AIBU to say 6:30am isn’t the middle of the night?

[Shezz95]

Little backstory:

We have two children (4 and 4 months), I breastfeed so wake up with the baby but he’s a good sleeper and usually wakes up once around 4/5am. At the weekend my husband and I take turns having a lie in and getting up with the kids - in my eyes a lie in should be an hour ish so that we can still spend time together and do the morning dog walk

Yesterday I woke up at 6 to feed the baby and then went downstairs with them both around 6:20. Baby’s routine is having first nap on the dog walk 2 (ish) hours after waking. Husband is still asleep at 8:20 so I’m trying to get dressed and get kids sorted without waking him, but am also a bit annoyed as he will be out from 10am all day, so kids won’t see him

He wakes up and quickly gets dressed to come on the dog walk and then is out at the football from 10:30 - 3:30, he then gets home and says he’s popping to the pub as it’s his friends dads birthday. He comes back at about 6 and we do bedtime together - not really relevant but just that he’s not seen the kids much today and he usually does either football or cricket one day a weekend so we only have one family day

My 4 year old hasn’t been very well, very lethargic and doesn’t want to eat. This morning he comes in at 6:20 saying he’s thirsty and wants milk. Husband says we don’t get drinks in the middle of the night and that he can only have water. 4YO is crying more and more as he wants milk (probably hungry after not eating much). The baby then wakes up happily babbling.

I say it’s probably best to just wake up now as it’s usual wake up time anyway and he’s poorly etc. husband is trying to get him back to sleep - he’s not going to go as it’s 6:30 and he’s just getting more upset, so I go into the room and husband starts shooing me away and saying I give in to every little whim (I don’t, I’m usually the one disciplining/carrying out consequences). I said I’ll just wake up with them then. He calls me a martyr and starts telling me to fuck off and that I’m being fucking ridiculous etc. I feel like he just doesn’t want to wake up early with them even after hardly seeing them yesterday

AIBU to say 6:30am isn’t the middle of the night and our ill child should be allowed to have a glass of milk!?

An hour is a layin? This must be rage bait

Your husband is a rude idiot. Book yourself a spa day next weekend and leave him to it.

Who says the OP doesn’t earn money?
Fuck me, the bar is so low on this site. My husband manages to earn money and not tell me to fuck off or talk to me like shit. I also earn money so that the family can survive.

We’ve just had a chat and he’s apologised
there is still the deeper issues of imbalance of duties/downtime etc but that’s something that will take longer to address

he’s suggested I take a couple of hours to myself today and he’ll hold down the fort

thank you all for your replies and advice

Pretty low bar you have there!

It's unbearable to want a parent to get a sick child a cup of milk at 6.30am?

Are you a terrible husband?

I'd be more raging at the lack of care for a child whose been ill than telling me to eff off. Apologising to me wouldn't cut it. Id want to know wth he was thinking

Just sounds like typical squabbles with young kids. Yes he shouldn't have told you to fuck off but these things happen with whingy kids and early mornings.

If all else is good let it go.

I have to say i do think the joint morning dog walk could be a solo activity, take it in turns maybe reduce the 'jobs' to do?

You're very rude.

I would imagine that with a four month old baby, OP is on maternity leave.

Telling someone to 'fuck off' in a jokey way is very different from what OP's DH did.

In answer to your question, I agree with your husband that most people would still see 6.20 as night time at the weekend. It’s different having to get up to feed a baby, but it’s unreasonable to be expected to get up because a four year old wants milk rather than water.

But the 4 year old gets up at 6.30am anyway, and it was his morning to get up with the children, so all this fuss to get himself an extra 10 mins in bed?

Maybe I’m the odd one out, but we never speak to each other in this! Ever!! I’d think my husband had lost his mind if he spoke to me like that…standards I suppose 🤷‍♀️

Was about to write exactly the same. What a selfish arse you're married to.

I think sometimes we need to remember that things aren’t going to look exactly equal with a 4 month old who’s breastfed, that’s just life.
It doesn’t always mean the other partner is doing something wrong or not being engaged and involved. You need to consider whether he’s not giving you time for a break, or if his breaks will just look different to yours right now.

The facility is there to use 🤷‍♀️…

You had to save up to pay half your bills?! Did he save up too?

Take the whole fucking day.

But by 4 they wouldn’t be asking so early anyway

Its not unusual for a poorly child to wake up earlier than normal

Wow.

Tone matters?

Standing around with mates, one of whom tells an unlikely story, ‘fuck off’ in a jokey tone acceptable.

Speaking to your wife about what time your child gets up? No matter what the tone, completely unacceptable.

Nor does the poster sound ‘unbearable.’ You, however, sound like someone who needs to attend a course in appropriate ways to communicate within a relationship.

OMG This is so bad.
No, no, no, no, no.
I have heard this more than once on this site: when on earth did it start to become a thing? Why are young women being conned in this way?

There is absolutely no way that a woman should have to save up to fund her own maternity leave when the father lives with her. The household costs should be covered from a joint account, and while she has no income, the joint account should be fully funded by the father.
Paying "your 50%" of the bills goes out the window when you basically stop your career for six months or a year to birth and care for his baby. Yes it is your baby as well, but he does not get to treat having a child as totally your responsibility, like some expensive hobby that you took up so you have to pay for it.
Look at it this way - if you were not there (imagine you died in childbirth or ran off with the milkman!) he would have to pay a full-time nanny for that year and longer. You are saving him money by caring for his child for him.

Joint savings to fund maternity is sensible: a savings fund that you both pay into. Having a baby is a joint enterprise. The woman saving her own earnings to fund "her 50%" while she has no income is just so wrong.

Presumably she needs to feed her baby rather than him being a dick.

I'm pleased it appears resolved (for now anyway), but I'd still want to get to the bottom of why he was sabotaging your turn to have a lie in by trying to get your upset DS back to sleep when it was his normal wake up time. Also making him cry by refusing him milk when he'd been unwell the previous day and trying to force him back to sleep when the baby had woken anyway.

If he's getting up with the kids you have to leave him to it, not interfere and tell him what to do. However, he sounds lazy and telling you to fuck off is not ok. You both need marriage guidance otherwise this is a relationship heading for divorce.

You called OP 'unbearable'. You are obviously one of those 'tell it like it is' unpleasant posters who can dish it out but can't take it.

There was nothing in OP's original post that would justify your twatty response. You basically implied that OP was sponging off her poor DH and he should be able to lie in for as long as he wants and should be free to tell OP to fuck off because he is the breadwinner.

As OP is on maternity leave and due to saving up for this is making an equal contribution to their household bills, you were completely and laughably wrong in your haste to give OP a kicking.

I had never heard of women saving up to ‘fund’ their maternity leave to relieve the financial pressure on their partner.

What a bizarre idea. Surely you decide as a couple to have a baby with all that entails. Given everything that a woman goes through and the baby being a joint desire it is not unreasonable for the other partner to contribute too!

The only time it is acceptable to ‘save up’ is if the bills can’t be covered by the other partner alone.

Honestly OP, it makes me really sad to read all this. He’s checked out 1 day a weekend, is mean to your 4 year old at 6.30am, and swears at you. That’s all so horrible. Sending hugs cos it shouldn’t be like that!!!

I couldn’t be with a man who chooses watching sport over family 1 day every weekend. My DP thinks men who do this are childish shirkers.

I see from your replies that your husband has gifted you “a couple of hours” to yourself, after he pranced around all day yesterday! The bar is low.