AIBU to refuse apologising after being blocked in at Tesco?

[ThisIsAbsolutelyCrazy]

So, yesterday I go to Tesco with DH. DH is a wheelchair user and has a Blue Badge.

There were no disabled bays or parent and child bays so I went to a far corner of the car park where there were two empty rows of normal bays and parked between 2 bays so had room for DH to get in and out.

Lo and behold we came back to a car parked so close to my driver's side that I couldn't get between the cars - less than 10 inches in between. The car had parked over into the bay I had half parked in.

We were obviously WTF. The other bays around us were still empty.

Coming round to the front of the cars, we saw there was a young lad no more that 15-17 sitting in the passenger seat of the other car. He obviously couldn't get out of his door either because it was up against mine! I said 'what kind of idiot would park like this' or some such. He said 'my dad'. Then asked him why he'd blocked him in.as well. He didn't answer and just kept his head down. I will admit I did swear a bit saying for fucks sake, this is fucking disgusting. Then said 'tell your Dad he's a complete cunt'. At no point did I make threats to the lad or swear at him. I knew he didn't park the car.

Anyway I then climbed in through the passenger side, moved the car into the row in front, got DH in and we left.

The Dad had not come back. I'm kicking myself because I didn't take a picture of the way he'd parked.

Anyway, tonight at around 8pm there's a knock at the door and two policemen are there. My heart dropped because I thought it was about one of the DC (both were out with friends), but they said they'd had a complaint about me causing 'fear and alarm' to a minor!

Turns out the Dad must have already had my reg number and told the police what I'd said. No mention of how he'd blocked me deliberately and left his son trapped in the car!

He must have known whoever came back to the car would be angry!

Anyway police said I could make a formal apology to the boy and the matter would not be taken further - this was because I admitted swearing.

I said No I will not as I had figured out by then that the Dad had done this all deliberately. No clue who he is.

AIBU to think he must be an absolute psycho?

Especially to leave his son trapped in the car!

There doesn't need to be cctv evidence because you have admitted what you said!! Saying to a child what you did, most people on here have concluded were "insulting words" and would be "likely to cause alarm or distress" to said child. Tnis carries a maximum sentence of 26 weeks prison

Why are you talking to me as if I'm the OP? I didn't swear at anyone.

You ask why Cunt Dad had a right to police your parking

He didn't

You had NO RIGHT to park as you did. Being disabled /with a disabled perso does not mean you're entitled to park any way you choose

You swore at a young person and bullied him. None of this was his fault

Grow up and stop being so horrible

There have been some big compensation payouts in the last year to people who were harassed by the police for hurty words, so I'm not sure how strong that argument is.

He has apparently deliberately parked blocking the drivers seat door and also his son in. Like he could get out but the son couldn't very easily. . Not knowing either the ability of the other driver or passenger. It's awkward getting across from the passenger to driver you don't need to be disabled. Left his son to deal with any fallout that could have included a violent bloke.
By the ops account there were plenty non disabled spaces and 2 clear rows of normal spaces.
Also OP has had to leave her disabled husband without supervision which she obviously could in this instance but it wouldn't need to have been very different for that to be impossible. If he had LDs for example and wasn't safe around traffic. If he had severe dementia and was physically able to wander.
The assumption is either OP didn't display the badge or it wasn't seen. But it's quite possible he did see it and decided to act that way.
People on this thread know the partner of a disabled and don't seem to think it makes any difference. And I also think to some people that is like a red rag to a bull in that they cannot cope with the vulnerability.

So I don't support verbally abusing the father to the son. But who educates the son in that situation in how not to be a cxxt? Not his father, presumably.

‘Hurty words’ is such an insufferable term.

The only time I’ve seen it used other than on this post is by absolute pricks in Facebook groups who use it when people take offense to their right wing views.

🤣🤣🤣

Poor young lad - what impression of adulthood must he be picking up. A petty father who thinks he’s the policeman of the car park who has a right to teach everyone a lesson and an intimidating woman f-ing and blinding at him in awful language for something over which he had no control.

You will have really upset the lad by speaking and behaving like that to him and he deserves an apology from you OP.

No, I wouldn’t have apologised, the father is the one who should apologise to his son for putting him in that situation
That makes no sense. At which point does someone takes responsibility for their own actions?

If your elderly parent cut their neighbours tree, and they come to your house and cut one of yours, will you be satisfied with the judge saying that your mum needs to apologise to you and pay you for any damage whilst her neighbour gets no blame?

......pretty much traps him in a car leaving him at the mercy of any pxxed off person.
....Traps a disabled person out of a car
...role models blanking out disability
.... Engineers a conflict for him.which he then has to collude with because the police will want evidence
All apparently completely unnecessarily
Makes me wonder Is he teaching his kid to be a nazi?
But hey- I'd have had the presence of mind not to call him a cxxt. Unfortunately his kid would still remain a victim of his father. Wonder what his relationship with the mum is like.

I'll bet she's not getting out of that marriage.

A lot of minimising going on.

OP - good morning. Why not write out a letter explaining why you were angry and say that under stress you acted out of character, swore at the boy and apologise to him for that. Drop it off at the police station. If nothing else, it would hopefully put the matter to bed and would read well if it ever reached court.

The grown up way to handle this would have been to ask the teen to contact his dad to come and move the car as you are struggling with your disabled husband due to the car being too close.

What on earth possessed you to use that language towards anyone? And calling his dad those names. It’s not the teens fault!

OP does not want to apologise because she thinks she did nothing wrong.

Using the language she describes is no big deal.

She said in a very calm manner and showed no aggression at all. Theres something wrong with the boy if he felt threatened and that's not OP's concern.

It's 100% the fault of his dad.

I agree that the bloke more than likely parked so closely to you deliberately, which was a bit of a twatty move. But what I don't understand is why you needed to park over 2 spots in the first place? If the area was so empty it's unlikely anyone would have parked too close to you if you'd just parked normally?

You both sound equally unreasonable imo, but you took it too far in your reaction to an innocent bystander. You should apologise to the boy.

Your follow up posts aren't doing you any favours either.

"Using the language she describes is no big deal"
Woukd you be happy if your dc was spoken to like that by staff at school?

The OP has apparently admitted her actions to the police who now either back down or prosecute. Potentially months of stress waiting for her day in the magistrate’s court.

i don’t think she deserves that. What she needs is an off ramp.

YOU told us how you verbally assaulted an innocent teenager

No she didn't at all - what are you on about? Why do people just make things up?

Swearing about someone in front of someone else is totally different to a verbal assault TO a person.

"Swearing about someone in front of someone else is totally different to a verbal assault TO a person"

Which is why when kids / teenagers etc want to get a rise out of someone or start a fight they call their parents a cunt.

“Your mum is a cunt”

Yeah, not abusive at all 🙄

The attempts on this thread to insist on a distinction between swearing at someone and telling them to tell their dad he’s a cunt are fairly pathetic.

It's a legal distribution job an argument about whether this will end up in court.

For a case to succeed in court the person who heard the words must feel threatened by them. I think they might have a difficult time proving that a 15 year old who was told his father was a cunt would feel threatened himself by that remark.

It's wrong o course, she shouldn't have said it but it's not certain whether any crime has been committed here.

Personally I would apologise to the young man saying "I'm sorry I told you to tell your father he was a cunt, I should have waited and told him he was a cunt to his face".

Yabu. You sound very entitled. As you were able to get your dh in with a standard space, why park across two? Perhaps the dad was fed up with crap parking, good for him!

You behaved very badly to be rude and swear at the son. Stop thinking the world revolves around you - it doesn't.

I can't get my head around just how many people on this thread are getting exercised about a bit of parking that didn't disadvantage anyone else at all 🤷🏻‍♀️

definition not distribution. In not job.

I don’t know if you’re reading a different thread to me. I have read very few references to whether it will end up in court. For myself, I couldn’t care less whether it will or not, and that’s not my yardstick for decent behaviour.

Yep, definitely reading a different thread.