Friend’s reaction to my pregnancy news

[sarahjane7777]

Hi everyone,

I’m seeking some perspective here because I can’t tell if I’m being unreasonable or not.

I have a group of friends from university, we all ended up across the country. We stay in contact everyday through a WhatsApp group and meet up regularly.

I have been battling infertility for three years now. They are aware, and have always supported me. After a long IVF journey with multiple losses, I am now 17 weeks pregnant with a baby boy.

I had wanted to wait until our next weekend away to tell everyone, but the way it fell just meant I would be nearly 30 weeks. So I decided to text them the news after a private scan today.

One friend immediately responded with “oh I’m so glad to hear that, it’s just the news I needed because I’ve been having a rotten week”, and she then went on to explain why it had been so bad - a hospital admission, work stuff, etc etc.

Nobody else responded and instead started asking her how she was etc.

AIBU to have my nose a little out of joint with that? It’s just really upset me

Congratuations, OP! Lovely news!

So you had one congratulations and a few likes of your message, no one else has actually said congratulations? Have I misunderstood, as that seems so very odd!

CONGRATULATIONS 🎉

No one else has congratulated you on your news? At least the one that responded reacted to your news, what about the other wet lettuces who have said nothing??

Wonder if your announcement got buried by self-centred friend, the next person saw her message and responded to that, and so on?

Wish you had posted what you actually put! It’s odd that no one has said congratulations even now you’ve called it out.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.
I think you are however being a little unreasonable to be actively seeking congratulations in a follow up by ‘calling everyone out’. That’s just weird.

I am sure that your friends are happy for you. Not everyone likes the performative nature of celebrating news in WhatsApp group chats.

Why didn’t anyone else respond? It’s fair to be upset.

I just said I’m disappointed that people didn’t react, they knew this was a big deal to us and they’ve just brushed over it

And they still didn’t respond. Other than some hearts, surely thay must tell you it’s not about lady one? As at that point the normal reaction would be oh god, congrats!

is there someone in the group struggling with fertility they maybe sensitive to?

I’m going to be honest, I want congratulations. This is the furthest I’ve ever carried a pregnancy and the most hopeful it’s ever looked. This is a huge milestone

Jesus christ, did you read the op at all.

Op, not infertility but Ive had miscarriages and sadly I'm also bereaved mother of twins - stillbirth and neonatal death. 4 babies gone in 2.5 yrs. I felt the same way when I finally got pregnant with their sibling and brought her home. It's surreal when it finally happens. Congrats on your news and best of luck.

Oh she's very skilled!

It's a shame your other friends didn't see through it.

How old are you all? Are there others in the group who may also be having fertility issues that they haven’t mentioned? I remember that stage of life and people were having issues with miscarriages, secondary infertility, fertility treatment. They might be going through stuff as well. Congratulations to you tho.

Fair enough, I get that, but it’s not the First Lady’s fault, as they still are not doing it. Could they be concerned due to previous pregnancies they are unsure what to say?

Actually it can’t be they don’t know what to say as you’ve basically told them you want congrats

Hmm. I suspect there is a side-chat. The heart emojis give that one away.

I agree with the poster who said it's a shame the rest of the group let Ms Narcissistic redirect the chat with her skills.

For you your pregnancy is huge. It’s wonderful and something you feared might never happen. It’s probably dominated your thoughts for a long while.

For many reasons these long distance friends understandably don’t have it as the same level of priority. Maybe they saw the message and didn’t get round to answering. Maybe they are having their own infertility challenges that they haven’t shared. You just don’t know.

Over the weeks, months and years these friends will demonstrate to you in real life how much they care for you and your family. This is the important thing and what you need to focus on.

I don't think she did anything wrong. Your pregnancy is important to you. Whatever's been happening to her is far more important to her. She did congratulate you.

And isn't it possible that the others only saw her post and thus responded to that, rather than going back to look at what she was responding to?

I have to say that if someone told me off on WhatsApp for my insufficient excitement at their pregnancy, a heart emoji is probably all I'd rise to. It's a bit juvenile. Be happy for yourself, OP. It's wonderful. But it's more important to you than to anyone else. For other people it mostly falls into the 'Oh, that's nice' category.

Does everyone else have children?

Is there a backstory here like you've dominated the group chat the last few years with your baby/fertility journey and they've got a bit fed up? It's easy to become self absorbed with stuff like that, and the way you've described their reaction I immediately pictured people who are a bit sick of hearing about it! But if not, then they aren't great friends.

But they didn’t did they, because even when the op called it out they didn’t congratulate her, so this is nothing to do with the First Lady

I don’t really understand the ‘it’s not a priority or as exciting to other people’ angle. If a stranger I didn’t know from Adam told me they were pregnant I would say congratulations, there’s no excuse for not doing so.

It would NOT have been hard for them to respind by congratulating you and then also sending well wishes to LittleMissMeMeMe.

I'm in lots of busy group chats and often reply to two or three people when i come back to it.

Do any of the others have kids yet? If they do, how did you navigate news of their pregnancies?

The only time I’ve seen this was a friend who announced her pregnancy but had previously completely ignored lots of other friends pregnancies (and births) due to fertility issues of her own. She got a muted reception from the people she’d backed off from.

This is weird. I kind of get your look-at-me friend who congratulated you and then made it about herself (we all know one of those! 😂) But I don't understand the others who haven't commented at all other than the heart emoji when you called them out. That is BIZARRE! Surely there must be some wild back story here? If not, I'm terribly sorry OP but your friends are absolutely crap! Congratulations on your pregnancy, I hope everything goes brilliantly for you. 💕

She's not a great friend is she?!! Nor are the others who didn't even respond. Perhaps you'll meet some new, less self-centred friends as a new mum!

Anyway, congratulations, awesome news :-)