AIBU to think friend’s question was fair?

[Luluandkirk]

Last night I went to a languages night at a local bar (everyone wears tags with what languages you speak so you can practice & socialise).

My friend and I ended up chatting to 2 guys from Qatar who were just in the bar, not for the language night. So asked what languages they speak and they said Arabic and then said we are Muslim. My friend asked if they were practicing Muslims and one of the guys asked why. My friend kind of dodged a reply and tried to change the subject but he asked why she asked if they were practicing and persisted on the question. My friend said something like ‘oh I just wondered because you are drinking’ (alcohol)

He got really offended so I tried to back my friend up and said that well I was raised catholic but I’m no longer practicing, some people aren’t. The conversation moved on and it was all friendly in the end.

AIBU to think that while the awkward moment probably could’ve been avoided, my friend was just asking questions to get to know them? To clarify, she was absolutely not judging them for drinking but they were in fact drinking so it was a fair enough question. Not everyone raised in a religion do practice it continually and that is perfectly fine. As I said we continued chatting and it was all friendly but I think it played on her mind a bit.

Let’s face it, an intrusive question about religion within the first couple of questions of meeting someone is just a social faux pas whatever way you look at it.
It’s like asking someone which way they vote after asking their name.

I think your friend needs to learn some social graces - she sounds pretty inept at „getting to know someone“. If you want to learn more about another person why ask a question that may put them on the backfoot. It’s none of her business and I know plenty of secular Muslims who are practicing their religion but drink.

Plenty of churchgoing Catholics use protection against pregnancy and most of them also wouldn’t cast out gay people. Give your head a wobble!

She was absolutely judging them. She should just own it.

The fact your friend wasn't fit to answer why she asked says it all really.

Your friend was incredibly rude and ignorant. You were even worse. It's none of your business how people portray themselves. Maybe they are not Muslim at all and just wanted to shut you both up. Unfortunately for them they encountered 2 entitled arseholes.
Then you start a thread on here about it!
Arrogance at it's finest.

The complete stranger had declared his religion, unasked. So a follow-up question wasn't unreasonable.

Just having a conversation these days means you have to think about your words, the other person, phraseology, theme, atmosphere, etc. Then take those words out of your mouth, look at them, think about to whom you are addressing those words, consider whether what you are about to say is offensive or intrusive in any way, then either say them, or put them back in your mouth and be quiet.

By the time you do all that, the person will have disappeared.

Far too much analysis and judgment of ordinary conversations now, everyone is looking for offence and bats back, or people are terrified of opening their mouths in the first place!

Honestly....

They were the ones who brought up the subject of their religion, while doing something that everybody knows goes against their religion, so there’s nothing rude about your friend asking that.

If they didn’t want to talk about it they didn’t have to mention it in the first place. I mean, if you’re from Qatar, it’s pretty close to obvious, anyway. I doubt very much your friend would have asked that question if they hadn’t first made that statement.

I think they were rude to bring it up and then get all arsey when your friend pursued the line of conversation. “We’re allowed to introduce the topic of our religion but you’re not allowed to respond to that”? Nah.

Why would they open the conversation by saying they were Muslim, if they’re not?

It’s the two men who come across as arrogant to me.

And if anyone’s an arsehole, it’s not OP and her friend.

I have met a fair few people who take the opportunity to behave differently outside of their country when they are away than when they are inside it due to the social pressure to conform when they are at home.

The point your friend was making could be seen as wagging the finger while they were wanting to exploit their limited opportunity to have what they thought was a good time. So probably not surprising that if that were the case it would not be that well received.

I doubt whether they needed any reminder here.

They don't have that belief or they wouldn't be drinking, would they?

I agree. Practising can mean different things to different people e.g. going to church or mosque, observing certain Holy days or praying 5 times a day. Many Muslims drink alcohol but are still observant

But if you’re asking a follow up question in good faith, just interested chit chat, why would you “dodge the question” when they ask why you were asking?

It's an odd question. We don't expect complete observance of any other other religion do we?
Are you sure they announced their faith out of nowhere?

Since when? According to who? People do only seem to apply this to non Christian faiths.
I’ve never had anyone question that I’m not a real catholic because I’m on the pill.
It’s very normal for someone to consider themselves a follower of a certain religion and not live by every single rule, in fact I would argue almost everyone doesn’t actually abide by every rule.

They’d been caught out hence the aggression

I think it was a rude question. Lots of people “break the rules” of their religion. I was raised catholic and went to catholic school - none of my friends waited for marriage to co-habit/have sex, most still identify as catholic. The world is different to when these religions were written down. It’s up to individuals how they choose to honour their beliefs

Drinking alcohol would be the last question I would ask. I wouldn't even engage, knowing how they treat women.

so why did they brag that they were muslims??

Why would a simple statement be bragging?

Exactly! The man should have told her to piss off and mind her own business. I’m a nosy bugger and I wouldn’t even have thought of that question. It 100% suggests judgement.

Does she also ask Catholics who have children but unmarried if they are practising Catholics?

It was a fair question when you’re making ‘getting to know you’ conversation with a self proclaimed Muslim who is in a bar. He was being a defensive aggressive prick, probably because he’s from a part of the world where men don’t like being challenged or questioned by females.

I'm not terrified of opening my mouth and engaging in polite conversation at all. It is actually very easy to treat others with basic courtesy and respect if you actually want to. Likewise, it's easy to make offensive and/or judgmental comments if you want to. We all get to choose who we want to be.

It’s a perfectly normal follow up question. Their inability to answer calmly and candidly is a giant crimson flag!

I used to have a Turkish Muslim work colleague who would drink beer with the rest of us on nights out.
His "defence" was that "It says in the Koran that a good Muslim should not drink wine. As Allah is all knowing if he'd wanted me not to drink beer he'd have got the Prophet to put that in the Koran"....