Friend’s reaction to my pregnancy news

[sarahjane7777]

Hi everyone,

I’m seeking some perspective here because I can’t tell if I’m being unreasonable or not.

I have a group of friends from university, we all ended up across the country. We stay in contact everyday through a WhatsApp group and meet up regularly.

I have been battling infertility for three years now. They are aware, and have always supported me. After a long IVF journey with multiple losses, I am now 17 weeks pregnant with a baby boy.

I had wanted to wait until our next weekend away to tell everyone, but the way it fell just meant I would be nearly 30 weeks. So I decided to text them the news after a private scan today.

One friend immediately responded with “oh I’m so glad to hear that, it’s just the news I needed because I’ve been having a rotten week”, and she then went on to explain why it had been so bad - a hospital admission, work stuff, etc etc.

Nobody else responded and instead started asking her how she was etc.

AIBU to have my nose a little out of joint with that? It’s just really upset me

I’ve sent a message calling them out and it’s just had a few heart reactions. It’s just made me feel really sad

Are you the first in the group to fall pregnant? Maybe if they are not interested in kids yet, it doesn’t seem like a big deal to them. But it’s still shite and immature to invite your wonderful news.

Congrats from me! 💐🎉

Ignore not invite

I think you are blaming the wrong person. She was happy for you. Your other friends are the ones who ignored you!

This person sounds very self absorbed.
why have the others not responded and congratulated you though. Maybe they’re not good friends anymore? Maybe your message was lost in this other person’s moaning and they didn’t see your announcement ?

I cannot stand people like that and would have made a point to ignore her and congratulate you.

Congrarulations, OP. Wonderful news!

It’s wonderful news, congratulations op xx

Are many of them parents? I always find that people without kids (or people who had kids a long time ago) the ones who make the most upsetting comments

But she said she was really glad to hear it and it cheered her up. Why does one person being pregnant trump everything else that’s going on in everyone else’s life?

Sounds like the one friend who responded just went on and on about herself and stole the limelight, causing the others to respond to her alone. None of them sound great. Is there more to it?

So still only the one ‘congratulations’? That’s weird. Do they have children? Maybe they don’t quite understand the importance to you? Or maybe they’re just horrible people and you’re growing apart?

A huge congratulations to you. What lovely news. Such a fun stage in your life.

Congratulations! Such wonderful news! So happy for you! 💐

I don’t know if they now feel a bit awkward?

I had hoped they’d understand because we’ve been quite open about our journey. But the friend who responded has spilled quite a lot of detail about their issues so I think it’s just a case of feeling awkward and unable to comment

What did you message when you called them out, OP? Congratulations by the way!

Because she could have simply congratulated OP and not brought her mundane tales into it at all.

They sound like horrible friends. The least they could have said is 'Congratulations ' - it takes 5 seconds to type.
Anyway, we are all delighted for you here, and hopefully your family and other friends/ colleagues are too. Best wishes to you and your little bundle 🥰

Seems off.

At least the first one gave congratulations.

Weird that all the other friends have glossed over it entirely and then when you’ve called them out still nothing other than heart responses.

Somethings rumbling in the background you don’t know about.

@Sartre So everyone else’s life is mundane when you are pregnant and you are the only important one?

That’s not what I said at all?

No, I didn’t say it was. I was responding to Satre’s comment. Congratulations btw.

what did you say?

I would assume she didn’t think at the time no one else would then comment on your pregnancy. I mean you’d not would you. Few are as Machiavellian as folks think.

so I think it’s ok the others, who should have reacted to your news too

I’d not gp down the road of bad mouthing her as you are on here, just as you’re pissed off.

That’s not really how group chats work though, she would be very unusual to think oh I can’t now say anything on this very active chat and need to wait till everyone has congratulated the op.

No. When a friend has struggled to conceive for some time and they share the brilliant news of their pregnancy your immediate reaction shouldn’t be “wow congratulations, thanks for telling me because I’ve had an awful week, x and y tedious things happened this week”. Just congratulate and leave the tales for another conversation!

Yeah so there is more to this, as thays weird.