Page 8 | DH wants to be a teenager, no time for me… aibu?

Turtleneckhead · 2026-08-26T18:01:59+00:00

DH is off work for the 6 week holiday. I’ve had 2 weeks off where we went on holiday for a week and another pottering around. we are ttc and he has 2 kids from a previous relationship that live with us week on/week off. DH has hobbies in the evenings on Mondays, Tuesday, Thursdays and Fridays. Obviously on those days on the weeks his kids are here I have to stay in and make sure there’s an adult in the house. Dhs other hobby is video games. On Saturday and Sunday he played on it all day, and I mean all day. This week his kids are on holiday with their mum so he’s had no responsibilities. Monday was our anniversary, he video gamed all day whilst I was at work, gave me my gift and card, and then went to do his hobby until 9:30pm. Today when I arrived home from work, he said “let’s spend tonight in my office” (his office being where his computer games are). I feel so sad that he doesn’t want to spend time with me. And then on our anniversary night he said “turtleneckhead, I want one day where I am a total teenager. I want to game all day until the early hours of the morning. No responsibilities, no having to come down for dinner. I’ll pay for you to go to a spa that day” Aibu to think this is very incompatible behaviour with marriage? Or am I controlling?

giggidygiggidygiggidy · Yesterday 20:51

What does he mean he wants one day as a teenager!?! The man is living his whole life as one already from what you’ve described!!

TwentyTwoLizards · Yesterday 20:51

I voted YABU to want to have a child with this man and YABU to stay in when his children are staying over, so that he can opt out of parenting for his hobby.

YANBU to think that the current set up is unworkable and that the relationship shouldn’t continue.

CaptainCalm · Yesterday 20:51

Of for goodness sake OP, you can’t be serious.

This man is a total waste of space. What on earth are you doing being with him. Absolutely DO NOT HAVE A CHILD WITH THIS MAN

The good news is that he is very clearly showing you who he is, what kind of father he will be. Act now before it’s too late. Do you have someone to confide in who can help you? I hope you can leave him and have a happier life

Supporting2026 · Yesterday 20:52

Don't have kids with this guy. The issue is not him prioritising his kids over you, the issue is he prioritises himself over him and you. Hobbies/video games matter more than his duties as a parent, and so he dumps the responsibility on you as an unpaid babysitter (it is not your responsibility and they are not your kids - doing it on occasion is fine, doing it 4 nights a week because he can't skip his hobby is not). Can you imagine how much worse as a coparent he will be with kids you actually have parental responsibility for.

Tahlbias · Yesterday 20:52

I would divorce him! He's using you as a child minder and for someone to imitate a stutter... 🤬 That's low!

BruFord · Yesterday 20:53

You can do SO much better than him @Turtleneckhead, he's awful.

The way he's treating you is unacceptable, get rid of him and please don't have a baby with him, he's not worth it.

Luckydog7 · Yesterday 20:56

FFS HE 'knew what he was getting into' when HE had kids

HE is 'treating his children as a burden'

HE is 'being selfish'

FFS apparently you would 'stay in with my biological children' if you had any but somehow HE isnt expected to when they are HIS fucking ACTUAL biological kids!!

HE doesnt 'see his children as family' as he leaves them for thie dtep mother to look after.

HE is a CUNT who is thowing everything in your face to guilt you into doing what he wants do HE can do exactly what HE wants.

It will only get worse with your own child.

'well your at home anyway with the baby so you can look after ALL of the kids duing holidays'

'IM working my SUPER important job SUPPORTING you, so I NEED my rest so you can do ALL of the night wakings'

'Why is house such a mess you've been home ALL day!'

etc etc etc

Millytante · Yesterday 20:56

All these grown men, so many of them fathers too, whose main interest and real commitment is ‘hobbies’, just turn my stomach. (Even the bloody word revolts me in adults when applied to owt other than, say, embroidery or painting antique iron soldiers, etc!)

These types aren’t mature enough for a proper relationship, even without kids in the picture, I reckon.
I’d not flinch at a weekly footie/rugby etc sesh, a team sport involving physical activity and all that, and at least it (all being as it ought to be) doesn't infantilise the guys involved nor eat up the cash needed for kids’ school uniforms in purchasing ActionMan type ‘equipment’ (known as dolls or models to the rest of us, for horribly obsessive solo enjoyment)

Crucially for their partner, they will maintain a balanced attitude to just how much time is reasonably spent being unavailable, playing at your hobby, and still be able to call your relationship a partnership.
I reckon an inability to just spend the evening at home with various essential housework tasksw, and watching tv, pottering about, reading, studying, etc, indicates that the person really has not adjusted their little mind to partnered-up relationship at all.
In such circs I would skedaddle.

[I think anyone suffering a game-addicted partner’s obsession should read The Three Stigmata of Palmer Eldritch, by Philip K Dick.
That’ll shiver your timbers, as PKD uncannily anticipates (decades before the internet) just how much a fathoms-deep involvement in an imaginary world game will rot people brains.]

MrsTerryPratchett · Yesterday 20:56

What the actual fuck are you doing?

Self esteem is nowhere. Leave and don't look back!

Millytante · Yesterday 20:57

Bogofftosomewherehot · Yesterday 19:58

Seriously - what do you think your life will look like if you have a baby with him?

Do you expect him to miraculously change?

He's a class A dick and in your shoes my vagina would have shut up shop months ago, let alone TTC with him.

Stop looking after his kids. Go find your own hobby or social life.
Leave - as it ain't gonna get any better - ever.

Hear, hear! Get out now, while you still can.

carly2803 · Yesterday 20:57

Turtleneckhead · Yesterday 20:14

I find it very hard because posts on here and other forums say “you know what you were getting into when he had kids”, so when I first expressed that it wasn’t fair that I had to stay in when he went out, he basically told me that I was treating his children like a burden. That really hurt me, and I think it made me think that I was being selfish, and not cut out to he a stepmother. His mum also reinforced this and said I’d stay in with my biological children (if I had them), so I was already treating them differently.

DH also takes great offence when I tell him we hardly spend any time together. He asks me for example - if I say well you’re out doing your hobbies and then DSCs are here so we (understandably) don’t get much couple time… that becomes a “you don’t see my children as family. We spend time with the kids, that’s our time”.

He said to me that he is more than just a dad and a husband. I pointed out that he had days to do what he wanted, all I was asking for is a couple of hours in the evening. He said well you assumed I’d be playing a one player game but obviously I meant a two player game.

Hes also just imitiated my stutter during an argument about this, so I’m sitting in the bedroom.

you have married a full time teenager

divorce him now and run before you have kids with him - it WILL get worse!!!

MNLurker1345 · Yesterday 20:57

@Turtleneckhead He is

gaslighting you
manipulating you
disrespecting you
using you

for starters.

And his mother is enabling him and guilt tripping you. How dare they?

On his ‘total teenager’ days will he start asking girls out also? I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw him. Hobbies my foot. What time does he get back?

And to mock your stutter? OMG, we are all
livid!

Do you have someone you can call and tell them what is going on? You have no DC. Do
you both own your home? Do you rent? Is it
possible that you could walk out of their right now and stay with someone?

Or is he off doing his hobby and you are nannying?

PinkJ · Yesterday 20:58

You're nothing but childcare and housekeeper it seems, why would you want a child with him! 🧐, you seem last on his list of priorities, why do people settle for this kind of relationship, selfish bastard!

Pinkflamingo10 · Yesterday 20:58

🤮
under no circumstances have a baby with this useless manbaby
you will be left holding said baby and also your stepchildren

StressedOutPeanut · Yesterday 20:58

There's a term on mumsnet we use... you're a nanny with a fanny. Divorce.

aloris · Yesterday 20:59

Turtleneckhead · Yesterday 20:14

I find it very hard because posts on here and other forums say “you know what you were getting into when he had kids”, so when I first expressed that it wasn’t fair that I had to stay in when he went out, he basically told me that I was treating his children like a burden. That really hurt me, and I think it made me think that I was being selfish, and not cut out to he a stepmother. His mum also reinforced this and said I’d stay in with my biological children (if I had them), so I was already treating them differently.

DH also takes great offence when I tell him we hardly spend any time together. He asks me for example - if I say well you’re out doing your hobbies and then DSCs are here so we (understandably) don’t get much couple time… that becomes a “you don’t see my children as family. We spend time with the kids, that’s our time”.

He said to me that he is more than just a dad and a husband. I pointed out that he had days to do what he wanted, all I was asking for is a couple of hours in the evening. He said well you assumed I’d be playing a one player game but obviously I meant a two player game.

Hes also just imitiated my stutter during an argument about this, so I’m sitting in the bedroom.

If you won't limit your evenings for his children then YOU are treating them like a burden, but when HE won't limit his evenings for those same children (his own children!) he's NOT treating them like a burden???

I know you know his claim doesn't make any sense. It doesn't have to, because the goal isn't to convince you that you're wrong. The goal is to convince you you have no choice, if you want to stay married to him, but to put up with this behavior.

You are in a marriage where any time you point out the double-standard, it will be weaponized to make you feel bad about yourself and powerless to change it.

And he won't even spend time with you! What's the point of this really?

Greenseacat · Yesterday 21:00

Why would you want to stay with this guy or have a child with him?

Move on.

Bananalanacake · Yesterday 21:00

And what would have happened if when you first got together you had made it clear you wanted a relationship living apart with no possibility of living together until his youngest was 18. Would he have stuck around because he loved you or would he be off interviewing the next live in nanny.

Dymaxion · Yesterday 21:02

I mean fair play to him , he had children he didn't want to parent full-time so he found you and now he doesn't really have to parent at all ! You have to admire his chutzpah !

SueKeeper · Yesterday 21:07

I'm really sorry you've been manipulated into this situation, but at least you've realised before getting pregnant.

He's incredibly selfish and that never really changes. Obviously his mum has brought him up to think other people are just characters in his life, not important in their own right. The manipulations over his DCs, that somehow you are bad for not staying in, but he can do as he likes is so warped.

Make some plans over the next few weeks, see friends, go to the cinema, please yourself. Tell him tonight that the childcare ends and the TTC ends, good luck.

PepsiBook · Yesterday 21:09

Why on earth do you "obviously" have to stay home with his kids so he can go out 4 times a week?! They're not there to see you. They're not your kids, they're not your responsibility.
You can help, but it should not be your job.
Why would you want to have a baby with a man child? Imagine how much time he'd give your baby.
Your time alone with his kids aren't there should be special. He's only interested in himself.

Ljzjta · Yesterday 21:11

he sounds like a selfish arse! Do not have children with him. Leaving you with his kids whilst he does his hobbies multiple times a week - big no! his selfishness will never change and will get worse. Please leave.

cantthinkofagoodusername2026 · Yesterday 21:11

This is absolutely insane - he is already living like a teenager. My ovaries have shrivelled up reading this. I would run for the hills if I were you. If you don't want to do that, at least stop facilitating his selfish lifestyle. Perhaps you should take up a hobby that takes you out of the house four nights a week.

Gracez87 · Yesterday 21:13

I think a good test would be can he step up with his own kids, before you have one with him. Why don’t you book in to see friends or do something on one of the nights he has hobbies of a week when you have to stay in with the kids.

His reaction will tell you a lot.

Vulturesoverhead · Yesterday 21:15

Turtleneckhead · Yesterday 20:14

I find it very hard because posts on here and other forums say “you know what you were getting into when he had kids”, so when I first expressed that it wasn’t fair that I had to stay in when he went out, he basically told me that I was treating his children like a burden. That really hurt me, and I think it made me think that I was being selfish, and not cut out to he a stepmother. His mum also reinforced this and said I’d stay in with my biological children (if I had them), so I was already treating them differently.

DH also takes great offence when I tell him we hardly spend any time together. He asks me for example - if I say well you’re out doing your hobbies and then DSCs are here so we (understandably) don’t get much couple time… that becomes a “you don’t see my children as family. We spend time with the kids, that’s our time”.

He said to me that he is more than just a dad and a husband. I pointed out that he had days to do what he wanted, all I was asking for is a couple of hours in the evening. He said well you assumed I’d be playing a one player game but obviously I meant a two player game.

Hes also just imitiated my stutter during an argument about this, so I’m sitting in the bedroom.

Dear god please make this click bait.

You need to leave. You are NOT his fucking nanny.