AIBU to be shaken after fiancé stayed out all night?

[TheBlueRobin]

My fiance (M33) didn't come home last night after a night out in our nearest city. I (F33) am so shocked my anger hasn't kicked in yet. We get married in 7 weeks.

He had this night out planned for a little while, going out with a work friend for some food and one of those interactive game places to do darts etc. Later in the night he bumped into a mutual friend of ours who I know is a big drinker and one for nights out. The last time I heard from him was 9:30 where he sent a selfie of the two of them and a comment about our friend's crazy stories. He said he was getting the last train at 11:30 so would be home around midnight. So I went to sleep.

I wake up at 6am to our hungry cats, notice he is not in bed or the spare room and nothing on the Ring doorbell to show he had come home. I presumed he had stayed at friend's house in the city and just said 'look send me a message when you wake up and I can pick you up'. He replied quite quickly saying he was getting the first train home. I asked where he slept and he gave a garbled response saying our friend left him and by that time it was 2am. He went to a late night place and then just walked around and then slept outside a church. He had a thick rain coat on but I was so shocked at his response and disregard for his own personal safety. He had just been paid so could have afforded a taxi or got a cheap hotel or something. He was still quite drunk when I picked him up but he seemed remorseful and in fact quite shocked at his actions. He's sleeping it off now and we'll talk later. It was pouring with rain outside as well.

For context, my partner does like a drink but is not a frequent drinker. His last crazy night out was his stag in June and before that a few months before. We do drink together. I have no concerns about him cheating or anything like being aggressive. But it feels like a switch goes in his head and he just has no regard for his actions and keeps drinking.

He is a good, loving, kind, funny man, he is very loving, affectionate and we have a good relationship. But this has thrown me. If this happened more frequently I wouldn't be with him. If this was earlier in our relationship, it would be a big red flag. We got together in our mid twenties when this kind of thing could be laughed off as part of youth but at 33 you should know better.

Don marry him. He’s playing silly buggers already.

If he slept outside in the rain then just how drenched is he? He should be soaked to his underpants and probably cold to the touch.

I couldn't live/marry with someone who slept outside though rather than get a cheap travelodge for the night.

Is he getting a ride on a magical unicorn back home now? You'll obviously believe anything, you'll learn.

Doesn't sound like the worst thing in the world or unreasonable to me. No way would he be calling OP for a lift at 2am as a PP suggested.
Sleeping in a church porch is quite a sensible thing to do. He probably didn't have enough wits about him to get a taxi and was tired so just holed up in the nearest convenient place. If his actions (tired/hungover) match his words I wouldn't be suspicious but might be worth him working out a strategy so it doesn't happen again.

Sorry but I also think his story doesn't sound believable at all. He would surely just have stayed with his friend or got a taxi home. And if he was really stranded why not message you to let you know what was going on? It just doesn't add up, and if things don't add up that's usually because they aren't true.

What was the “late night place” he went to?

Yeah, I don’t believe a word of his story. Why walk around at 2am instead of heading home. Keep an open mind OP and don’t immediately believe everything he says.

The thing is, he may only pull this stuff once every few months, but it seems like it's in him to do it.
He either got up to no good, or he got so rat-arsed that he was incapable of getting home. Neither is good.
The timing is awful for you. If it's option 2, he might be able to change if he recognises he's got a problem and is willing to change, but you'll have to be willing to take a chance on that.

I would put the wedding on hold until he comes clean. If he doesn't then you know what to do.
Marriage won't change him if this is what he acts like.

That fairy story is about as credible as this bicycle I'm riding. I don't know of any church porches that are left open at night. Usually they have metal gates to stop people going in to have a crafty pee or try to break in.

Sorry OP.. x

Yeah this absolutely does not ring true.
I hate to say it but I think more digging may be required.
No one sleeps outside a church in the rain except in the movies!

This ^.

If you do choose to marry this guy you could well be coming back to these pages months later complaining about the same thing.

I wouldn’t marry a man who thinks getting completely pissed to the point of oblivion with mates is a sensible life choice in his 30’s.

He really should have grown up by now.

I suspect he’ll be unreliable in other ways too so maybe postpone the wedding if you’re not ready to cancel it?

I know lots of men who have got so shit faced they have slept outdoors. Men dont have the same safety fear we do

Love the accidental autocorrect to wank....strange how my phone goes to walk🤔😱😵

Do you? I can honestly say I don’t know any bloke that’s done this. It’s truly pathetic, especially for someone in his 30s.

He's not being honest with you. And the extreme drinking is a red flag on it's own. Put the wedding on hold. Better a delay than denial and expensive regret.

Same place he wanked home from.

I wouldn't get too worked up about him getting shit faced but the story is complete bullshit. Nobody sleeps rough if they can afford an uber home

Probably my own background speaking as my childhood was littered with shitty men but all the wives would basically say there were no warning signs except X.... and then Y.

I'd be shaken by this.

As a woman (depressingly) one of the biggest determinants of your happiness isnthe man you spend your life with (there was a study i think)

The reality is this is DEEPLY unusual behaviour.on top of which his story is bullshit

Imagine him off doing this and you are 6m pregnant... or 6m post partum. Or even fucking worse you have a 18m are pregnant with no 2 gave up work "because it wasnt worth it" this clown of a man is off out doing this and gets fired....

I couldnt live with the stress.

I bet he is pretending to sleep now and getting his story straight. He will likely do something like this again when you are married, but picture yourself holding a baby after being up all night and him doing something like this.

He had a mad night out & was too drunk to get himself home. Not great, but he’s okay now.

Lol
Not a word that would appear in my word bank!!! Thanks for pointing this out so I can get it corrected!

Well I have friends who’ve missed the last train home and have carried on drinking and gone to the station at 02.00 to wait for the first train out at 05.30 because they weren’t going to spend £100 on a cab home ( from
central London ) How much would the cab have been for him ?

I slept in a church porch once and my social life is notoriously uneventful. These things happen sometimes. However the OP’s partner seems to be out on eventful benders quite frequently, which is a bit different.
Was it reasonable for him to not get a taxi when he missed the train because it’s too far? Or because he was so drunk the drivers wouldn’t take him?

😆