Page 10 | DH wants to be a teenager, no time for me… aibu?

Turtleneckhead · 2026-08-26T18:01:59+00:00

DH is off work for the 6 week holiday. I’ve had 2 weeks off where we went on holiday for a week and another pottering around. we are ttc and he has 2 kids from a previous relationship that live with us week on/week off. DH has hobbies in the evenings on Mondays, Tuesday, Thursdays and Fridays. Obviously on those days on the weeks his kids are here I have to stay in and make sure there’s an adult in the house. Dhs other hobby is video games. On Saturday and Sunday he played on it all day, and I mean all day. This week his kids are on holiday with their mum so he’s had no responsibilities. Monday was our anniversary, he video gamed all day whilst I was at work, gave me my gift and card, and then went to do his hobby until 9:30pm. Today when I arrived home from work, he said “let’s spend tonight in my office” (his office being where his computer games are). I feel so sad that he doesn’t want to spend time with me. And then on our anniversary night he said “turtleneckhead, I want one day where I am a total teenager. I want to game all day until the early hours of the morning. No responsibilities, no having to come down for dinner. I’ll pay for you to go to a spa that day” Aibu to think this is very incompatible behaviour with marriage? Or am I controlling?

Bigcat25 · Yesterday 21:34

Dear op, your husband is highly manipulative. You're not selfish, he is. Yes, he is more than a husband, but you get to be more than just a wife. Anyway, he's not really much of a husband is he? When you have small kids you're in the thick of it, so he has to be willing to compromise his hobbies. You should have as much downtime as him.

GoldenSandy · Yesterday 21:35

Turtleneckhead · Yesterday 20:14

I find it very hard because posts on here and other forums say “you know what you were getting into when he had kids”, so when I first expressed that it wasn’t fair that I had to stay in when he went out, he basically told me that I was treating his children like a burden. That really hurt me, and I think it made me think that I was being selfish, and not cut out to he a stepmother. His mum also reinforced this and said I’d stay in with my biological children (if I had them), so I was already treating them differently.

DH also takes great offence when I tell him we hardly spend any time together. He asks me for example - if I say well you’re out doing your hobbies and then DSCs are here so we (understandably) don’t get much couple time… that becomes a “you don’t see my children as family. We spend time with the kids, that’s our time”.

He said to me that he is more than just a dad and a husband. I pointed out that he had days to do what he wanted, all I was asking for is a couple of hours in the evening. He said well you assumed I’d be playing a one player game but obviously I meant a two player game.

Hes also just imitiated my stutter during an argument about this, so I’m sitting in the bedroom.

He is a walking red flag. I'm sorry he imitated your stutter, what a nasty person he is.

It is not too late to get out now. You will find someone lovely to have kids with who will want to spend time with your children and with you separately, and with whom you will enjoy the rest of your life. He has shown his true colours. Any apologies will cover up the cracks and waste more of your years. You have one life. Bin him.

Bigcat25 · Yesterday 21:35

Forgot about imitating your stutter, please dump! (Some of my most beloved relatives stutter.)

DoYouSellBuckets · Yesterday 21:36

First post, as always, nails it.

If you need more applicable Mumsnet advice, LTB.

Please, please don't have a baby with this child. I'm so, so sorry you're having to deal with this ❤️

OhBettyCalmDown · Yesterday 21:38

Please do not have a baby with this man. As for the argument that you’d be in looking after your own children. You shouldn’t be forced to do that 4 nights a week either. Let him raise his own children if family is so important to him!

arethereanyleftatall · Yesterday 21:39

Oh op, this is a deeply sad read. What on earth has happened to you in your life that you think it’s a good idea to ttc or get married to this awful man? He is utterly repulsive, a useless husband, even worse dad, nasty to you, lazy, selfish, I could go on. How has he managed to gaslight you in to thinking his kids are your responsibility?!? Yes, someone has to stay in when they’re asleep, and that someone is, obviously (sorry but it is) him. Not you. Please wake up. Please speak to someone in real life. Tell them what you’ve said here and they will look at you as if you cannot possibly be being serious.

GrannyTeapot · Yesterday 21:40

He imitated your stutter?? What an unkind and disrespectful man. He has manipulated you, with the help of his mother, in to behaviours that suit him and doormat and diminish you. You deserve so much more than this. This is a user,

Marycontrarygarden · Yesterday 21:40

What the actual fuck....how can you write this out and still stay with this man 🤮

FashionVixen · Yesterday 21:40

A man (even a teen wannabe dickhead loser) who imitates a stutter is a bully. OP, you have dodged a bullet. Raise your standards. You deserve so much better.

Jom222 · Yesterday 21:41

I was LTB until your last line where he mocked your stutter.

I'm on my way over with a shovel. You need a need patio done up ASAP let's get to digging girls.

emptygoosenest · Yesterday 21:42

The point of understanding that a man with children is dad first is to understand that he will have to prioritize parenting. Not that he will guilt and shame you into providing the parenting for him.
Anyone who mocks your stutter doesn't deserve to be in your life.

bt1234 · Yesterday 21:44

Please don't have a child with home. He will be worse if you have a baby and he's already awful

Tillow4ever · Yesterday 21:44

The more I read, the angrier I get for you OP.

So he’s managed to get 50/50 childcare but leaves close to 3/4 of it to you? And then expects you to be there the rest of the time too so actually you’re probably doing it all, you just don’t realise it. Isn’t he a catch? Guarantee he only wanted 50/50 to either get out of paying maintenance, punish his ex or both. Given your update about him manipulating you, and mocking your stutter, I’d bet both - he’s a nasty, abusive cunt.

He’s persuaded you that if you complain about the imbalance, it means you don’t care about his kids - what a horrible, nasty thing to do. He knows exactly what he’s doing.

Please get your head around these responses - you posted because something told you things weren’t right. Listen to your gut. You’ve married a bad man. Many of us have done that. Take it from someone trapped due to kids and finances - RUN whilst you aren’t tied to him forever.

Do you own or rent? Whose name is everything in?

I would strongly suggest you stop TTC unless you want to be tied to him forever (and if you do escape, know your child will be 50/50 with his new wife doing all the childcare - is that what you want)?

Then get your ducks in a row. Your eyes are wide open now - start seeing everything for what it truly is. If you can, speak to his ex about how they ended and see if anything sounds familiar.

Good luck

randomusernam · Yesterday 21:45

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Hellohelga · Yesterday 21:45

Don’t have a baby with this man unless you are willing to do absolutely everything, and have him moan about you asking for any input from him at all.

LillyPeaceFlowerSun · Yesterday 21:46

He’s shown you who he is. This is it. This is the level of respect he has for you. This is the kind of parent he is. His priority is him.

If you stay with him and have children it will be the same. Worse even. Why is he not with the mother if his children? What does she say?

I would think long and hard about how you want your life to be. My view - you deserve way better than this and he is using you.

PollyBell · Yesterday 21:46

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And we are told men hide who they are there are no red flags to notice

allthingsprettyinpink · Yesterday 21:46

Ick 🤮

Thatsnotmynameno · Yesterday 21:47

What a manipulative knob...and so is his mum!
Taking the easy way by guilt tripping you into looking after his kids.
You are young enough to start over OP, honestly, you throw a baby in the mix and you will feel very alone and a lot of resentment.
He will moan that he has to give up his life and it will just be awful for you.

CheeryOP · Yesterday 21:47

oustedbymymate · Yesterday 19:10

Fuck me. Stop ttc with this man child. You are better than this

This.

Original poster

Turtleneckhead · Yesterday 21:50

I get so confused. I know you’re all right. But then when he speaks I feel like the unreasonable one. He said that playing games together is like watching a film together. And I said I don’t really like playing games and it’s not the same and then he said basically that ok you don’t think we’re connected that really hurts me, is all this a lie? I think we’re connected and you obviously don’t, it feels horrible.

and then I’m like am I being unreasonable, am I a total idiot for getting upset over a game? And then I read here and I’m like actually I’m not wrong.

I don’t even know what I think anymore

OP posts:

CheeryOP · Yesterday 21:50

Turtleneckhead · Yesterday 20:14

I find it very hard because posts on here and other forums say “you know what you were getting into when he had kids”, so when I first expressed that it wasn’t fair that I had to stay in when he went out, he basically told me that I was treating his children like a burden. That really hurt me, and I think it made me think that I was being selfish, and not cut out to he a stepmother. His mum also reinforced this and said I’d stay in with my biological children (if I had them), so I was already treating them differently.

DH also takes great offence when I tell him we hardly spend any time together. He asks me for example - if I say well you’re out doing your hobbies and then DSCs are here so we (understandably) don’t get much couple time… that becomes a “you don’t see my children as family. We spend time with the kids, that’s our time”.

He said to me that he is more than just a dad and a husband. I pointed out that he had days to do what he wanted, all I was asking for is a couple of hours in the evening. He said well you assumed I’d be playing a one player game but obviously I meant a two player game.

Hes also just imitiated my stutter during an argument about this, so I’m sitting in the bedroom.

He is manipulating and guilt tripping you to get what he wants. What he is doing isn't normal husband behaviour with biological children or step children. He isn't good husband material.

arethereanyleftatall · Yesterday 21:51

Turtleneckhead · Yesterday 20:14

I find it very hard because posts on here and other forums say “you know what you were getting into when he had kids”, so when I first expressed that it wasn’t fair that I had to stay in when he went out, he basically told me that I was treating his children like a burden. That really hurt me, and I think it made me think that I was being selfish, and not cut out to he a stepmother. His mum also reinforced this and said I’d stay in with my biological children (if I had them), so I was already treating them differently.

DH also takes great offence when I tell him we hardly spend any time together. He asks me for example - if I say well you’re out doing your hobbies and then DSCs are here so we (understandably) don’t get much couple time… that becomes a “you don’t see my children as family. We spend time with the kids, that’s our time”.

He said to me that he is more than just a dad and a husband. I pointed out that he had days to do what he wanted, all I was asking for is a couple of hours in the evening. He said well you assumed I’d be playing a one player game but obviously I meant a two player game.

Hes also just imitiated my stutter during an argument about this, so I’m sitting in the bedroom.

Op. When posts say ‘you know what you’re getting in to when you get married to a man with kids’ they mean that your time with him will be reduced because he will be parenting his kids. And that you won’t be his first priority so you need to be ok with that.
Not that you should become the free babysitter whilst he carries on living as if he’s single!

Horses7 · Yesterday 21:52

Flippin’ Nora no wonder he is on marriage no. 2!!!
You really want children with this man-child?? What a life he’s got particularly compared to yours.
Go the whole hog and have ‘doormat’ tattooed on your forehead … you might has well because this is how you are being treated by him.
He should be dumped - you are going to have this miserable life forever if you stay.

Carandache18 · Yesterday 21:52

Chuck him back in the fish pond and enjoy your freedom.