To ask you how you navigate other people’s birthdays and special occasions? To start, I know this is a 1st world problem but it’s something that’s been bothering me for a couple of years and I wonder if actually I need to be more chill about it.
I have always ensured that anyone in my family celebrating a birthday has had their gift / card before the day. So, what this looks like is me either posting or dropping off cards / presents in advance (a day or two) and letting that person know what I’ve done / checking it’s convenient. With my eldest child we actually used to laugh about her paternal grandparents desire to only give presents once they were in your company. When I say laugh, we found it a little annoying but didn’t get out of bed over it. But we did kind of agree that some people only want to gift give if they benefit from seeing someone open that gift. The eldest eventually became no contact with them and there was never a card or gift sent (even when the eldest was still technically a child and there hadn’t been a big fall out) Now, I have a younger child (about to turn 10) and I find myself with more people in my life like this. These people are kind and I know they don’t mean to be a pain but they all want to see my child on or very close to their birthday and as children get older they don’t want to sit in the house accepting guests for hours on end (one of these people has a tendency to over stay) do they?
Would you just accept that your child will need to spend a portion of their birthday at home in order to receive gifts from some family members? Would you mention to the family members that you would appreciate them being a little more organised in future so that you aren’t then trying to coordinate visitors on special occasions? For example, this is two different sides of the family that wouldn’t normally be in the same room, three separate households, not enough seats if everyone arrives at the same time etc. I’m currently leaning towards fobbing them all off on my child’s actual birthday (we will be busy it’s not a lie) and giving them the same time slot the day after so that they hopefully feel slightly uncomfortable and organise themselves a bit better next year. The adult child is the funniest to me, they have lived and showed annoyance at the inconvenience of people who do this and now do it themselves! I saw them 2 times recently and they are giving cash in a card so really did have time to sort this. But maybe they just want to see us on our birthday? I doubt they would like us descending on them for hours on their birthday though. And they seem really capable of organising themselves for their own birthdays.
What do you do? If you’re a visitor on the day, what is your motivation? I’ve never cared about watching someone open their gifts but then I’m not very sentimental.