Page 19 | DH wants to be a teenager, no time for me… aibu?

arethereanyleftatall · Today 08:32

You can see from these responses op that everyone thinks he’s way more awful than you realise.
you can keep giving us anecdotes which confirm to us how awful he is.

but it’s all pointless ruminating on why he did what.

Your only question you need to answer is ‘is living like this making you happy’ ? If not, draw a line under this past decades decisions, divorce, and start again.

op, I’m single. I absolutely love it. I have no negativity in my head ever, no anxiety of why ‘he’ might do this or that. I’m just drinking my coffee in peace, mindlessly scrolling on mn. I’m going to walk to yoga soon, then work, then I’m meeting a friend for dinner.

being single is utter blissful peace.

PleaseDontTreadOnTheDaisies · Today 08:32

He's bullying you. What you are describing is a bully.

KierkegaardsUnderpants · Today 08:32

Turtleneckhead · Today 08:22

Also during this argument this week, (on the week he doesn’t have the kids) he’s obviously had free time all day, which is fine. The beginning of the holidays I asked if he could load the dishwasher on days he was off, and if needed hang out washing, he said “now I’m some kind of house bitch doing all the housework”

because you have 9 hours of “me time” a day! Chores take about 45 minutes if that. I don’t get from work until late.

House bitch?!!!!!! This is what he thinks you are…Please, please, leave. He is vile.

Garfieldloveslasagnepie · Today 08:33

Jesus what a prick of a man. He’s immature selfish and lazy. Leave him now and don’t get pregnant ffs

dointhebestwecan · Today 08:34

Is he doing 50/50 to avoid child maintenance?

arethereanyleftatall · Today 08:37

Turtleneckhead · Today 08:22

Also during this argument this week, (on the week he doesn’t have the kids) he’s obviously had free time all day, which is fine. The beginning of the holidays I asked if he could load the dishwasher on days he was off, and if needed hang out washing, he said “now I’m some kind of house bitch doing all the housework”

because you have 9 hours of “me time” a day! Chores take about 45 minutes if that. I don’t get from work until late.

If you genuinely have just typed that out without the penny dropping that you need to divorce this awful awful man, then please seek help. Nobody in my life has called me a bitch op, I wouldn’t tolerate it or spend a single second with anyone who did. Do you have any friends/family who can help you? Can you afford a solicitor?

WhatTimeDoYouCallThis · Today 08:37

I am so sorry, he doesn't love you, he loves an easy life. Be very careful because if he realises you are waking up and about to leave he will try hard to get you pregnant to trap you. You deserve better.

Ireolu · Today 08:37

LTB. What an arse. Gaslighting & manipulation galore. A highway of redflags. Yuk of a human (you get the picture) LEAVE.

Speakeasier · Today 08:38

dointhebestwecan · Today 08:34

Is he doing 50/50 to avoid child maintenance?

Undoubtedly.

He’s a poster boy for the selfish, lazy, manipulative men children of the world. He ticks every box.

It’s amazing he found time to actually date the OP and hide his true self long enough that she agreed to marry him. Of course that’s why these types love bomb women: to speed up the process before she takes on the full load.

MrsLFii · Today 08:38

You’d be a complete fool to stay with and have children with this man, I’m sorry to say. He’s got absolutely no respect for you or your time, he doesn’t even seem to like you all that much honestly.

He considers you to be his ‘house bitch’ or he’d never have said that in response to you requesting he do a couple of very simple jobs (jobs my 4 year old helps with, with no complaints btw!). You deserve so, SO much better than someone who disrespects you and uses you as some sort of unpaid housekeeper and nanny.

Mocking your stammer is fucking vile, he’s a cunt. Don’t let him trap you with a baby.

On top of everything else, your mother in law sounds like a pain in the arse, one of his flying monkeys, just there to put doubt in your mind and make you feel bad for stepping out of the line.

DannyDeever · Today 08:40

Turtleneckhead · Yesterday 19:01

DH is off work for the 6 week holiday. I’ve had 2 weeks off where we went on holiday for a week and another pottering around. we are ttc and he has 2 kids from a previous relationship that live with us week on/week off.

DH has hobbies in the evenings on Mondays, Tuesday, Thursdays and Fridays. Obviously on those days on the weeks his kids are here I have to stay in and make sure there’s an adult in the house.

Dhs other hobby is video games. On Saturday and Sunday he played on it all day, and I mean all day. This week his kids are on holiday with their mum so he’s had no responsibilities. Monday was our anniversary, he video gamed all day whilst I was at work, gave me my gift and card, and then went to do his hobby until 9:30pm.

Today when I arrived home from work, he said “let’s spend tonight in my office” (his office being where his computer games are). I feel so sad that he doesn’t want to spend time with me.

And then on our anniversary night he said “turtleneckhead, I want one day where I am a total teenager. I want to game all day until the early hours of the morning. No responsibilities, no having to come down for dinner. I’ll pay for you to go to a spa that day”

Aibu to think this is very incompatible behaviour with marriage? Or am I controlling?

Stop TTC! The last thing you want is to be stuck with this guy. Honestly, things don't improve with time, they get worse. If it's not 100% perfect now it will be a car crash in 2 years time. Walk away now before you're stuck with him forever, and DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN WITH HIM.

Purplecatshopaholic · Today 08:40

Rhaidimiddim · Yesterday 19:14

Do Not Have A Baby With This Absolute Loser Of A Man.

His existing children come to your house to spend time with him, not you. Stop providing him with free childcare, start insisting - if your DC's are here, he be here for them.

Please open your eyes - he's not interested in spending time with you or with his existing children or with any new children he brings into being. At this point he just wants a woman to be his maid, nanny, housekeeper and shag while he continues to live his best teenage life.

If getting you pregnant so that you can't (so easily) leave him is what is required to lock you in as his free childcare, he'll spawn another kid with you. And spend just as little time with it as he does with the existing one and you.

100%. Ditch this man baby, please op.

MonstrousRegimentRocks · Today 08:40

I'm just coming on to here to advise you to listen to all this advice.
This man is a selfish bully. He's abusive and he's gaslighting and you need to get out of the situation, as soon as you can.

BogRollBOGOF · Today 08:40

Turtleneckhead · Today 08:22

Also during this argument this week, (on the week he doesn’t have the kids) he’s obviously had free time all day, which is fine. The beginning of the holidays I asked if he could load the dishwasher on days he was off, and if needed hang out washing, he said “now I’m some kind of house bitch doing all the housework”

because you have 9 hours of “me time” a day! Chores take about 45 minutes if that. I don’t get from work until late.

He really does just see you as a skivvy doesn't he.

Said as someone who has used the summer holidays to do the deeper occasional jobs that stack up during busy term times alongside plenty of leisure time.

Please, please end this "relationship" while you still have some self esteme left.

And it's scary that this manchild is a teacher with influence over young minds

KarenNextDoor · Today 08:42

The more you write, the worse he sounds op. Please leave, you are worth more than this. What is your plan? Dont let him/his mum guilt you re step kids. Ultimately they are nothing to do with you

Lemondressese · Today 08:42

Turtleneckhead · Today 08:22

Also during this argument this week, (on the week he doesn’t have the kids) he’s obviously had free time all day, which is fine. The beginning of the holidays I asked if he could load the dishwasher on days he was off, and if needed hang out washing, he said “now I’m some kind of house bitch doing all the housework”

because you have 9 hours of “me time” a day! Chores take about 45 minutes if that. I don’t get from work until late.

Could he be any clearer?

YOU are the house bitch and skivvy aupair.

Unbelievable that any woman thinks this is the point of her life.

He hasn't an ounce of respect for you?

Why?

Because he knows EXACTLY how he is behaving and you are accepting it.

You couldn't have any self respect and allow anyone treat you like this.

LillyPeaceFlowerSun · Today 08:43

Turtleneckhead · Yesterday 21:50

I get so confused. I know you’re all right. But then when he speaks I feel like the unreasonable one. He said that playing games together is like watching a film together. And I said I don’t really like playing games and it’s not the same and then he said basically that ok you don’t think we’re connected that really hurts me, is all this a lie? I think we’re connected and you obviously don’t, it feels horrible.

and then I’m like am I being unreasonable, am I a total idiot for getting upset over a game? And then I read here and I’m like actually I’m not wrong.

I don’t even know what I think anymore

Look up DARVO.

He is actually being quite manipulative there.

Also check out Dr Ramani’s book ‘It’s Not Me’ - I’m getting vibes.

But mostly. This man is not long term partner material.

WhatATimeToBeAlive · Today 08:44

AggroPotato · Today 08:24

Please wake up OP. He is a gaslighting manipulative wanker. His mum is an enabler.

LEAVE.

Pretty much was I was going to post. This man isn't going to make you happy now or in the future. He's a selfish bastard using you to look after his kids so he can do what the fuck he wants.

Go, while you're still young enough to have a family with someone else.

LillyPeaceFlowerSun · Today 08:47

Turtleneckhead · Today 08:22

Also during this argument this week, (on the week he doesn’t have the kids) he’s obviously had free time all day, which is fine. The beginning of the holidays I asked if he could load the dishwasher on days he was off, and if needed hang out washing, he said “now I’m some kind of house bitch doing all the housework”

because you have 9 hours of “me time” a day! Chores take about 45 minutes if that. I don’t get from work until late.

Sorry, are you saying this manchild doesn’t even load the dishwasher?

Look up ‘The Becky Eckle’

Educate yourself so that you can see this lump of lard for what he is.

He is assuming that having a penis gives him the right to your labour. Your time and energy are just as valuable as his. Your wants and wishes are just as important as his. Your needs matter.

Please don’t have a child with him.

Cyclingmummy1 · Today 08:48

There is a thread that's been running for several weeks called 'There we are then'. This woman has seen the light after her previous threads on being blindsided by DH saying he wanted to divorce. Please read them, she was in a similar situation.

Elsvieta · Today 08:49

"House bitch"? He told you what he thinks of women, right there. You're there for housework and childcare and sex. He doesn't want "couple time" with you as he has no actual interest in you as a person.

If you have kids with him, this is your life forever. Doing all the care for his kids as well as your own and doing everything else at home. And working ft, as a teacher presumably can't support you all.

He mocks how you speak when you say anything he doesn't want to hear. He doesn't like you or respect you.

It's concerning that this man is a teacher.

Naunet · Today 08:51

OP, why does he even want another baby? He just wants to game all day, so you tell me, why on earth would he be actively keen to give himself more responsibility? His only reason is to secure your place as the House Bitch.

Chilly80 · Today 08:52

Run for your life

Nellodee · Today 08:52

I am a teacher on holiday. My husband is at work. I have kids. I try to get absolutely everything done in the day so that when he gets home he doesn’t have to do anything, because he is working and even if I do that, I will still have more time to myself than he does. When he has days off and I’m at work, he does the same for me.

Tangled123 · Today 08:53

I think you should look at the facts here OP, if you’re worried about expecting too much from him. He has two kids. He leaves them in your care while he does his hobbies. You question him and he shuts you down and mocks you. I think that is the biggest red flag over your future relationship.

He is not showing any indication of taking your concerns seriously so you now have a decision to make now:
1 - stay with him, have kids as planned and spent loads of time and energy trying to change him.
2 - put TTC on hold and give him one final ultimatum. If he doesn’t change, then leave.
3 - Cut your losses and leave now. Try to find someone who is worth having a relationship with.

The risk with 1 is that you have the kids and eventually leave him anyway. You also know how that will look as it will be the same as the kids he already has. I personally think if he hasn’t changed by now, he never will.