AIBU to think friend’s question was fair?

[Luluandkirk]

Last night I went to a languages night at a local bar (everyone wears tags with what languages you speak so you can practice & socialise).

My friend and I ended up chatting to 2 guys from Qatar who were just in the bar, not for the language night. So asked what languages they speak and they said Arabic and then said we are Muslim. My friend asked if they were practicing Muslims and one of the guys asked why. My friend kind of dodged a reply and tried to change the subject but he asked why she asked if they were practicing and persisted on the question. My friend said something like ‘oh I just wondered because you are drinking’ (alcohol)

He got really offended so I tried to back my friend up and said that well I was raised catholic but I’m no longer practicing, some people aren’t. The conversation moved on and it was all friendly in the end.

AIBU to think that while the awkward moment probably could’ve been avoided, my friend was just asking questions to get to know them? To clarify, she was absolutely not judging them for drinking but they were in fact drinking so it was a fair enough question. Not everyone raised in a religion do practice it continually and that is perfectly fine. As I said we continued chatting and it was all friendly but I think it played on her mind a bit.

It's a question that revealed your friend to be ignorant about religion and faith in general, as well as a bit socially inappropriate. IMO.

Your friends question comes across as judgemental

You really telling me one of the first questions people ask you when they first meet you is your religion and whether you go to church or whether you have sex before marriage? Of course they don’t. Don’t be absurd.

Why did your friend need to ask questions about their faith and then make a judgement call? Why does it matter to her if he is practising or not? She could have asked a million questions about his interests or about Quatar and like a big ignorant she immediately asked him if he was a practising muslim. You really dont see how that comes across? You and your friend were not being curious you were being judgemental.

Plenty of Muslims drink alcohol. Plenty of Jews eat pig meat. Plenty of Christians have sex before marriage. None of that makes them less of a believer.

I bet those guys, who were not even there for the night but you still imposed yourselves on them, could not wait for the pair of you to leave!

I don't think it is an unreasonable questions to ask.

Muslims are not supposed not to drink alcohol. That's just a fact.

Nothing judgemental or offensive about assuming that if they are drinking alcohol then they are not practicing or are relaxed about religious 'rules'.

I assume the men got offended because they know perfectly well that they should not be in bar drinking alcohol and probably do it abroad but not in their country of origin.

People are trying very hard to get offended on this thread...

I think you friend was unnecessary and slightly rude. If they were not drinking would she have asked it or asked it in a non social setting. It really was not any of her business. She only just met them.

I'll probably be linched here but i dont think your friend was that out of order. The men introduced themselves as muslim, then they are offended when she asked if they practiced. Its them that made religion center of the conversation.

This is exactly why it was rude to effectively mention it. You shouldn’t ask questions that look like they’re designed to catch people out.

Sure, you can think to yourself “hmm, Muslim but also drinking, chances are they’re a bit relaxed in some areas of practicing their faith” but to ask them about it directly sounds like you’re passing judgement exactly like you have done here (“they know perfectly well that they should not be in bar drinking alcohol”. It’s treating grown men like naughty children.

Exactly that. As if Christians aare questioned on the extent to which they follow their religion within the first few minutes of meeting someone new.

I am certain that if they weren’t men or weren’t Muslim, everyone would agree OP and her friend were inappropriate but because they’re Muslim men, they’re obviously fair game on MN.

Really? You think it’s socially acceptable to question people on the extent to which they follow their faith within the first couple of minutes of meeting them?

Probably secular Muslims (when it suits them).

I agree with this , you and your friend were there to practise your language skills, not delve into a couple of completely unknown guys about their religion and beliefs.

Also it could of been AF beer / cider or just none of your business.

its a very judgemental and inappropriate question to ask a stranger IMO

She inadvertently suggested they were bad Muslims. Wouldn't be too worried about it, they'll live, but I imagine that is why they were pissed off.

In my experience you're allowed to completely shit on Christianity, spirituality, even mock Christ himself. Ask basic questions about Islam and its taboo. You're lucky if you don't get ganged up on.

Why did she ask? What answer did she expect?

"Yes I am practicing in some ways. Please excuse me drinking/in bar"

"No I am not practicing. I still call myself Muslim though"

Either way i think it is a bit beyond polite chit chat and causing him to explain himself. It may have transpired through conversation how devout he is. If she even needed to know.

I think it was a rude thing to ask a stranger and I'm sure Muslims have a lot more experience of being judged in this country than Christians

'Catching people out'

What are you talking about?

They are in a bar, openly drinking alcohol while describing themselves as Muslim. They are not hiding anything...

If a grown man can't deal with such a simple question like that I am not sure they are that grown up by the way.

This thread is so bizarre to me.

Like a parallel universe where people bend over backwards to try to get offended about a non issue.

Ok so if you met someone who wasn’t married and had children, told you they were catholic would you say “oh are you practising? Just because you had your kids outside of marriage and catholics aren’t supposed to?”

of course you wouldn’t. You might mentally register it, but you wouldn’t confront the person with your perceived mismatch between what they say they are and what they’re doing.

YANBU

Yes, I mean I wouldn't challenge a professed Hindu if I saw them eating beef. I wouldn't challenge a practising Jew if I saw them eat shellfish. I see this in the same way.

Yeah, this. Some responses to this thread are bizarre! He brought religion up!

I've got Muslim friends who drink occasionally. I never ask anyone why they're drinking, or not drinking.

I would think OP's friend was equally rude if she were questioning a Catholic stranger on why they were not doing/doing something. Hard to think of a similar food/drink equivalent: maybe saying, 'Why are you eating meat?' on a Friday, especially Good Friday.

I don't think asking if they go to the mosque would be rude in the same way.

Sounds like chit chat and small talk to me. No one needs get offended by everything !

You're right. It is indeed a parallel universe in which people are expected to treat each other with basic courtesy and respect, and in which it would be considered extremely rude to try to interpret someone else's religion for them.

Very different from the universe that you seem to inhabit, obviously, where people are allowed to be as rude as they like and nobody is allowed to point it out.