AIBU to say 6:30am isn’t the middle of the night?

[Shezz95]

Little backstory:

We have two children (4 and 4 months), I breastfeed so wake up with the baby but he’s a good sleeper and usually wakes up once around 4/5am. At the weekend my husband and I take turns having a lie in and getting up with the kids - in my eyes a lie in should be an hour ish so that we can still spend time together and do the morning dog walk

Yesterday I woke up at 6 to feed the baby and then went downstairs with them both around 6:20. Baby’s routine is having first nap on the dog walk 2 (ish) hours after waking. Husband is still asleep at 8:20 so I’m trying to get dressed and get kids sorted without waking him, but am also a bit annoyed as he will be out from 10am all day, so kids won’t see him

He wakes up and quickly gets dressed to come on the dog walk and then is out at the football from 10:30 - 3:30, he then gets home and says he’s popping to the pub as it’s his friends dads birthday. He comes back at about 6 and we do bedtime together - not really relevant but just that he’s not seen the kids much today and he usually does either football or cricket one day a weekend so we only have one family day

My 4 year old hasn’t been very well, very lethargic and doesn’t want to eat. This morning he comes in at 6:20 saying he’s thirsty and wants milk. Husband says we don’t get drinks in the middle of the night and that he can only have water. 4YO is crying more and more as he wants milk (probably hungry after not eating much). The baby then wakes up happily babbling.

I say it’s probably best to just wake up now as it’s usual wake up time anyway and he’s poorly etc. husband is trying to get him back to sleep - he’s not going to go as it’s 6:30 and he’s just getting more upset, so I go into the room and husband starts shooing me away and saying I give in to every little whim (I don’t, I’m usually the one disciplining/carrying out consequences). I said I’ll just wake up with them then. He calls me a martyr and starts telling me to fuck off and that I’m being fucking ridiculous etc. I feel like he just doesn’t want to wake up early with them even after hardly seeing them yesterday

AIBU to say 6:30am isn’t the middle of the night and our ill child should be allowed to have a glass of milk!?

Im sure a breastfeeding mother has a couple of bags of expressed in the freezer.

I am appalled that in the same thread we have women saying a sick child who has barely eaten and has woken up at their NORMAL WAKE UP TIME and asked for milk should be told to go back to bed AND someone saying the arsehole gobby manchild should be excused because he MIGHT be coming down with something.

No good reason? It's the morning and his turn to get up with the kids and it is the kids usual wake time. It's time to get up but the lazy man wants to ruin everyone else's morning so he can go back to bed. After a hard day of doing his hobbies and going to the pub.

Did you miss the part where poor Mr. Provider is so piss poor at providing for his family that OP had to save up her own wages from ALSO working to continue paying her share of the bills while on maternity leave caring for his kids after carrying and birthing his baby.

Really? Why. The OPs husband sounds like one for leaving a child thirsty because he's too bloody lazy.

What is it with some people 🙄

In my experience the vast majority of parents with young kids know that 6:20 isn't night time. My two are 6 and 10 now. The 6 year old still gets up at 6:30/7 at the weekend. 🙈 I remember when they were toddlers, if we got to 6am we were winning and that goes for lots of parents and family members I know. My 3 year old nephew has been wakening at 5:30 recently (& my sister and partner are wrecked). I am in Northern Ireland though so maybe in different cultures children go to bed later? Here for most young kids it's usually around 7/7:30 but I appreciate that maybe some parents do later bedtime and we aren't all the same.

I'm glad he apologised OP. It does sound like he's getting lots of breaks and you aren't. You've said that that is their usual wake up time so it sounds like he was just being lazy/grumpy. I agree with you that when the kids are small you lie in for an hour or two and then get up and help up. That is what worked for our family and neither of us would have went off for hours to do a hobby when the kids were small. It's only now the kids are bigger and much easier that we get a bit of time to ourselves here and there but we still like to spend time together as a family.

I think the saving up part has gone a bit out of context - I’m on full pay for 6 months and then on statutory for 3 months so am just topping up those 3 months from savings - husband has said if I want longer off work we will make the financial situation work between us - financially things are usually evenly split between us

6.30am definitely isn't middle of the night. We usually get up at 5.45am in the week. We had a lie in here today and woke up at 7.30am. No kids here. Neither of us has ever swore at each other either. Glad you've had a chat with him op.

WHAT??? Your asshole of a husband just gets better. You’re expected to pay half the bills on maternity leave? What a rotten man you’ve married.

No, when you have young kids anytime after 6am is morning. Ok it’s not ideal especially for night owls, but it is what it is! I think after your child has been poorly it’s actually not unreasonable for them to want a drink at that time at all. Being kind is not being a martyr, that’s horrible thing for your husband to say. Hope you enjoy your couple of hours off today.

I Agree he sounds lazy, selfish and agressive. Ick.

Surely you've both saved up and he can cover the majority, because you've done your part, birthing your shared baby and now doing the majority of the care? Please tell me that you, alone, haven't saved up your half of the bills? It seems to be something a lot of women fall for.

The child is 4, not 10, and has been poorly and not eating well. Kids don't do different wake up times at the weekend versus during the week and a 4 yr old up at 6.3/ anting a cup of milk is doing a perfectly ordinary thing anyway

But it would be ridiculous to be trying to sleep anyway, given that they have two children both of whom normally wake up around 6-6.30 ish.

Exactly.
I don't particularly like the term 'fuck off' but in today's world it's just the equivalent of 'go away'.

There is a huge difference between 'fuck off, I'm trying to sleep and have a lie-in after a hard week.' and raging 'fuck off!!!' at somebody in an attempt to scare and dominate.

Context and tone matter.

My DS is 9 and still regularly wakes up between 6:30 and 7:00am. Your DH has been a parent for four years, you'd think he would he used to it by now! He needs to have a word with himself

To be fair milk isn’t the best drink for an ill child.

Do you mean you’re topping up the 3mths from joint savings? If that’s the case that’s a sensible approach. But if it’s your savings then that’s dreadful

Mine was the same (dh). Told the kids they should sleep until 8 😅. Luckily for him I'm an early riser so I'm up at 6 anyway and ofcourse they are hungry after a night! My dh wanted to sleep in so it was all about his comfort which I made really clear to him. Also, I didn't need him in the morning - he just didn't want any noise🙄.

In answer to your original question 6:30 am isnt the middle of the night and that is a fact.
So therefore what is it you want opinions on? Giving a little lad some milk, your rude DH who cant tell the time. What?
Trying to regiment who does what or gets up on each day is setting yourself up for failure so knock that on the head as you will become resentful when things dont work out.

@Shezz95 Oh and I was a sahm to my children which dh thought was great (convenient for him). I haven't contributed anything to our finances but I have contributed to our lives.

The words barely matter.

the fact that the OPs DP was refusing to provide comfort to a sick four year old and then obstructing the OP from doing it herself is the problem.

who the hell refuses a distressed and unwell 4 year old a bit of milk or a cuddle in bed be wise they want to prioritise their own sleep?

Getting your poorly child a drink at 6.20 on your day to get up with them isn’t “no good reason” is it? 🙄

I honestly wonder about some people’s marriages when I read threads like this.

I think this is hyperbole to be honest.

The child was not denied a drink, just not milk.

He probably felt undermined when he said one rule and you went against it, but I would have done the same for a child who hadn't eaten yesterday, and no 6.30 is not the middle of the night.

I'm guessing what caused his reaction to your son is that he is hungover.