have awful culture for women and the UK has achieved equality…but not for 4 year olds it seems…girls must cover themselves

A young girl at my kid's holiday club insisted on going topless. The club changed their policy overnight so that all children regardless of gender had to wear a swimming top. PITA for me as a mum of 2 boys who have never owned rash vests as my kids were then banned from the pool until I bought an item of clothing that was deemed to be a rash vest (apparently quick dry sports t shirts made of the same material weren't suitable 🙄)

My kids have never gone swimming without a full swimsuit on. It would not even occur to me to not put a full swimsuit on them. As a victim of child SA ive talk them about what parts are private since they were little. I was being abused at 2.

Thankyou this.

The drama 😅