DH wants to be a teenager, no time for me… aibu?

[Turtleneckhead]

DH is off work for the 6 week holiday. I’ve had 2 weeks off where we went on holiday for a week and another pottering around. we are ttc and he has 2 kids from a previous relationship that live with us week on/week off.

DH has hobbies in the evenings on Mondays, Tuesday, Thursdays and Fridays. Obviously on those days on the weeks his kids are here I have to stay in and make sure there’s an adult in the house.

Dhs other hobby is video games. On Saturday and Sunday he played on it all day, and I mean all day. This week his kids are on holiday with their mum so he’s had no responsibilities. Monday was our anniversary, he video gamed all day whilst I was at work, gave me my gift and card, and then went to do his hobby until 9:30pm.

Today when I arrived home from work, he said “let’s spend tonight in my office” (his office being where his computer games are). I feel so sad that he doesn’t want to spend time with me.

And then on our anniversary night he said “turtleneckhead, I want one day where I am a total teenager. I want to game all day until the early hours of the morning. No responsibilities, no having to come down for dinner. I’ll pay for you to go to a spa that day”

Aibu to think this is very incompatible behaviour with marriage? Or am I controlling?

OP. I'm going to be blunt, I'm sorry, he saw you coming. You need to wise up. Stop TTC. He's a user. You can do better.

Once you have his kids, you’ll be completely stuck. Forgetting everything else, imitating your stammer is absolutely unforgivable. It shows just how little respect he has for you and, frankly, the level of contempt he has for you.
I honestly can’t say strongly enough that you need to leave this man. Having children is incredibly hard even when you have two people who genuinely share the load. When it’s one person carrying everything, it becomes so much harder. But when it’s one person with a gaslighting man-child (and his mother) it will be a lonely nightmare.

Have a good look at this, and pay particular attention to the using children section (making her feel guilty about the children) and emotional abuse sections (making her feel bad about herself - mocking your speech
and making her feel guilty). Then have a good look at the other sections and see if you feel any others are relevant. Finally, have a really good think about whether this is a man you would want to be the father to your children, and to set a template for them of what a relationship looks like.

Watch how fast he gets his mummy round to watch the kids if you leave. Then how fast after that he's got a new willing girlfriend lined up.

He is wild. if you have a baby with him dont be on here in a year complaining he's no help...

What explanation does he have for mocking your stammer? There's no way of spinning that to be acceptable.

Please put yourself first OP.

He imitated your stutter. That in itself is gross and childish. I would have a serious think about this dickhead!

Agreed

he is supposed to be spending time with his kids !! start going out and have hobbies

are you sure you want to have a baby and be left alone - thus us how he treats his current children

For god sake find your backbone and end it
He's not good for you

He said I worked myself up over nothing and then he was frustrated because I wasn’t listening

this man is a shit father and a shit husband.

I honestly can't understand that it's not obvious to you both when he swans off to his hobby when he should be looking after his kids, leaving you to do it for him.

Why - seriously, I really hope you can stop and look inside yourself for the answer to this - have you enabled him to do this?

It's insane. The only answer imv is internalised misogyny, but I'd be happy to be proved wrong.

If you get with someone with children, you should accept the children come before you. That's just the way it is.

Only, here you've got computer games, then very regular hobbies, and then the kids and you. He's a loser. If you have a baby with him, you will do that on your own too.

I'd actually understand the "day to be a teenager" thing if it was a rare thing, I know a few people planning similar when a much anticipated game is released later this year. But they aren't ignoring their spouses every evening in the run up.

I'm wondering how your self esteem is and how long things have been like this. Have you ever had some therapy? It's horrible when someone twists things in an argument so you end up doubting yourself. Is this how you want to spend your married life? He sounds awful.

The more you tell us, the more coercive this man is sounding and coercion is illegal

You are in an abusive relationship my love

Please ring women's aid for more advice

I know its scary but you sound like a women who wasnt like this - questioning her own thoughts - until this man came into your life

Gut instinct is always right, no matter how much you dont want to listen to it

What a low blow imitating a stutter, dick head. You can do sooo much better op!

start getting plans in, for the nights he has hobbies, and say no can do to babysitting, and go out, see his reaction then! That’ll tell u all u need to know. if he starts having to give and take, and compromise (you know that won’t happen, he’s gonna stomp his feet), he’s going try and talk u into not going out, and say that you should be looking after the kids, as his hobbies were organised first etc!

It's not you, it's him. He's a vile pig.
LTB.

You are being controlled by him. He is gaslighting you.

I’ve got a stutter, it doesn’t bother me if colleagues or other people imitate it, but it would be upsetting if my spouse did it! That is not on.

What would happen if you made plans to go out with friends or do something for yourself on one of his multiple hobby nights? And when does he actually parent his own kids? I don't mean with you there I mean just him and the kids?

The man is an absolute arsehole, self-centred and a video game addict. It is no surprise whatsoever that his previous relationship failed. Do NOT have children
with him. He’s absolutely toxic.

Sorry, colleagues or other people imitate your stutter? I don’t think this is ok either. I can’t imagine any context in which it would be.

You poor woman.
He is a very nasty piece of work.
His mocking your stutter is absolutely vicious.

I am so sorry but he is using you for free childcare.
Stop TTC with this nasty piece of shit.

Do you want to be left with 3 children?
This is who he is.

Pack a back and get the hell out of there.
Leave him to HIS children and gaming.

Please please do NOT have a child with this awful nasty arsehole.

He doesn't love you.
You are his free childcare.

Him and his ex are using you.
He doesn't pay CM because of you.
He is a single man because he is using you.

Don't inflict this loser on another child.

He mocked you to shut you up.
To shut down the fact he doesn't want to discuss that he uses you for childcare.

Tell your family the truth.

Pack a bag and get out of there.
Talk to Women's aid.
You are being used and abused.

God Almighty no. Sack this little dickhead. Gaming on his anniversary? Embarrassing.

Why are you babysitting his children, and why would you want children with someone who can’t look after kids he already has.

DO NOT have a baby with this deadbeat!!

First of all, why is he palming his kids off onto you?

Secondly, imagine being up all night with a colicky baby while the lazy fucker is sprawled out infront of his screen.

I once was seeing one like this. He literally used to remind me of one of them guys that works in Cex.

Out of all my exs, he was the one that shocked me the most by cheating. All he ever seemed to do was sit and play video games, I literally didn’t think he would have it in him!

For fucks sake if he saw his own children as important he would be home. You aren’t their parent he is. They are not your kids, they have parents, why are you making your life worse to look after other peoples kids. Just get rid of him, you are a babysitter who provides sex and your MIL is a total bitch.

This is so shit, just stop.