AIBU to refuse apologising after being blocked in at Tesco?

[ThisIsAbsolutelyCrazy]

So, yesterday I go to Tesco with DH. DH is a wheelchair user and has a Blue Badge.

There were no disabled bays or parent and child bays so I went to a far corner of the car park where there were two empty rows of normal bays and parked between 2 bays so had room for DH to get in and out.

Lo and behold we came back to a car parked so close to my driver's side that I couldn't get between the cars - less than 10 inches in between. The car had parked over into the bay I had half parked in.

We were obviously WTF. The other bays around us were still empty.

Coming round to the front of the cars, we saw there was a young lad no more that 15-17 sitting in the passenger seat of the other car. He obviously couldn't get out of his door either because it was up against mine! I said 'what kind of idiot would park like this' or some such. He said 'my dad'. Then asked him why he'd blocked him in.as well. He didn't answer and just kept his head down. I will admit I did swear a bit saying for fucks sake, this is fucking disgusting. Then said 'tell your Dad he's a complete cunt'. At no point did I make threats to the lad or swear at him. I knew he didn't park the car.

Anyway I then climbed in through the passenger side, moved the car into the row in front, got DH in and we left.

The Dad had not come back. I'm kicking myself because I didn't take a picture of the way he'd parked.

Anyway, tonight at around 8pm there's a knock at the door and two policemen are there. My heart dropped because I thought it was about one of the DC (both were out with friends), but they said they'd had a complaint about me causing 'fear and alarm' to a minor!

Turns out the Dad must have already had my reg number and told the police what I'd said. No mention of how he'd blocked me deliberately and left his son trapped in the car!

He must have known whoever came back to the car would be angry!

Anyway police said I could make a formal apology to the boy and the matter would not be taken further - this was because I admitted swearing.

I said No I will not as I had figured out by then that the Dad had done this all deliberately. No clue who he is.

AIBU to think he must be an absolute psycho?

Especially to leave his son trapped in the car!

You owe the boy an apology. He did nothing wrong!
I am glad the police are looking into this!

As defences go, I think I hear the barrel being scraped.

So if you refuse to apologise, what exactly will happen? Will you be prosecuted?
What for?
Did the youth record the altercation?
I would just deny all knowledge of any incident

Well its not like police forces have anything more pressing to deal with is it 🙄🤨

goodness me. The police are going to need to recruit everyone in the land if they want to apply this evenly and fairly.

The difference here is that there was a dysregulated angry adult and the teen was trapped. That’s not the same as teens swearing themselves. That placed the teen in a very stressful and possibly traumatic situation. It’s the dad’s responsibility ultimately for putting him in that position but the OP absolutely should have managed her anger and should apologise. Her anger was understandable but her behaviour was not acceptable.

Wow.

Having an involved police force, in exactly this way, improves society. The young lad needs to know that his society cares that he was abused whilst innocently sitting in his dad’s car.

The abusive woman who started this thread needs to know what she did is not how a civilised society functions.

when we had an active and involved police force, society was healthier, just as children with active and involved parents do better.

The Dad obviously parked like a cunt to "teach you a lesson." For that, YANBU.

But maybe not swearing at a teenager might be a better way to proceed in future?

But OTOH, life with a wheelchair is bloody hard, and there were no disabled bays, and I can imagine you deal with crap everyday in being out & about with your DH. The world is not designed with wheelchair users in mind.

Did you explain any of this to the police? At the end of your tether, a BLue Badge holder, and then someone parks in a really obviously passive aggressive "I'm going to teach you a lesson" way?

Good luck @ThisIsAbsolutelyCrazy

I'm in the minority on this thread but I sick to death of both ageism and disability discrimination. If you've been up all night and doing a 18 hour day you were probably at the end of your tether
Are you saying that carers should be exempt of the Section 5 of the Public Order Act 1986 because they are carers and exhausted?

And you studying law? Well that's worrying!

Threads like this really scare me!

• shouting using the F and C word is no big deal
• teenagers use them all the time and are abusive themselves so it's ok.
• it's also ok to do if you are disabled or older.
• it's okay to be agressive and abusive if you are provoked in any way.
• it's ok to abuse someone who's done nothing wrong if they are associated with someone who has.
• You shouldn't apologise for being abusive to an innocent person if you've been wrong yourself by someone else.

Thank god my real world in the UK is nothing like MN because I'd be moving very far away!

I am saying some Grace should be given at times to anyone with this level of stress who has been purposely provoked. Even you and me.

She didn’t harm this kid, at best she made him uncomfortable. His father should be held legally accountable for the harassment and OP should give a simple apology to the teen.

Alternatively able bodied people could appreciate the problem and wait. Or just park nearby and walk, it's easy enough to leave shopping with the shop whilst you collect the car.
If there aren't enough disabled spaces the shop could address that

I get this was annoying but you should not have sworn at/around the teen and you shouldn't have told him to tell his dad he was a cunt. This could be quite intimidating especially for a 15 yo who hadn't done anything wrong. Why are you swearing at him over the actions of his parent! You owe him an apology.

someone parks in a really obviously passive aggressive "I'm going to teach you a lesson" way?

Shitty parking is not a crime. OP is the one who had the police show up at her door telling her what she did wrong, which was not her shitty parking, and what she needed to do to stop it from going further. She said she refuses to apologize so it sounds like there will be consequences to her having a nasty public tantrum.

I am saying some Grace should be given at times to anyone with this level of stress who has been purposely provoked. Even you and me
Except we still don't know if the dad had anyway of knowing this was a car with a disabled person who needed access.

Also, Grace goes in both direction. Did the OP gave grace to the child who might suffer from anxiety, or learning difficulties, or maybe is going through a difficult time.

If we want to play the cards of 'maybes', we could say that maybe the boy is experiencing stress with his parents getting divorced and it's not the dad who called the police but his mum after her son related the incident to her.

We ALL have responsibility for our own actions. The child was an innocent party and shouldn't have to excuse OP's very poor behaviour on a variety of possible assumptions including that she is going through a difficult time.

She didn’t harm this kid, at best she made him uncomfortable
How can you possibly know that? How can you make such a statement whilst expecting the kid to assume OP was going through a hard time and therefore excuse her behaviour.

Honestly, it's concerning you are considering going into law if you can't understand the concept of assumption and the harm it can do in being biased.

Wasn't there an almost identical thread the other day about someone kicking off and swearing at supermarket workers?

Bit like buses these supermarket altercation threads, none forever and then they all come at once.

Did you put your blue badge out?

Most people have dash cams these days, he would have gotten your number plate as he parked, worth remembering for next time.

Don't take up 2 bays and don't start ranting and raving and swearing at kids when you get called out for it. You sound nuts tbh.

Yep, you're spot on.

I recently went to my local retail park a few minutes after 9am, so the shops had just opened. It was pretty much empty when I arrived, which means there were 2500 free spaces.

I was away from my car for 4 MINUTES picking up a click-and-collect order, but someone still decided to park right beside me 😐

You behaved absolutely appallingly towards that boy. It doesn't matter whether you were swearing at him or not, you were still being aggressive and taking it out on him.

What his dad did was annoying, and obviously he was trying to make a point rather than minding his own business, but what you did was worse.

If someone parks close to the shop like that- I’d assume bad parking. If, like the op, it’s at the far end of the parking area, I’d assume there was a reason. I don’t know if Op put the blue badge out or not as that would have helped.

I remember after I had my daughter, there were no child bays in the hospital. So while she was in her car seat I had to drive a little into the space , get her out and put her next to another car, pull in and jump out. I had to do the reverse to get her in. It was a nightmare.

I am now disabled myself and need a bluebadge. I know some people have mentioned waiting for a space but to be honest, I have to make quite a few adjustments in my day anyway. Waiting for ages for a space would make going out impossible. So I can see what OP did and why she did it.

Shouting at a kid however- not on. The other driver was a knob. I would apologise to the teen stating that her husband is disabled and people like his father make her day harder. However, that is no excuse for swearing at him/ around him.

OP, however, thinks she was in the right to verbally abuse and harass the boy, and has refused to apologise, it's right there in her first post.