AIBU to say 6:30am isn’t the middle of the night?

[Shezz95]

Little backstory:

We have two children (4 and 4 months), I breastfeed so wake up with the baby but he’s a good sleeper and usually wakes up once around 4/5am. At the weekend my husband and I take turns having a lie in and getting up with the kids - in my eyes a lie in should be an hour ish so that we can still spend time together and do the morning dog walk

Yesterday I woke up at 6 to feed the baby and then went downstairs with them both around 6:20. Baby’s routine is having first nap on the dog walk 2 (ish) hours after waking. Husband is still asleep at 8:20 so I’m trying to get dressed and get kids sorted without waking him, but am also a bit annoyed as he will be out from 10am all day, so kids won’t see him

He wakes up and quickly gets dressed to come on the dog walk and then is out at the football from 10:30 - 3:30, he then gets home and says he’s popping to the pub as it’s his friends dads birthday. He comes back at about 6 and we do bedtime together - not really relevant but just that he’s not seen the kids much today and he usually does either football or cricket one day a weekend so we only have one family day

My 4 year old hasn’t been very well, very lethargic and doesn’t want to eat. This morning he comes in at 6:20 saying he’s thirsty and wants milk. Husband says we don’t get drinks in the middle of the night and that he can only have water. 4YO is crying more and more as he wants milk (probably hungry after not eating much). The baby then wakes up happily babbling.

I say it’s probably best to just wake up now as it’s usual wake up time anyway and he’s poorly etc. husband is trying to get him back to sleep - he’s not going to go as it’s 6:30 and he’s just getting more upset, so I go into the room and husband starts shooing me away and saying I give in to every little whim (I don’t, I’m usually the one disciplining/carrying out consequences). I said I’ll just wake up with them then. He calls me a martyr and starts telling me to fuck off and that I’m being fucking ridiculous etc. I feel like he just doesn’t want to wake up early with them even after hardly seeing them yesterday

AIBU to say 6:30am isn’t the middle of the night and our ill child should be allowed to have a glass of milk!?

You can stop with the outrage now.
OP and her dh have kissed and made up.

Storm in a teacup.

It’s not hyperbole. It’s exactly what happened. A sick and increasingly distressed four year old was refused milk and told to go back to sleep.

its weird that you think this is anything approaching normal and acceptable behaviour

Hungover from being at the pub from maybe 4pm and home by 6pm seems unlikely.

I 100% could not have laid in bed listening to my out of sorts 4 year old being told to go back to bed at pretty much his normal get up time just because DH was hungover (which is how I'm reading this) I definitely would have got involved and dont think that should be classed as being 'unbearable' as suggested earlier in the thread.
DH is a full grown adult and made the decision to go for drink knowing it was his get up with the kids and should've just sucked it up but at least hes apologised for the behaviour and hopefully has realised he was out of order.
The disparity between free time needs addressing before it starts to breed slow growing resentment bit is probably best left for discussion when youve both had time to let this settle.
I would personally accept the apology and let it go as long as it doesnt happen again and I'd also have a good think about how the free time situation could be balanced - whether its more time to yourself, as a couple or as a family. It's too easy just to fall into the habit of things being one sided like that without anyone being intentionally selfish.

I misread the post - you're right, he has no excuse!

The OP and her dh have made it up.

Why on earth are people still trying to stir up extra drama?

Everybody gets a bit grumpy on occasion.
There's no indication that he is a bad husband.

The child was not denied a drink.

The OP obviously knows him better than us.

End of thread.

4 year old can’t go back to sleep to at that time. Your DH is an arsehole

Women do this themselves.... remember how its 2026?

You dont think your sick kid wanting a drink is a good reason to get up? Or your baby being awake at their normal time and ready to get up?

That’s good then. No point in spoiling a day over a brief exchange. He’s apologised. No need for further drama. 😊

What. A. Dick.

No matter what the circumstances/reason or how infrequently it happens or how great someone usually is, I would absolutely not tolerate being sworn at like that by my husband!!!!! 😡

It's very plausible in this day and age that not every man could afford to cover the shortfall of a maternity leave. Like not every man can afford to support their wife being a stay at home mum.

Take at least half the day!
And make sure he does more than “hold the fort” ie babysit; active parenting

One of the great pleasures of my life, from early on (very clear memories from 6yo), was waking up with my dad at about 6am and the conversations we had when our head was so clear. We watched the sun rise or the fog clear. Went boating before anyone was out. Played chess. I learnt about light and evolution and astronomy and...

You DH needs to start to find out his children's waking hours before the mornings become wasted on them.

Oh I agree, however, it's him currently going out to work, not her.

He just fancied a proper sleep. I don't blame him.
Looking after children is hard but not absolutely regimented like having to be up at a certain time.

I doubt that the dh was actively stopping the OP from providing care, anyway, just oh for goodness sake, let me sleep while you get on with it.

Such a fuss over nothing.

Yet people are still determined to get vicarious drama by commenting here.

Leave the bastard etc.

You don't get to decide when the thread ends 😂

You're just pissed off because people are pulling you up on your awful attitude.

It was his turn to get up with his children, why on earth would “for goodness sake let me sleep while you get on with it” even be appropriate in this situation?

Did he not want another baby then?

Unless this is the sort of thing that's happening on a regular basis, it's good you've had a talk. He's said you can have a couple of hours to yourself, so maybe a good idea to get yourself out - visit someone, go for a walk, go to a cafe with a book or just people watch.

This

Of course a four year old csn go back to sleep at that time! Or if they don’t want to sleep, by thst age, they're perfectly old enough to play quietly in their room for a couple of hours.

Look at it this way, if the dh really were absolutely forbidding the OP from taking care of the child what on earth is she still doing there?
Crikey if this is actually what happened I'd be saying myself to leave!!
Why is she even posting on mumsnet instead of just leaving him?

The fact is they've made it up.
So it's a storm in a teacup, no?

Of course I can't declare a thread over.
It is a case of nothing to see here move along, though.

Some people's lives though are such that they live vicariously through other people's drama I guess.

I mean, no, a 4 year old playing alone for “a couple of hours” in the morning isn’t age appropriate whatsoever.

Does it occur to you that you are massively in the minority on this thread that maybe, just maybe, your standards are in the gutter?

💀💀 you don’t get to decide when the thread is over - although I’m sure it’d suit you for it to end so you could forget your embarrassing contribution.

many women “make up” with partners who are abusive to them, unkind to their children because for myriad reasons.

OPs DP:
verbally abused OP
denied their sick child milk
obstructed OP from stepping in and caring for her sick child
spends limited time with his family
requires OP to use her savings to finance her mat leave with their child.

none of those behaviours on their own are pleasant. As a whole it’s a pretty depressing picture of a marriage. Trying to persuade her that it’s normal because your own bar is on the floor is shameful.