To say firmly and definitively I won’t miss it

[toomanytakeawaysthissummer]

I realised far too late parenting is not for me, although I still hope things will get better. I had a very unrealistic idea of just how much work small children are.

As a result the last few years have been some of the most miserable of my life and I’ve been wrung out, stressed, exhausted and depleted in every single way from every single part of my life.

Like I say, I am hoping it might get better.

But I’m told by others often with a game chuckle that I’ll miss it one day. That these are the best days (can’t see it myself) and I’ll long for these days in ten years.

Are they fucking mental or what?

If you’re open to the idea of ear plugs, OP, the sleep ones from Alpine are good.

I never ever understand how people cope with more than one. I had one and fortunately he was easy…so I was fine. But I just think people must have the patience of a saint to deal with two of them when they bicker and whine.

I love my son to death, but I would rather have no children than multiple. But everyone is different and some absolutely live for it and thrive, others like me, don’t have the same maternal instincts.

I’m sure once they’re grown that you’ll look back on some of their worst (or best) moments and laugh with them about the times they drove you mad.

Oh god, this was the worst age. Hang in there, it does get better.

Also, have you figured out a way to get your kids to do as you say? The thing that makes parenting so hard now is that quiet obedience - the whole objective of bringing up children in previous generations - is no longer the goal. But maybe it needs to become your goal and the kids need to
learn to do as they are told. Running round shouting was never acceptable when we were growing up.

Do you think that our parents think that way about us @Grumpyoldcat ? I bet they don't (hope not anyway!)

My experience has been the opposite, it gets better.

@Boreded i agree with you actually. Nearly all of the screaming is because the other is doing something the other doesn’t like / want. Without the screaming i would cope i think.But i dont find it funny. None of it is funny.

”Women” don’t have any idea what being a parent is like until they become one. It is simply impossible to imagine, and I had my kids before anyone ever said things like this on social media. I remember thinking “how come almost every woman did this and no one ever told me how hard it would be?”

@toomanytakeawaysthissummer You're in the trenches if they're preschool age. 5 was the magic age for mine, especially DS who was fussy before. He was much easier to communicate with and became interested in things that we were interested in too.

When people said stupid stuff like that to me (especially in that condescending tone they use) my response was to say ‘oh, I won’t’ in their exact tone.

People really get judgy with you when they find out you don’t absolutely love motherhood, or when you only have one (I was told I was selfish). I can’t imagine the grief the child free get. People shouldn’t be so quick to dismiss others opinions and feelings just because they aren’t exactly what they feel

Mine are currently 9 and 12 and as they grow and become more independent I feel nostalgic about those early years.

I find them more draining and exhausting now than I ever did when they were younger.

Life is more real now…..its all carting them about to school, taking them to their sports events, having their mates over for sleepovers, sitting with them and doing homework, nagging at them to tidy up after themselves, buying school uniform, serious talks about serious subjects….

It’s a million miles away from when we’d just be in a happy bubble in the park, talking nonsense, laughing, feeding ducks, going home to get the toys out, playing with Lego and painting pictures, fun bath times and reading bedtime stories etc.

Parenting older children is a vastly different experience to the younger years and some parents have a preference for one age stage, some parents love all stages and but some parents hate all the stages.

Are our experiences based on who we are as people and what we find enjoyable and what we can tolerate? Or do the characters of our children shape how much we enjoy parenting? Maybe some people are just more natural parents than others? Who knows. It’s a complete rabbit hole we could all get lost in if we dared enter it!!!!

You aren't alone though OP!

Vent away!

Well, this is it. Nobody can ever know how easy or hard they'll find being a parent until they are one - and then if you hate it, you're pretty fucked as it's not like you can re-home them or send them to the pound...

I really wanted kids when I was in my twenties and now, at 37, I am eternally grateful I never went through with it.

I absolutely would not at all have been able to cope with two, so full credit to you for doing it, even if you do hate it.

But on the plus side, older teens are mostly ok. And eventually they’re good buddies and company for you. Just have to then hope they don’t bring grandkids to you too quickly.

But for now, just keep on ploughing through, school is back soon, and if they aren’t old enough for it yet, they soon will be

I would go back in an instant to hold them as babies or cuddle them as toddlers - but literally just a 10 min trip!

Prefer now they are older a million times more - we all get space to do our own thing but also enjoy their company and chatting to them etc. Teens have been a breeze compared to the absolute overwhelming experience of small children and babies.

@NotSmallButFunSize My neighbors had a baby earlier this year and both DH and I coo over him and love a quick cuddle. But having heard him crying at 3am, that's quite enough for us! 😂

I loved the baby stages so much that I chose to foster babies from a week old .I had two in nappies one a tiny baby and a 4 year old plus a dog . My husband had to be away from home a couple of days at a time but I never once felt it was too much . I was not superwoman but it was just my nature . I find it sad that anyone did not enjoy these days .

You could be suffering from postpartum depression symptoms often persist for a year, and some studies show they can stretch for multiple years.

Make an appointment with your GP saying you are stressed out Say you need blood tests as you could lacking in ferritin.

Take care of yourself

I loved the baby stage till about 5. My eldest was then a complete NIGHTMARE till 21. Middle was fine from about 12 and my son has actually always been easy. I like having a bit more time to myself now their teens/an adult. I wouldn't say I miss the younger years though now I've done them.

I find the toddler years hard too. My youngest is three and while I adore her, it is challenging at times. I just tell myself 'this too shall pass'. I don't think I'll miss this time too much.

Why did you have another one, after the first?

Oh gosh. I feel like I want to come over and help you.

Pre-schoolers are difficult. The Toddler stage was my worst with the first and then he became my perfect funny son and school took him away from me which is why I had a second. I knew I would not have coped with DS1 as a toddler and a new baby, so I waited.
You are definitely at the hardest stage. It really will get better as they become more able to communicate and get a little more independent, I promise.

It didn't let me quote the post but they said they hoped OP wasn't showing her kids that she hated and regretted her kids.

We went to a pub with a nice play area. It also was right next to a river and a low fence. Cue stopping my autistic son making a bee line for the river. Luckily we have reins! I also hate it at the minute.

Same, I love them and of course now I wouldn't wish them away but it's not really for me either and I won't miss it when they fly the nest.

I can only speak from my perspective but I rolled through the baby years, not loving it but accepting it. The primary school years are where things were fun
We could do more things with ghe kids that we enjoy eg hiking, climbing, mountain biking, skiing, back packing for holidays etc.
The teen years were fabulous. It was great watching them compete in their chosen sports, have their first relationships.

I think the difference is i have a partner who pulled his weight , gave me plenty of free time and backed me up with the discipline so we sent out a constant and continuous message about our expectations with behaviour.
Having little ones is exhausting,theres no foubt about it and your feelings are valid.
Its easy for people to look back with rose tinted glasses and say you'll miss it. I dont miss the toddler stage at all! I do miss the teens though, they were good ( there were a few hiccups when ds1 was a bit of a dickhead but we got through it! 😆)