AIBU to find my ex cancelling childcare for his wife’s travel strange

[wontTravelbyherself]

I have 2 dc with my ex (8 and 10) he usually has them 3 days a week and every half term, 2 weeks of the summer holidays and we alternate Xmas. Works well.

His wife has recently got a new job and initially it involves a lot of travel apparently. She won’t travel alone.
He has now informed me that there are 3 weekends he can’t do between now and Xmas plus he can’t have the dc during October half term and there are a couple of other days too that he can’t do, no option to move days as he has to work and is self employed so when he’s travelling with her he’s just not working.

AIBU to think this is strange ? Why can’t she travel alone , apparently she doesn’t feel safe and he wants to support her but she isn’t going to any dangerous countries !!!

If she can’t travel alone she shouldn’t have taken a job that involves travelling.
He shouldn’t be letting her job impact on his parenting responsibilities and time with his children. It’s pretty crap and pathetic from both of them.

I'd be asking if he was going to be making up the time at some other point?
What about your free time and your plans?

Because she knows her sap of a husband will forgo time with his children and go with her.

Is think the opposite. This is testing the waters. If she doesnt want to travel alone and the ex facilitates it happily at the cost of his relationship with his children multiple times now, why would that change next year?

id reply for him to let me know who he has arranged to look after the children for all the time. And to pass on my number dor emergencies.

Id say ok to weekends but he needs to sort out October half term

People on MN are obsessed with whether someone was the OW.

Are you sure it’s her anxiety that has caused the change in schedule?

Could it not simply be that they’re taking the opportunity to get a few cheap holidays in at the same time? Her company pays for her accommodation, he stays with her, or they extend the trip and pay for their own accommodation once she’s finished work. Quite a few people I know do this when one partner works away.

If he came to you and just said that they were having a few cheeky work subsidised holidays that's why they need the change, you’d be quite rightly hacked off. Whereas once someone’s mental health is given as the reason, it almost impossible even question it without being seen at he baddie. Don't get me wrong there are genuine cases of anxiety, but it does sometimes seem to a get out of jail card for changing plans or avoiding commitments.

I think the bigger issue is making sure this doesn’t become a gateway to more rearranged visits whenever it suits them. I’m not sure what you can do other than push it back to him to arrange childcare. Would you be happy for your children to go to anyone other than him, or perhaps his family if they’re nearby though?

If the children will be disappointed- he needs to tell them himself and explain and not leave you to deal with any upset.
Women should be modelling resilience and independence to children - she sounds rather pathetic I’m afraid. Not a good role
model to require a Dad to cut his time with his children because she can’t hack the requirements of her job. He needs to make up the time with his children as they are the ones missing out - as OP has explained, It’s not about money.

She’s probably sick or pregant

That’s what I was going to say, why get. Job tbat requires travel if you don’t like to travel alone!? YANBU OP x

Agree. What a silly decision. Never heard anything like it.

They would never know. They pay for the accommodation.

That's exactly what I said.

Just keep the blame directed at him. He is making this choice. As a grandmother I'm really conscious that these are the last couple of years at child type, Halloween parties, soft play, going the park and other activities. I've booked everything I can for Halloween and Christmas. Even if it was "three poxy weekends" it's a lot, when they are at this growing stage. Dads wonder why they haven't got the relationship they would like with their teens/young adult children, this is why, you don't get to duck out.

What he actually means is that she is going on some nice all expenses paid trips which he can tag along too if he just pays the airfare!
I travel for work every other week and if I want to I can extend my stay to include the weekends and hubby often comes with me just to have a nice week away. I suspect your ex is joining her but doesn’t want to tell you that

Exactly what I was thinking

This is what I thought. It struck me as more like an excuse to have some days away together rather than her being too anxious to travel alone......

This is exactly what has happened. Tell your ex you're onto him OP and he is a complete shit.

One more shitty dad who doesn't prioritise his dc and assumes their mum is the default parent.

From the OPs posts it sounds as if the children enjoy Dads company. I am sure that they will be very upset to lose contact time. I would say that this is not about Dad paying for childcare (which he should) it is that children will soon find out how much he does not prioritize their time.

Grandparents as an alternative during half term would very much depend on whether or not this is something they have done before and have that sort of relationship.

The children’s relationship with their father depends on how consistently he shows up.

I also agree that he's definitely going on a jolly at the expense of his dc.

Presumably he can take annual leave on an alternative weekend so his dc don't miss out?

And he shouldn't just be paying for holiday club at half term, he should be arranging childcare entirely, like any other parent has to if they want to go away without their dc.

I just don't understand why she'd take on a job that involved travelling if she can't travel by herself 🤔

Other than that, giving advanced notice of weekends/half term is not terrible.

Edited to add: hmm, actually if you don't work from home then actually that is annoying. You can say that doesn't work for you, that's also fine. It's his issue to sort out, really.

How ridiculous. He can't care for his own children because he has to babysit his grown ass wife.

I agree with posters saying he is probably using his wife's "travel anxiety" as an excuse to have some cheeky trips to nice places.

Like @TheOccupier my first thought was that she is cabin crew. My friend's GF is cabin crew for Virgin and he gets the option to go with her for certain layover trips if there are excess seats and accommodation is also free. It would be a very odd decision to take a cabin crew job if you have travel anxiety lol, but as above, that's probably made up or exaggerated.

OP, is he offering to have them extra at other times to make up for it? Is he paying for holiday clubs etc for the half term so your own working pattern isn't messed up?

Did I write this? 😘

“3 poxy weekends”. That’s 6 days he is choosing his new wife over his children. Plus the midweek and 10 days October holidays. Between now and Christmas he is choosing not to see his children for 25% of the time he is supposed to be their parent, because his wife inexplicably got a job with travel when she is unable to travel alone.