I had an affair and I want my affair partner to be discovered

[Gemitf]

Had an affair with a married man who has young children. I’m also married with young children.

Since it ended recently, he has gone back to his wife and kids and is living happily like nothing ever happened. I know his wife to say hi to as our kids are at the same school. Everytime I see her it kills me. I can’t bear knowing that he has ‘got away with it’ and hasn’t taken any accountability for his actions.

These feelings are made worse by the fact that my marriage has suffered so badly as a result. I haven’t yet told my husband, but I know I am going to have to if I want any chance of saving the marriage. I can’t continue living dishonestly for the rest of our lives. I assume he will (rightly) want to divorce me. Everything inside me wants to tell my affair partner’s wife what has happened so that he can experience the pain I am experiencing. The bitterness I am feeling is so strong. I want him to be exposed. Should I tell her?

How stupid is this?!

Nobody knows, you keep quiet about it, you don't tell your husband and if you have a shred if respect for your poor husband and family you put it behind you and move on. In a few years nobody will care and you might still have a marriage.

Or tell everyone, create loads of drama, traumatise your kids and his, have the OM, his wife and half the school hate you, and have a really shit and difficult life.

I can’t imagine the level someone has to either lie to themselves or hate themselves to be able to say a friendly good morning to the woman whose husband they’re secretly shagging. Ditto a man doing the same friendly hello to the husband of the woman they’re secretly shagging, obviously. It’s so grim.

You're both a selfish pair of shits. Get your own house in order and leave them alone.

She needs to know, you have knowingly risked her sexual health she needs an sti check.

You are seeing a cheater and you have no idea who else he has been screwing even if you think you are clear.

It will destroy her and your husband.

Your relationships have been irrevocably damaged and will never be the same, it dosent matter what your partners say. The will never forget.

How do you know she does not know? His wife may turn a blind eye to his behaviour. If he isn’t showing guilt you are probably not the first. It sounds like he wants your attention and you are giving it to him by answering his messages. Back away before the whole school finds out and your dc gets dragged into it. That will be worse. Go to therapy if you don’t want your husband leave and be happy. Affairs don’t seem to have the happy ever after as you are sadly finding out.

Except.....you didn't want her to know when the affair was going on though did you so there is some more thinking to be done here.

Tai, excluding the affair partner, you want to ruin two people’s lives because you’ve been dumped. Grow the fuck up and own your shit.

@Gemitf are you mad?
You seriously need to grow up. This is cloud cuckoo land.
Block this ridiculous man. Do the right thing for your family. It's not all about you.

What an absolutely selfish and unnecessary thing to do. You had the affair you both made a choice yet you want to ruin the life an innocent woman and her children? Vile.

You went into this with open eyes. You enjoyed the affair and the shagging behind the back of your husband and his wife.

Now suck it up (your regrets) and get over yourself.

His wife, his children, your husband and your children are the victims in all of this. Not you.

Good grief. Grow up woman. Say nothing to the woman whose husband betrayed her. That’s for him to do.

You need to concentrate on your own marriage.

What a mess.

People like you make me sick.

Selfish, self obsessed narcissists who follow their own needs and wants and fuck everyone else. Even now it's all me, me, me.

Grow the fuck up and join the real world.

Tell your husband first.

You sound like trash @Gemitf

Yeah sure why not op. Tell your kids as well. and hers. And the teachers and all your friends. wth not.

You’ve both been disgustingly selfish. You are both disgraceful humans. Do not break her peace even more you gross immoral creature. You keep your silence and let it fester and that can be your punishment.

So OP you fucked someone’s husband around and found out?!

Why have you suddenly started being concerned about his wife?? Neither of you cared much about your spouses when the affair started!

What a horrible person you are - rotten to the core

This. There are children involved and care nothing for them at all, and the impact that throwing a hand grenade into their parents’ lives would have? Or your own, for that matter, because there would be a ricochet.

That’s pretty despicable, frankly.

I’d suggest you go and get some therapy because your children’s future well-being is hanging by a thread with such a self-centred and vindictive mother.

I do not believe this thread is real.

MN always says not to tell the other woman but I think it’s disgraceful to keep this information from her. Of course she should know! Her sexual health could be at risk (no offence to you if you’re clean- he could be fucking other people as well) and she can’t give proper consent to sex as far as I’m concerned. If she knew the truth about her husband she would probably choose NOT to sleep with him at least until working out if she wants to stay with him or not. He’s probably getting a grubby thrill out of her being none the wiser as to what he’s been up to and it needs cutting dead.

Then don't tell anyone except a counsellor. Remember the old adage "least said, soonest mended".
There must have been problems in your marriage for the affair to start, so you need to deal with those, without blowing up everyone's family life.
The fallout from telling anyone would likely be disastrous and extremely long,-lasting. You certainly wouldn't hold the moral high ground just because you confessed.

BTW, no way is she getting even the measly 8% support she has if this was a man posting

I think you need to make a decision. If you want to continue your marriage, cut off all contact with this other man, and don't tell your husband. The guilt will be your punishment for what you did.

Anything else is just a sorry mess.

You had the affair too and now you want to blow up both your families in some sort of vindictive, got-to-have-the-final-word bullshit?

Sorry but you sound like an absolute bitch, and I seldom use that word.