DH wants to be a teenager, no time for me… aibu?

[Turtleneckhead]

DH is off work for the 6 week holiday. I’ve had 2 weeks off where we went on holiday for a week and another pottering around. we are ttc and he has 2 kids from a previous relationship that live with us week on/week off.

DH has hobbies in the evenings on Mondays, Tuesday, Thursdays and Fridays. Obviously on those days on the weeks his kids are here I have to stay in and make sure there’s an adult in the house.

Dhs other hobby is video games. On Saturday and Sunday he played on it all day, and I mean all day. This week his kids are on holiday with their mum so he’s had no responsibilities. Monday was our anniversary, he video gamed all day whilst I was at work, gave me my gift and card, and then went to do his hobby until 9:30pm.

Today when I arrived home from work, he said “let’s spend tonight in my office” (his office being where his computer games are). I feel so sad that he doesn’t want to spend time with me.

And then on our anniversary night he said “turtleneckhead, I want one day where I am a total teenager. I want to game all day until the early hours of the morning. No responsibilities, no having to come down for dinner. I’ll pay for you to go to a spa that day”

Aibu to think this is very incompatible behaviour with marriage? Or am I controlling?

The man is an addict. This is an addiction, like alcohol or drugs or gambling. You need help to decide how to deal with his addiction like you would of he was an alcoholic.

I would stop the TTC and start looking for support in being married to an addict.

Unfortunately, you have married a selfish, lazy and manipulative man. No wonder his first wife divorced him. Sadly, he hasn't learned from the failure of his first marriage. He has found a new partner to look after his DC and allow him to carry on behaving like a teenager (apologies to all the wonderful teenagers who do not behave like this!), doing as he pleases. He then gaslights you if you point this out and his mother even joins in.
I agree with everyone else-do not have a baby with him ever, divorce him and enjoy your freedom or find another man who wants a grown up partnership with give and take.

It's not the gaming per se but leaving his kids with you while he goes and does hobbies 4 nights a week I can't get over. He just married a babysitter.

You need to leave though I suspect you already know that.

He mocks you. You try to bring up concerns and he turns them around on you so you look like the bad guy. He is emotionally manipulative and honestly, sounds just like a stroppy teenager who doesnt get thier own way already so he is not far off!

This man already has 4 days a week for his hobbies and then spends most of his time gaming, leaving you to do the donkey work. This will not get better and if you have a child with this man you will be a solo parent!

Also biggest ick ever, if my partner told me they wanted to be a teenager again. He sounds like he regrets having kids tbh and uses you to just be his childcare.

You should also be allowed to say you dont like doing something (playing games) and do something else as a couple without him being an arse about it. It cant be about what he wants all the time! He wants a day doing nothing being a teenager, tell him you do too and see how he likes it being lumped with his own kids all day while you do what you want. He says hed be fine with you doing a spa day but i would put money on the fact he would hate it if he had to actually look after his own offapring solo.

This is awful, this is who is . DO NOT HAVE A BABY WITH THIS MAN!!!!!!

He has chosen you to be a nanny for his children, you're also handy to cook meals, pay some bills and have sex with. If he loves you he'd spend time with you and not prioritise his computer games and hobbies.
I can see why he has an ex.
I can guarantee that when you leave him he'll be irritated that he'll have to give up some hobbies and he'll be asking his mum to help out.
I'm so sorry you deserve much better, someone who will love and cherish your time together and want to hang out with you.

You are definitely not being unreasonable
My husband put gaming first, even when we had our daughter. I put up with it for 10 years.
That is why he's my ex hubby.
Some guys just never grow up.
Sorry to say it won't change and you're wasting your time even trying to get him to

I cannot imagine wanting to live like this. He wants you to exist to facilitate his lifestyle and doesn’t appear to do anything to improve yours.

Totally selfish and his mum sounds like an enabling pita as well.

He saw you coming op he expects you to treat his dc as top priority whilst he prioritises himself. Where do you come into this your a nanny. I woukd rethink ttc he will do nothing with a baby as thr man hadnt grown up. Theres a reason his ex left.

OP, stop listening to what he says and look instead at what he does. It’s someone’s actions that we should take notice of not their words. We can make our mouths say anything. You need to leave.

He sounds abusive and awful.

What the hell is in this for you? You have a useless teenage lump of a man child using you for free childcare, and he does not give a damn about you op.

Find your self respect and dump him.
You are then free to live your own life, meet someone gorgeous with maturity in time and be free of this utter shit show.

How deeply unattractive, he wants a live in mother and nurse maid, not a wife.

It sounds like he's been grinding you down for a while. I just got out of an abusive relationship myself. I got lucky, he started devaluing me very early on so we only lasted a couple of months but the trauma bond was still very hard to break! I'm actually still not there for various reasons.

If you can just disappear and never contact him again that would be best thing for you.

Stop ttc. Stop facilitating his childishness by minding HIS children. He's an immature twat. Get out and find an adult.

Oh my dear. He is catfishing, you and his effing mother should stay out of it guilt tripping you also.
He is a pig for taking the piss, for that is what he did, out of your stutter.
I dont think telling him your too busy looking after his kids on his hobby nights will help, as he will just stay in gaming. What is it with grown men and gaming?!!!
I think you have to rethink this relationship. You are getting nothing out of it and I think you should just go.
Don't have a baby with him, you might think it will change things but it will just make it worse. To quote another poster its not you its him. Leave as soon as you can or better still chuck him out.
Your just unlucky with your choice of partner but make your life better and that means without him and his mum and his kids that he dosnt even care about.
Hope you leave and wish you good luck and happiness.

Sounds like he will upset when he loses his house keeper.

its not you it’s him. Once you start to stop making his life ridiculously easy you’ll see his true not very nice character. There is nothing to stop you saying, it’s your contact time, I’m going out.

Your husband is a nasty, manipulative piece of shit, as is his mum.

If you don’t leave this man, he’ll destroy you, he’ll ruin your life. You’ll be a shell of a person, effectively as a domestic slave who he expects to be able to shag in the moments between his gaming and hobbying.

LTB or be let the rest of your life be an absolute misery - your choice.

Sorry I meant gaslighted you.