AIBU to think friend’s question was fair?

[Luluandkirk]

Last night I went to a languages night at a local bar (everyone wears tags with what languages you speak so you can practice & socialise).

My friend and I ended up chatting to 2 guys from Qatar who were just in the bar, not for the language night. So asked what languages they speak and they said Arabic and then said we are Muslim. My friend asked if they were practicing Muslims and one of the guys asked why. My friend kind of dodged a reply and tried to change the subject but he asked why she asked if they were practicing and persisted on the question. My friend said something like ‘oh I just wondered because you are drinking’ (alcohol)

He got really offended so I tried to back my friend up and said that well I was raised catholic but I’m no longer practicing, some people aren’t. The conversation moved on and it was all friendly in the end.

AIBU to think that while the awkward moment probably could’ve been avoided, my friend was just asking questions to get to know them? To clarify, she was absolutely not judging them for drinking but they were in fact drinking so it was a fair enough question. Not everyone raised in a religion do practice it continually and that is perfectly fine. As I said we continued chatting and it was all friendly but I think it played on her mind a bit.

They introduced the fact they were Muslims to the conversations. Your friend asked a follow-up question. Reverse it: 'Yes I speak English and I'm a Christian'. 'Um...OK' <thinks of follow-up question> 'um...do you go to Church?'

They are the ones who introduced religion. Then got arsey when the conversation continued in that direction. Some people can't be told.

Since you're into language I need to point out that practise is the verb, not practice. Practise different languages, practising Muslims etc.

Why ignorant? It’s probably one of the most widely known beliefs about Islam that devout Muslims don’t drink alcohol. Like they, and Jews don’t eat pork. Like Buddhists meditate. Yes, generalisations, but fairly representative. Does OP’s friend need a theology degree to chat to people in a bar now?

And why do we have to pussy foot around asking questions to people of faith? (I ask this as a practising Christian myself) people are entitled to have their beliefs, but no one is entitled to preciousness or extra sensitivity just because of their religion. It’s a damaging social myth in my opinion.

Devout is dufferent to practicing. Devout Christians wouldn't have sex outside marriage, but practicing ones...? How many church weddings are between people who've already lived together?

Honestly the first rule of polite conversation is no religion!

Christianity doesn't act in the same way as Islam, though. You're unlikely to be beaten up if you admit/confirm that you're not a Christian. But in Islam ( as I was told by someone from UAE), everyone is regarded as starting out as Moslem, which is why, for example, a Christian woman who marries a Moslem and converts is known as a 'revert', so reverting back, rather than converting. . So those who aren't Moslem are regarded as rejecting the true faith and can suffer serious consequences.
Doubtless the friend meant no harm but it was ignorant, and I'm not surprised the men weren't happy.

That's Old Testament though. Christ did sway with that for Christians.

Since when was alcohol just down to an individuals definition of Islam? I thought it was a definitive no to alcohol for practicing Muslims.

Not at all. It’s a Middle eastern/ gulf expectation for sure. But in eg Eastern Europe/ Russia Muslim attitudes to alcohol are different

You've just met two randoms in a bar and want to quiz them about their religion? Who cares if they're drinking alcohol or not - unless they're outright slaughtered and have become a liability. YABU.

Well, given that many people who would describe themselves as "practising Muslims" do drink alcohol, I guess it isn't quite the "definitive no" that you thought it was.

A bit like Catholics who choose to use contraception, I guess.

How is it appropriate for anyone outside those faith communities to tell people that they aren't doing their religion in the right way?

I'm willing to bet that the vast majority of religious believers pick and choose which bits of their religious teaching they are going to follow and which they aren't. And why shouldn't they? It is ultimately all about their own beliefs in any case, so if they believe in a particular God but don't think that drinking alcohol or using contraception is really a problem, then that's a matter for their own conscience and not the business of random bystanders.

The awkward moment could have been avoided by your friend acting disingenuous and asking a rhetorical question.

Brag?

You don't know any Muslims do you?

Your friend was exceptionally rude.

Bet she wouldn’t ask a Hindu why they’re eating meat or a Jew why they’re eating pork and question whether they’re practising.

People seem to think Muslims are a free for all. It’s a disgusting attitude and needs to stop.

I'm going to go against the grain here. Although 'are you practising' was a bit of an intense question, why did the guy bring it up if he didn't want to talk about it? Weird thing to lead with, imo.

But she wasnt telling him, she was asking him.

If he didn't want to talk about it, why bring it up?

When i was younger, i was vegetarian for environmental reasons. My beliefs, if you will. I also wore leather, because its more environmentally friendly than artificial fibres. I got asked about that frequently (people assumed it was inconsistent if i was veggie for moral reasons - I wasnt) and i thought it was a fair question . I didn't get pissy with people for asking, or think they were telling me how to live. I was pleased they were interested.

Yes. I know quite a few. None of them drink alcohol. Some of them won't even go to restaurants where it is served.

No one was telling anyone they were doing their religion wrong. They asked a question.

Yes, that's a rude question as it contains an implied judgement. A bit like saying "Are you a practising Christian? I just wondered because you're wearing a short skirt."

This is just silly. One Muslim is not all Muslims. As with any other faith, observance and exact beliefs will vary. It is not for anyone else to police.

Perhaps, but if someone asked if you were a virgin you'd be pretty offended, maybe it felt like the equivalent. I think it was a bit rude to persist, I think there is a lot more sensitivity around some religions more than others. I'm not Muslim but I know a friend who is paranoid about being judged because she has chosen to not practice some elements but to practice others. I am Catholic and wouldn't be so sensitive because I grew up in a liberal laissez faire type of Catholicism. My parents would have probably had a different attitude when questioned. My Mum is still a bit prickly around some local cousins who took a more fundamental approach to how they raised their families and were very judgmental of our family. They were practically waiting for one of us to fall pregnant to make their point. When it happened to a family member there were a lot of I told you so comments.

No, it's not for anyone to police, but we should learn and we do that by asking questions.

Why is that something that a grown up would need to learn? Faith isn't one size fits all, we all know this by the time we're old enough to be in a bar.

The implication was clear. Whether you want to acknowledge that or not.