1st cousin marriage

[Wiseplumnet]

AIBU to ask your opinion on 1st cousin marriage?.I have read that the government is looking to ban it. I know it is more prevelent ( but declining) in the UK among people of Asian origin. I am not coming from a judgemental or racist angle. I am just interested to know how mum'snetters of all ethnicities feel about marriage between 1st cousin's. I know it used to be more common in the west at one time, apart from keeping money/property in families, people travelled less widely, so there was less choice of marriage partners.I worked with a girl ( White British) who was in a secret relationship with her 1st cousin and they are very reluctant to tell their family, so there seems to be a cultural taboo in 1st cousins being romantically involved.Genetic factors resulting in disabilities (statistically twice as many as in unrelated parents) is sometimes given as a reason for banning cousin marriage, however we have genetic screening now, and disabilities aren't always serious.As so many babies died in infancy before we had vaccines, better health care etc , it was probably difficult to differentiate whether the close relationship between parents was the cause of any disabilities their children . Speaking for myself,I can't imagine wanting to marry any of the cousins I was brought up with as they seem more like brothers to me, but I could understand why someone may be attracted to a 1st cousin who they first met as adults. Or does it give you the instant 'Yuk' ? Also is banning 1st cousin marriage the same as banning 1st cousin sexual relationships and children, or would that become illegal? Maybe there's no need for a legal ban as the tradition will just die out over time

I don’t doubt it will still happen, but genuinely curious, how can banning cousin married be worse for the women than it is? They are often in arranged marriages with the cousin and where a child is born with disabilities, more often than not the women end up being the primary carer for the life of the child or the mother.

How will her life be worse than it is already with a ban?

My child with my siblings child, just no!

Can you imagine twins marrying twins both having children, family tree makes them cousins but a DNA test would conclude them siblings! Seen as it's legal to marry a cousin, is there any law about this scenario 😳

I’m not the least bit attracted to my cousins but calling it incest is ridiculous. It’s not incest in the UK and your opinion doesn’t change reality.

When I worked children's hospice, we had a very young mum come in with 1 day old baby. Baby was very weak and passed after 2 days. Sunni Muslims, Dad was visiting family in another country and never met his daughter. Our MD came in, took one look at baby and said it's inbreeding. Generation after generation of first cousin marriages. It's easy to go, well disabilities don't have to be a bad thing, but when you see it first hand, it's different. Modern medicine isn't a miracle. Very poorly children and babies do struggle and suffer. The MD was also Muslim before anybody jumps me, but found the practice abborent. He mainly practiced at Leeds and said they saw it every single week. Certain genetic conditions absolutely can be diagnosed from facial features as well, he knew what he was seeing.
It used to be a real issue in Jewish communities, but they took great strides to phase it out

To me it's like incest - marriage between close blood relatives. First cousins are close blood relatives.

I don’t agree, it’s a consanguineous blood relationship - low level incest seems to sum it up quite well.
There is quite a considerable call to make first cousin marriage illegal so I’m not sure what reality you live in where it’s normal or acceptable.

Agree, it makes my skin crawl

I see it an incest absolutely. Any relationship that is sibling, uncle, aunt, parent, grandparent, cousin I view as exactly the same.

This thread is a bit scary, the amount of people that are defending the right to shag cousins

But the fact is it’s legally not incest so it’s not the reality. Let people be. The trend is dying out anyway.

Because the more it is stigmatised and made illegal, the marriages will still go on but without any legal protection for the woman should they decide to leave (they rarely do, but sometimes). Also less likely to engage in help from services.
All of that is already a big problem, and making it illegal could make worse. Basically her thoughts are that it will make already vulnerable women even more isolated.

That is what people are campaigning for it to be classed as. That is the whole debate. Just because it isn’t now doesn’t mean the government can’t legislate for it to be classed legally as incest and therefore banned

Definitely should be banned. The rates of serious disability in children from Pakistani & Bangladeshi communities in the UK are much higher than the rest of the population due to cousin marriages. It's hugely unfair to these children living with horrific developmental
conditions & short life expectancy because of 'cultural sensitivity'. Even for the kids who don't have medical diagnoses those with parents who are cousins do less well in school.

https://wellcomeopenresearch.org/articles/9-319

My mind is blown by how common this is that it needs to be banned. I mean by sheer social stigma, you just wouldn't do it would you?!

Same

In the UK, first-cousin within the British Pakistani community are currently falling among younger, UK-born generations to around 36% from historical highs of 50% to 60%. The practice is also prevalent in Gypsy and Irish Traveller communities, with estimated rates between 20% and 40%, and also in certain Strict Orthodox Jewish (Haredi) communities.

I never had a strong view on this until it started being discussed recently in relation to particular ethnic groups and if I'm honest my kneejerk reaction was to assume it was a racist narrative. I didn't grow up knowing my cousins, it wouldn't give me the ick to marry a long lost one, hypothetically speaking, and I'd take a dim view of being told I couldn't. That said, I live in a geographically isolated community now and we do have an extraordinary rate of educational disabilities, so I have more time for it as a social ill that needs looking at. Not everyone wants to have children, and if I met and married a cousin now, I'm too old anyway, so I'm not sure a legal ban is appropriate - also, of course, people don't need to get married to have children anyway. But I do think a public health education campaign and readily available genetic counselling would be helpful. Would the target audience pay attention though?

‘Let people be’, as in don’t worry about the health consequences in babies born from these cousin unions?

The comparison with Huntington's disease isn't particularly useful as someone won't know if they have the Huntington's gene unless they test for it. So you'd have to firstly know you have a family history of Huntington's (which might have been deliberately concealed, or simply not diagnosed), then you have to chose to have a test.

Also worth noting that you can have NHS funded selective IVF if you have the Huntington's gene, to make sure your baby doesn't inherit the gene. So the NHS does support people who want to avoid passing the gene onto their children.

Why wouldn't it give you the ick?

Laws change, that’s the whole point. Pretty soon this will be illegal too.

Can’t imagine there will be a whole host of MPs arguing “let people be” when it comes to this.

Because I've never met any of them, so it would just be like meeting a stranger.

No, I think it’s good to inform people of the risks and that’s why prevalence falling sharply.

But telling people all they want to do is shag their cousins is not going to help.

interesting - Would you feel the same way if you didn’t grow up knowing a sibling? What is the difference if you had never met them before

Clearly some people are all weirdly all for it!