AIBU? DH and family holiday

[Mrshermitt]

FIL birthday this year and theyve planned a family holiday abroad but it’s 1.5k each and at Christmas time. I am unwell so I can’t go anyway and we can’t afford to spend money like that now I’m not working. We have 3 kids so looking at 7.5k for all of us.

DH desperately wants to go and I’ve just said go because I’m sick of hearing about it. I can barely manage taking care of myself some days but somehow I have to figure out with the kids.He’s going for 7 days and coming back on Boxing Day.

Can I ask would your husband do to this to you and your family or even consider it? Especially at that time of the year too?

I think it’s absolutely fine for partners to go on holiday with their family or friends without their partners and even DC.

But only if they can also afford to go away with the family at a different time.

This situation is different because money is so tight and that money can be used for a family holiday instead.

My mother-in-law was like you and my sister feels the same and that's fine. We're all different. After 58 years of marriage my husband and I barely notice our birthdays nowadays and just try to enjoy life all year round. I still think OP's parents-in-law were insensitive to book an expensive family celebration so far away at Christmas in the circumstances.

Unless there's some huge backstory like actually your 3 kids are adults who are likely to be at their parteners' places for Christmas, DH should want to be with his wife and kids.

So your husband is happy to leave 3 young children over Christmas? I’d be telling him if he goes not to bother coming back.

They’ve already booked it! DH is adding himself on. But I am done this is the end for me.

I feel sorry for the in-laws. If it were .me I'd never again tell my family my holiday plans . Stress on them when they've planned a special birthday holiday. There's no way any one would be added to my booking.

Depends on the illness but I wouldn't have an issue with my husband going.

If you were only together so that he could care for you then it sounds like you've both already checked out of the relationship and it should have been over a long time ago.

Have you asked your DH what arrangements he’s making for support for you and the kids while he’s away? Put it in him!

I think it's also fair to notice how the time of year is an after thought for the OP. She isn't bothered that he is going at Christmas, she's bothered that she can't cope by herself at any time so why is he going at all.

So the enjoy life all year is a great mantra, but I guess this thread would of happened any time of the year

They’ve encouraged him to join the holiday as has the sibling.

A parent doing a few days away for a hobby is probably good for mental health and is fine, but a week over Christmas, leaving the kids and leaving a sick wife to run it, is a really shitty thing to do. I don't think you should ever have given him permission, though. Occasionally, I may try things to test the waters. He took that to an extreme. I sometimes process what I hear before what I see, until I reflect so could be out of the country at yes. Has he shelled out money? If not stop it now, withdraw that permission.

OP They’ve already booked it! DH is adding himself on. But I am done this is the end for me.

The in laws didn't arrange a family get together . They booked their own holiday.

His brother and Dad have been calling him asking what he was going to do about the holiday.

Honestly OP, it would be horrendous if you were 100% fit & healthy, but given you're not fit & healthy, it takes the whole situation to a whole new level imo?

A H who is happy to leave his wife & kids over Xmas when he know full well that you physically cannot manage alone normally?

So he's not going to concern himself with how you're going to shop/cook/decorate etc for Xmas, cos he'll be sunning himself on a fucking beach???
He couldn't care less that he's going to miss seeing his own bloody children Xmas Eve or Xmas Day either!

Just scum. Pure selfishness and zero concern for either you or his own DC.

I cannot get my head round it tbh. I couldn't even share a bed with a man who's sole consideration is himself, particularly at Xmas...

I'm not surprised you're done.

No the rest of the family are booked on too.

Op I’m sorry but your husband is a selfish prick. His bags would be waiting for him on the doorstep at his return.

That would probably be a relief for him. No I'll wife or kids to deal with. Hence he could do as he wished

Absolutely selfish. I’d be done too.

How old are the children

That's not fair. He came back because she needed him when they tried to separate, she says this further up.

The thing is he said all this at the start said he felt bad leaving me to struggle with the kids. So I thought we was over the holiday crap but because he works with his brother they are probably discussing it every shift. Apparently his brother even said what about if dad doesn’t make it until his 70th. If your dad cared so much about his health he would stop drinking and smoking cigarettes after having 2 strokes. The whole family is unbelievable.

My husband wouldn’t want to be away from his family that long especially at Christmas. And when I say “his family” I mean our children and I so luckily this wouldn’t be an issue for us.

If it wasn’t at Christmas I would encourage him to go, with or without us, mainly incase he regrets not going one day. However, I don’t have your health issues. He wouldn’t leave me like that and I wouldn’t leave him either.

That's horrible OP that he's got his brother in his ear saying stupid things like that.

It's clear that they're both as bad as each other, and that you'll be so much happier once you're no longer a part of that kind of toxic selfishness.

' Apparently his brother even said what about if dad doesn’t make it until his 70th. '

What if he doesn't make it to his 65th

is this going to be trotted out for every single next big birthday 65 / 70 / 80 and so on

Is he retiring this year ? if it's such a big birthday for his family.

Jeez. No way my partner would even consider going. Your H is a selfish man who is showing you what he and his family actually think of you. I’m really sorry op.