I had an affair and I want my affair partner to be discovered

[Gemitf]

Had an affair with a married man who has young children. I’m also married with young children.

Since it ended recently, he has gone back to his wife and kids and is living happily like nothing ever happened. I know his wife to say hi to as our kids are at the same school. Everytime I see her it kills me. I can’t bear knowing that he has ‘got away with it’ and hasn’t taken any accountability for his actions.

These feelings are made worse by the fact that my marriage has suffered so badly as a result. I haven’t yet told my husband, but I know I am going to have to if I want any chance of saving the marriage. I can’t continue living dishonestly for the rest of our lives. I assume he will (rightly) want to divorce me. Everything inside me wants to tell my affair partner’s wife what has happened so that he can experience the pain I am experiencing. The bitterness I am feeling is so strong. I want him to be exposed. Should I tell her?

It’s the cheating OM who has nuked his children’s life. If it wasn’t OP it would have been someone else.

assuming your spouses wouldn't know, I'd say that still counted as cheating in this particular context anyway.

OP is only stopping the affair because she’s been dumped! She doesn’t want her DH, he’s just better than nothing! Dreadful behaviour!

Don't do it. It wont make you feel any better and you risk being ousted by your family and community for being 'that' woman. This will definitely cross the school playground if you decide to go public. How about you focus on yourself, get some therapy and decide what you really want. You mustn't have been happy in your marriage to have your head turned. I might get shot down for this...but for me, if you want to stay with your Husband then tell him and work through it if you can. If you do not, then leave but keep it to yourself. But leave for youself, do not lie in wait for that melt to come back to you once his marriage finally ends.

Women often stay if there husband has an affair even if they split later women often try to
Keep the family together

Men tend to leave there wife /partner - most men can’t forgive their wife / partner fucking another man

so while she might forgive him

your husband probably won’t forgive you

I think you want to tell him because you think if it's in the open she will kick him out as will your husband with you and you'll both live happily ever after!
The reality is he will drop you like a hot potato and convince his wife you meant nothing! Meanwhile your husband isn't so forgiving and divorces you so you are left with nothing and affair partner continues his great life unscathed!
Be careful what you wish for

He wants to have his cake and eat it. You need to stop all contact.

No don't tell her. This is what happens when you fuck about. What were you thinking if you wanted to stay married to your husband?! Are you just staying because you can't be with the other guy? If you don't love your husband then just break up with him. No need to say you had an affair.

You don’t say why the affair started, so I’m going to go by my own experience. The only time I cheated, I was fed up of my (LDR) boyfriend refusing to discuss moving in together, because he liked living at home while I’d moved countries for him, and basically taking me for granted. I planned to end things the next time I saw my bf. But the infidelity was a symptom of a wider malaise in the relationship.

Onto your affair partner; he sounds like a manipulative shit, frankly, as he seems to want to juggle you and his wife, keeping both of you warm so that he gets to have the security of his family as well as the thrill/ego boost of knowing another woman is also yearning for him, but can’t have him because “integrity”.

Only you know whether there are issues within your marriage which made you susceptible to the AP’s charms. If there are, it might be best to split up anyway, try to keep an amicable coparenting relationship, and don’t tell your husband anything about the affair. Tell him it’s because of whatever the reasons are why you went elsewhere for whatever you got from the affair.
This path allows you to regain a little bit of your own integrity, and minimises the damage you say has been done, avoids hurting your husband.

If there aren’t issues within the marriage, then wth happened? Is the AP some kind of god? Was there force, manipulation, abuse?

Men are typically lazy when it comes to affairs

it’s normally someone they work with
the family friend
the neighbor
occasionally a relative

Rarely is it a complete stranger

Just hold your tongue. This is going to reflect badly on you both. Shut up and repair your marriage for the sake of your children. Behave.

Many years ago I was the wife of your affair partner. Chances are she already knows but hasn't confronted her husband yet because she's desperately worried for her future and that of her children. Her health might be suffering, certainly her mental health, and her sleep and work will definitely be affected. One of these days she'll look at his phone and see that all of her suspicions are actually true. Hopefully she will leave the cowardly bastard and find some peace further down the line.
You and he deserve each other.

You are wrong to want to maintain any sort of "friendship". That would be an emotional affair. And I highly question the "guilt" you claim you feel if you want to contain meeting him.

No - it takes two. If she does this HER OWN children will be impacted by the fall out. You have TWO selfish adults here who care less about the children involved. And we have no idea whether he would have been with someone else if it had not been OP.

At the moment, no one knows. She should grow up and draw a line under it for the sale of her own children. This is about revenge. And is despicable.

I agree I’m a terrible and nasty person

Change your ways then.

Please do this rather than blowing up loads of lives.

You just sound bitter because he tried to end the affair. He is probably trying to keep the emotional side going(as you put it) so he can keep you on side. He wont want you upset with him. Then he has to worry that you may tell his wife.
You are an awful person for having an affair. And so is he. I feel sorry for your husband and children .

The only thing worse than someone having an affair is someone having an affair and not having the guts to own up to it.

The poor H & W of the adulterous couple now face the prospect of wasting the rest of their lives being married to people who don't give a fuck about them, not to mention the potential health implications they face.

If OP had even a shred of consideration for her DH she'd tell him so he can make an informed decision about his future (same for the affair partner and his wife).

How can your affair partner suffering as you do possibly help you?
You are just trying to spread the pain around , you really should try to grow up- spreading the pain won't lessen yours.

Why are you bitter and angry with him? You both made the same choice.

Imagine if you do this and his wife still stays with him? Except she also tells people you sleep with peoples husbands. She spreads whispers all over town and the people you know look at you with disgust.

You cannot control her reaction. Pay attention to your own side of the fence.

This poster is absolutely right.

If you tell his wife, you might feel gratifying revenge for about 1 second. Then reality will bite all around you and people’s lives will be blown up.

Delete all your WhatsApps to him and don’t respond to his essays.

If you tell your DH, you’ll likely blast your family apart which would be traumatic for your kids. If his wife finds out, he is more likely to get away with it.

You have done something appalling, but you do have the chance to move on and keep your family intact. You will just need to live with the guilt, but I imagine it may fade.

You sound unhinged and frankly dangerous. Just shut up and say nothing. Get therapy if you genuinely want to make a go of it with your DH.

If I were you I’d be breathing a sigh of relief I got away with it. Think of your reputation at the school. Being the slag that shags other people’s husbands. What the fuck are you thinking wanting and longing for this information to be out there? Imagine the shit your children will get. Did your Mum sleep with Emily’s Daddy??

The other mothers and teachers will revel in this gossip and you’d be the one putting it out there!! That’s insane to me. You’ve behaved really badly and you actually want people to know??

Your need for revenge is greater than protecting your reputation and the happiness of your own children. Fuck, that is seriously twisted.

OP, have you even considered your husband and poor children? It’s all about you and this cheating excuse of a father.

Without evidence she won’t believe you. To provide evidence you have to nuke your marriage though in reality you did that the second you cheated.

You’re just on borrowed time hoping he doesn’t find out.

He doesn’t want sex with you anymore but likes his ego stroke so either the wife is suspicious so has to stop the places where you would have sex or he has a new sex partner but she’s not willing for the long rambling WhatsApp’s.

Go and get tested regardless because most men who cheat don’t just cheat with one woman.

Please tell us how this is different from women having affairs? Do women tend to go for complete strangers?

It won’t just punish him will it? It will punish his innocent children who have done nothing to deserve it. Will that help make you feel better?