DH wants to be a teenager, no time for me… aibu?

[Turtleneckhead]

DH is off work for the 6 week holiday. I’ve had 2 weeks off where we went on holiday for a week and another pottering around. we are ttc and he has 2 kids from a previous relationship that live with us week on/week off.

DH has hobbies in the evenings on Mondays, Tuesday, Thursdays and Fridays. Obviously on those days on the weeks his kids are here I have to stay in and make sure there’s an adult in the house.

Dhs other hobby is video games. On Saturday and Sunday he played on it all day, and I mean all day. This week his kids are on holiday with their mum so he’s had no responsibilities. Monday was our anniversary, he video gamed all day whilst I was at work, gave me my gift and card, and then went to do his hobby until 9:30pm.

Today when I arrived home from work, he said “let’s spend tonight in my office” (his office being where his computer games are). I feel so sad that he doesn’t want to spend time with me.

And then on our anniversary night he said “turtleneckhead, I want one day where I am a total teenager. I want to game all day until the early hours of the morning. No responsibilities, no having to come down for dinner. I’ll pay for you to go to a spa that day”

Aibu to think this is very incompatible behaviour with marriage? Or am I controlling?

You're his nanny self-cleaning fleshlight. That's all he needs you for. He clearly has no intention of being a father to your baby as he has no intention of being a father to the kids he already has.

What's your housing situation? How easily can you leave? Go back on contraception asap.

Throw this one back on the (rubbish) pile.

Fuck that.

You know you don't want this OP. It's why you posted.

The anniversary thing is huge, really, isn't it? He's taking you for granted and when you point it out he gets defensive and turns it on you. What has he done in the last 6 months that makes you think he would sacrifice anything at all for you?

Stop TTC. Even if you aren't ready to leave him yet, bringing a baby into this will be unfair on the child and make things 10 times worse for you. He is not a good father to his current kids, he's not a good husband to you. He won't be a good father to your baby.

He doesn’t like you enough to want to spend some time with you. 6 weeks off and you just get to babysit his kids? Then he does his hobby multiple days a week and then games all day? Wtaf? Do you not like yourself much? Why would you tolerate this insanity?

Why did his last relationship end?

Hes also just imitiated my stutter during an argument about this, so I’m sitting in the bedroom.

Just realised I didn't address this when I posted - OP he isn't just taking you for granted, he's started to hold you in contempt.

Well he sounds a catch.

Toss the fucker back.

He sounds really boring and he’s taking you for granted.

Would completely understand if you LTB but at the same time appreciate leaving marriages is hard in this day and age where everything is unmanageably expensive! I know I’d struggle on my own income alone and I’m in a better position than most. Divorce just isn’t always feasible. But I would start doing whatever you can to get yourself in the best possible position to leave him, when you can.

I can’t imagine why his other relationship ended!

He should look after his children when they come to stay.

But more importantly, you should leave this total waste of space man child. What does he even bring to your life?!

Please please keep reading OP, I know it hurts but read your posts. He’s really not being kind or nice.

I wouldn't facilitate my husband fucking off out and leaving me with the kids 4 nights a week, if we had kids together (we have one each, none together).

Just seen he has mocked your speech. What a chanmer. Nobody should show their partner this level of disrespect and unkindness, whether they are having a disagreement or not. This will not get better 💐

Why isn’t he staying in with his biological children then? And using his mother to try and defend his poor parenting, utterly pathetic.

To imitate your stutter is an exceptionally cruel thing to do. I never dole out a LTB but I would spend some time thinking through other instances that you may have let pass (of which I’m sure there are many) and decide whether you want the remainder of your life to be treated like a general dogsbody.

My advice is get out and get out now.

He's either neurodivergent or he's extremely immature.
I guess you know why his ex left him.

Was he like this before you married him?

I beg of you don't have kids with him even if it improves. When things get hard he will retreat.

Imagine having your kids only 50% of the time and spending nearly every evening away from them and leaving someone else to babysit them. He is making it very clear to you how he is with kids. I feel very sorry for his ex.
There should be a review page for men where exes can warn you of this crap.

Why on earth are you TTC with this manhole? Was he like this before you got married?

Nobody tells their partner they want to spend their anniversary alone if see a future together or respect and like their partner or values their bollocks

Oh and mothers facilitate abuse by their sons - ask anyone working at women’s aid.

Omg please set up a trip advisor for men! That would be amazing!

His imitating your stutter is unforgivable never mind the other stuff. He's a selfish immature twat. Seriously you deserve someone who prioritises you some of the time.

His mum is on his side @Turtleneckhead so she doesn’t get lumbered with being his childcare skivvy.

It’s not hard to guess why his ex packed him off - he won’t change. He hasn’t learned he’s the problem.

He is cruel, manipulative, lazy and immature. How on earth you can woke up the desire to TTC with him is beyond me. Sack him off and try again with a grown up. You deserve better.

Imitating your stutter? WTF. That’s horrible. Know your worth OP, and you're worth more than this excuse of a man-teen. Ick.

yabvvvvu to put up with this shit @Turtleneckhead

Have higher standards for yourself

And please god, don’t have any kids with him.

It’s funny you’re being told that you’re not treating them like your own kids if you go out but yet they are his own kids and he’s not stopping in.

This. Utter loser.

Imitated your stutter? That’s an appalling thing to do and must have been very hurtful. I wonder what makes it hard for you to see how truly awful this situation is for you? Think about the type of relationship you want and then compare it with the one you have. Ask yourself , is it true that I want to be with someone who imitates my stutter, who shuts down my attempts to speak up, who uses me as a free babysitter and someone who would rather choose FIFA over a night with me? Work on your self esteem until you finally recognise you deserve better.