AIBU to say 6:30am isn’t the middle of the night?

[Shezz95]

Little backstory:

We have two children (4 and 4 months), I breastfeed so wake up with the baby but he’s a good sleeper and usually wakes up once around 4/5am. At the weekend my husband and I take turns having a lie in and getting up with the kids - in my eyes a lie in should be an hour ish so that we can still spend time together and do the morning dog walk

Yesterday I woke up at 6 to feed the baby and then went downstairs with them both around 6:20. Baby’s routine is having first nap on the dog walk 2 (ish) hours after waking. Husband is still asleep at 8:20 so I’m trying to get dressed and get kids sorted without waking him, but am also a bit annoyed as he will be out from 10am all day, so kids won’t see him

He wakes up and quickly gets dressed to come on the dog walk and then is out at the football from 10:30 - 3:30, he then gets home and says he’s popping to the pub as it’s his friends dads birthday. He comes back at about 6 and we do bedtime together - not really relevant but just that he’s not seen the kids much today and he usually does either football or cricket one day a weekend so we only have one family day

My 4 year old hasn’t been very well, very lethargic and doesn’t want to eat. This morning he comes in at 6:20 saying he’s thirsty and wants milk. Husband says we don’t get drinks in the middle of the night and that he can only have water. 4YO is crying more and more as he wants milk (probably hungry after not eating much). The baby then wakes up happily babbling.

I say it’s probably best to just wake up now as it’s usual wake up time anyway and he’s poorly etc. husband is trying to get him back to sleep - he’s not going to go as it’s 6:30 and he’s just getting more upset, so I go into the room and husband starts shooing me away and saying I give in to every little whim (I don’t, I’m usually the one disciplining/carrying out consequences). I said I’ll just wake up with them then. He calls me a martyr and starts telling me to fuck off and that I’m being fucking ridiculous etc. I feel like he just doesn’t want to wake up early with them even after hardly seeing them yesterday

AIBU to say 6:30am isn’t the middle of the night and our ill child should be allowed to have a glass of milk!?

I think you've both had a crappy start to the day. Have a cuddle with your husband, hopefully he'll apologise for swearing at you and you can both move on with the day. No need for any drama

Right…. So why don’t you ask him?

What? Why have you had to save up to mitigate the financial hit you’ve taken to have HIS children? Surely, if your money isn’t shared, he covers the shortfall during May leave. I know this isn’t what your thread is about, but this seems nuts.

He’s being a twat OP. As you say your toddler is probably hungry and your other toddler is tired because he had a busy day yesterday. So he’s annoyed he has to get up.

Sensible advice. Fair play.

Aren’t you stuck with a dick if a husband and planning on leaving him @Morethanalover ?

why don’t you focus on that rather than downplaying what to most of us sounds like a pretty nasty man. No partner has ever ever ever told me to fuck off.

and he said this in front of your children @Shezz95 ?

Of course it isn’t the middle of the night. He doesn’t sound very pleasant.

Seems weird to post then surely, he’s usually happy to get up with the kids, do his share, give you your lie in turn and isn’t someone who typically checks out of parenting. And one time he was a bit grumpy in the morning and you’re posting here about that one specific event rather than a pattern?
Maybe he was tired, maybe he is coming down with something? How can anyone know why one day he felt 6:20 was too early to get up?
Have you talked to him?

Cuddle someone who has told me to fuck off in front of my children?

Agreed

it’s like the Op is now back tracking in response to us saying he sounds crap

Jesus Christ

No. Where did you get that from.
I had a dick of an ex husband.

No matter, people who trawl through another poster's history like they're Sherlock fecking Holmes get on my wick.

Did you really need to ask if 6:30am is the middle of the night?

I don’t see why you all need to go on the dog walk.
Plenty of father’s don’t see their kids every day.
When you stop BFing I hope you get equal time off to enjoy a hobby.

06:30 am is definitely not the middle of the night, especially when you have young children.

The more concerning part here is the way he’s speaking to you. He’s probably feeling a little rough from being out all day and the at the pub, but that’s his problem and not an excuse to take it out on you for getting up at a perfectly reasonable time.

You posted that your husband was a dick and you’d be out soon on the 23rd

that was quick

Yes. When do you get the whole day to yourself? Or do you alternate weeks? Or save up his 3 Sundays and go away for a weekend on your own with mates?

@Morethanalover dont judge others by your own poor standards for a relationship

Well, presumably they aren't going to divorce over this, so yes a cuddle and move on seems like a decent and sensible thing to do rather than have a tense atmosphere all day for the children to live in which, in my opinion, is worse and far more damaging

6.30am would be a luxurious lie-in in my house at the moment (sadly!)

I think your DH used the idea of giving strict boundaries to your 4 year old to give a respectable veneer to the truth, which is that he is selfish and lazy, and he would like to stay in bed and not face up to the responsibility of parenting small children.

What do you want- a chocolate watch?
I find it deeply fucking weird and just a tad stalkerish to trawl through other people's posts.
I never do it.

In any case, am I not allowed to comment on anything else?

Not allowed an opinion on anything?

Don't answer. I won't be relying to you again.
So unless you want to derail another person's thread, just leave me be.

Does he often go to the pub? Is it possible he did more than just drink? The grumpiness, if it's unusual, may just be hangover/come down.

It's pretty atrocious attitude but if it's a one off, I would chalk it up to him recovering or being ill (could he have whatever your DS had?). If it happens a fair amount, then I would be telling him he needed to get his act together.

6:30 certainly isn't the middle of the night, but I would be groaning on a weekend if someone was trying to get me up then (even if that someone was me).

I get why people are bringing up the swearing, but I think language use has a massive range. I'm pretty sweary and it wouldn't bother me unless there was heat to it. But if he never normally swears at you, or if you don't like it and you've told him, then I think it's significant that he swore at you and it might need addressing.

6:30 IS ‘morning time’ ffs!! 🤦‍♀️

I am up every day long before 6am. I’d say anytime before 4 is middle of night and anytime after 6am is morning for most toddlers / young kids