Friend’s reaction to my pregnancy news

[sarahjane7777]

Hi everyone,

I’m seeking some perspective here because I can’t tell if I’m being unreasonable or not.

I have a group of friends from university, we all ended up across the country. We stay in contact everyday through a WhatsApp group and meet up regularly.

I have been battling infertility for three years now. They are aware, and have always supported me. After a long IVF journey with multiple losses, I am now 17 weeks pregnant with a baby boy.

I had wanted to wait until our next weekend away to tell everyone, but the way it fell just meant I would be nearly 30 weeks. So I decided to text them the news after a private scan today.

One friend immediately responded with “oh I’m so glad to hear that, it’s just the news I needed because I’ve been having a rotten week”, and she then went on to explain why it had been so bad - a hospital admission, work stuff, etc etc.

Nobody else responded and instead started asking her how she was etc.

AIBU to have my nose a little out of joint with that? It’s just really upset me

And congratulations! 😍

Massive congratulations this is fantastic for you. There are always people who have to constantly talk about themselves. There are three in my life and it’s exhausting. She shouldn’t have done that and your other friends were mean for not responding

I think this about social groups...there's always at least one of the group you wouldn't choose to be friends with. Best friends don't come in a handy multi-pack.

I'd be disgusted tbh

From their behaviour today that person would be the op as they all rushed to the friend with a bad week.

Which sucks to find out.

Yeah. I neglected to say that of course, to another member of the group, that someone is you (me).

I think social groups can be tricky.

I find you either need a very large group which are less invested overall where everyone still has tiny little splinter groups or a tiny group full stop.

Once you are in a group of 6/7 there is always someone who is only there because it’s so and so’s friend or well we include them because they are sensitive/don’t have anyone else/life is hard for them. Then there is a side chat without that one person.

Out of curiosity, have you responded to her or did you just post the (very fair) call out message?

So sorry your friends didn’t put the effort in to celebrate your happy news. I do wonder if they perhaps felt a bit worried about how to respond given your previous loss but even so,
you shared happy news and so they should have celebrated with you.
Anyway, congratulations! I hope you have others in your life who are celebrating your big news.

I have ignored it. Every week in her life seems to be a drama and she’s always relishing in every little thing going wrong

Seems a bit harsh if she’s been admitted to hospital? Especially when you said she’s always supported you

@sarahjane7777 I think I’d have replied to her right away in the group, saying sorry to hear her news and glad your pregnancy news made her feel better because obviously it’s been a strain for you. That would have made it easier for the others. Not helpful I know but I do get how you feel it completely took the shine off your news.

So again, it’s the perennial Mn mystery. ‘I have friends I don’t much like.’

Hmmmm sadly OP you’ve lost the high ground there.

Well I have no idea who you are obviously but CONGRATULATUONS - lovely amazing news and I wish you and your partner all the best x

I can understand your upset but if you look at it from your friend's viewpoint.
She's had a terrible week. She congratulated you and explained her week. You then didn't respond whatsoever to sympathise. You then sent a complaint message.
This doesn't show you to be a good friend.

Oh come on. The 'friend' was tone deaf, selfish and clearly has previous.
Maybe if friend got called out more she wouldn't hurt people so much with her insensitivity.

We haven't been told what the 'bad week' was.
This year, on my birthday, a friend posted on our group chat about some terrible news. Nobody wished me a happy birthday as this was very early in the morning. I wasn't upset. I was concerned for my friend.

This news was concerning enough for the other friends to comfort her. Yet the OP didn't.

Of course they didn't! How hollow does "Oh sorry, congratulations of course" sound after they've been told off?

At least she actually congratulated the OP.
She just also said about her news too.

What if she was pregnant and she decided to admit it after OP shared her news - would that also not have been ok.

The other friends didn’t even bother acknowledging the OP.
I would be way more pissed off at them then the woman who actually said congratulations and how happy she was etc

Huge congratulations OP!!!! So delighted for you as a fellow IVF mum.

Your friends sound like they have zero emotional intelligence - you don't have to have suffered infertility yourself nor be a parent to understand what a congratulatory moment this is. They should be totally embarrassed of themselves.

Well done for calling them out on it and all the best for your pregnancy and parenthood x

And them! I might say sorry to hear you've been in hospital Amy, but I would acknowledge OP too. They're all equally at fault.

Send another text.
‘Is anyone going to congratulate me!?’

Lovely news, congratulations! I would feel let down by my friendship group if this happened to me - especially after calling them out and still no apologies /congratulations. It’s just poor behaviour, not what friends who know your struggles would do. Very upsetting.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.
A hospital admission sounds pretty serious. Your friend can be happy for you and need support for herself at the same time. It may be good that you realise now that your pregnancy and baby won't trump everything else. Although I do think the others should have acknowledged the pregnancy as well as what your friend is going through. That's on them, not the friend who congratulated you and said how happy she was with your news.