AIBU to think friend’s question was fair?

[Luluandkirk]

Last night I went to a languages night at a local bar (everyone wears tags with what languages you speak so you can practice & socialise).

My friend and I ended up chatting to 2 guys from Qatar who were just in the bar, not for the language night. So asked what languages they speak and they said Arabic and then said we are Muslim. My friend asked if they were practicing Muslims and one of the guys asked why. My friend kind of dodged a reply and tried to change the subject but he asked why she asked if they were practicing and persisted on the question. My friend said something like ‘oh I just wondered because you are drinking’ (alcohol)

He got really offended so I tried to back my friend up and said that well I was raised catholic but I’m no longer practicing, some people aren’t. The conversation moved on and it was all friendly in the end.

AIBU to think that while the awkward moment probably could’ve been avoided, my friend was just asking questions to get to know them? To clarify, she was absolutely not judging them for drinking but they were in fact drinking so it was a fair enough question. Not everyone raised in a religion do practice it continually and that is perfectly fine. As I said we continued chatting and it was all friendly but I think it played on her mind a bit.

YANBU

I think it’s pretty rude to ask to be honest. They have told you they are Muslim; they define themselves that way and have that belief. It sounds like your friend is then judging whether they meet her definition of Muslim and questioning their drinking etc. You are right that it could have been avoided, but by your friend asking a more appropriate next question.

It sounds a bit intense to quiz someone on their religion and how devout they when you're making small talk in a bar and this is borne out by the fact that the man was offended by the question. 🤷🏻

Whether or not people on here agree with you, it was an inappropriate question for the situation because it bothered the person who'd been asked.

Not unreasonable, obviously. I don't know why you kept talking to him, he sounds aggressive!

Seems a reasonable question to me.

If they were drinking, they clearly aren’t practising, so as well as being a bit rude, it was a silly question to ask.

I think it sounds fine in the context of the evening in question.

People don’t have the same attitude when it comes to Christianity though. I’ve been asked 100 times when I’ve said I’m catholic “do you go to church”. It’s very similar.

No, I think it was a poor choice of question for the situation. If she could see they were drinking alcohol and this event was in a pub, clearly they weren’t devout — so asking them if they were practising risked sounding like a rather aggressive ‘Gotcha!’ It’s certainly not something I’d start off with when making social chitchat to practice my Arabic with total strangers.

I think it’s a strange question. People generally speaking don’t practice all their religion practises 100% of the time, and their tends to be a spectrum of practice

No it not the same at all, the same would be for your friend to say..’do you go to … your place of worship.’

Well it was pretty obvious they weren't practising muslims if they were drinking beer 😅

Not drinking alcohol is pretty much a requirement for a practising Muslim. But I used to live in an Islamic country and would say some did drink, especially among younger people. Not that you could buy it anywhere!
Eating pork was a complete no-no, though.

No it isn't

Very rude question and intrusive question if asked shortly after introduction.

Would be ok after speaking for a while and having a conversation about religion.

The way you have described your friend sounds judgmental.

It's a bit intense at least for someone you have just met. Already they start judging them for having a drink. There is a lot of anti-Muslim racism around so they should be sensitive to that even if the question wasn't meant that way.

But that’s not going to have come up as pretty much the first question from a total stranger at a social event. Neither is ‘Are you a Christian?’

I'm a Muslim and I think your friend asked a valid question. As Muslims we're not supposed to hang around bars let alone drink alcohol.

If she genuinely thought that was a reasonable question why did she dodge a reply when asked why?
I think it's a bit intrusive to someone you've just met and as a PP said it comes across as a bit Gotcha with the drinking.
Do we even know if it was alcoholic drinks they were drinking? There's plenty of decent non alcoholic stuff these days.

How?

I don’t think it’s the same at all. It’s not an innocent question.

It implies, “well you’re drinking, so you obviously can’t be practicing”. Which is judgemental.

This is why I sometimes wonder what the point of religion is. Pick and mix, people do as they like, Catholic (like me) friends who live together and have dc before marriage-absolutely fine, imo, but don’t claim to be a great Catholic, friends who use contraception (v sensible, imo) but you’re not supposed to use any if Catholic) A Sikh friend used to get falling over drunk-didn’t we all-but he wasn’t supposed to drink and couldn’t rationalise going out with another friend because she wasn’t of his religion. I just see the point.

Yeah agreed, it was definitely judgemental. It was essentially - man in bar, finds out man is Muslim, why are you here drinking then?

They’re in a bar. What do you think?