AIBU to refuse apologising after being blocked in at Tesco?

[ThisIsAbsolutelyCrazy]

So, yesterday I go to Tesco with DH. DH is a wheelchair user and has a Blue Badge.

There were no disabled bays or parent and child bays so I went to a far corner of the car park where there were two empty rows of normal bays and parked between 2 bays so had room for DH to get in and out.

Lo and behold we came back to a car parked so close to my driver's side that I couldn't get between the cars - less than 10 inches in between. The car had parked over into the bay I had half parked in.

We were obviously WTF. The other bays around us were still empty.

Coming round to the front of the cars, we saw there was a young lad no more that 15-17 sitting in the passenger seat of the other car. He obviously couldn't get out of his door either because it was up against mine! I said 'what kind of idiot would park like this' or some such. He said 'my dad'. Then asked him why he'd blocked him in.as well. He didn't answer and just kept his head down. I will admit I did swear a bit saying for fucks sake, this is fucking disgusting. Then said 'tell your Dad he's a complete cunt'. At no point did I make threats to the lad or swear at him. I knew he didn't park the car.

Anyway I then climbed in through the passenger side, moved the car into the row in front, got DH in and we left.

The Dad had not come back. I'm kicking myself because I didn't take a picture of the way he'd parked.

Anyway, tonight at around 8pm there's a knock at the door and two policemen are there. My heart dropped because I thought it was about one of the DC (both were out with friends), but they said they'd had a complaint about me causing 'fear and alarm' to a minor!

Turns out the Dad must have already had my reg number and told the police what I'd said. No mention of how he'd blocked me deliberately and left his son trapped in the car!

He must have known whoever came back to the car would be angry!

Anyway police said I could make a formal apology to the boy and the matter would not be taken further - this was because I admitted swearing.

I said No I will not as I had figured out by then that the Dad had done this all deliberately. No clue who he is.

AIBU to think he must be an absolute psycho?

Especially to leave his son trapped in the car!

Yes I am aware of that but it does not excuse cursing at a child who is on their own. It’s disgusting behaviour and we don’t know the person who parked did it to annoy her specifically. That’s speculation

How come ThisIsAbsolutelyCrazy@ hasn't come back with any further updates?

i would have thought the dad was hoping for a rise from you, or anyone, who had seemingly parked inconsiderately

But if the driver was so certain that it was just a selfish person that he had inconvenienced (and not a disabled person needing to park like that) it is unlikely he woukd have heeded the callout and come.

OP would have been waiting until he finished his shop however long that would have been.

So what happens now if you don’t apologise? Will the police charge you?

I'd be very interested to know which law it is that OP has broken relating to swearing at people.

It is likely that

• the policeman, real as he may be, is one of his mates

and/or

• the son "elaborated" what was said

“Tell your dad….” Yes you were swearing at him.

Awful behaviour - and a Blue badge doesn’t excuse it.

We are each responsible for our own actions—you angrily expressed profanities at a minor who had done nothing to you. It doesn’t matter if it was aimed at his father—the young person was the recipient.

And, it doesn’t matter what someone else does—we are responsible for how we respond to it.

You felt inconvenienced and perhaps angry that there were no available disabled spaces and someone had parked next to you not understanding or caring about your needs. Fair enough. It looks like you may have taken out that anger on a minor who was not responsible for the situation.

Continuing to blame a man you’ve never met for how you chose to respond to the situation isn’t helping you. It might help to take a big step back.

If you’re not already, you may benefit from emotional and/or practical support for your caring role. I hope you have a good local carers support service that you’re registered with.

She's been arrested maybe?

Or struggling with her disabled husband

Or has now calmed down and is embarrassed

Or at work

Yes she’s sitting in a jail cell. Cursing.

what a horrible way to behave, I’m so glad the police gave her a visit. Maybe she’ll think twice about being so abusive in future.

What will happen if you don’t? Plus why did you admit it?!

I highly doubt you would have spoken to the dad the way you spoke to his son, OP

OP if you don’t apologise when else can they do? I’d say no I’m not apologising and see how they take it further.

I mean I don’t condone the behaviour around the kid as I have kids and they wouldn’t have liked that either but equally it was out of frustration and there’s worse things in the world

I know its been said..but again..to a minor. Calm your anger down to other people children.

You parked in two spots and the other users have no idea why and probably assumed you were being an inconsiderate twat. Leave a note or the blue badge on the dash and theyll probably be more understanding

Who are these people that think it’s their job to police and punish the world?

I feel sorry for the kid. Who knows what other childish behavior he has to endure at the hands of his father.

Quite frankly if you dont apologise i can only assume the dad plans to press charges. Consider your position and whether you would be happy to do this in court.

All op really needs to do is offer a full sincere apology to the boy. And finish it with "and I'm genuinely sorry that your dad is a cunt"

If the car park was half empty then you could have parked in one empty space with vacant spaces either side rather than take up two spaces. I also get very irritated by people who park badly and overhang the neighbouring parking space. The driver wasn't to know your husband is wheelchair bound and to be honest, it was you who parked like a complete c...t in the first place.

This reminded me of that German policing and comparing the guy to a clitoris. Her formal apology was along the lines of ‘I am sorry that I got it wrong, the clitoris has 10,000 nerve endings not 3,000’. Brilliant.

As referenced up thread:
Section 5 of the Public Order Act 1986 makes it a criminal offence to use threatening or abusive words or behaviour, or disorderly behaviour, within the hearing or sight of a person likely to be caused harassment, alarm, or distress.

Did you leave your DH's Blue Badge in the car??

This is important. Otherwise how would the other driver not know that you had just parked like a twat?

And you had absolutely no business using language like 'Fof FFS, this is fucking disgusting...cunt' to a young lad and no business venting your wrath on a young lad. It was obvious he wasn't the one who had done it so why rant o at him? And using language like that IS aggressive even if not directly about him / at him.

Also - over-reaction. The teen was not 'trapped' - he could easily have climbed over to the other door.

The man who parked was a complete twat (in parking like that, and in reporting you to the police) but your behaviour was completely out of order.

Did you leave the BB in the car?????

@ThisIsAbsolutelyCrazy You are not coming across well here.

So there were no disabled spaces, I can totally appreciate that is difficult to manage. But how you tackled that and then expected other drivers to have a psychic premonition about your situation, is where you lost me.

From the other drivers perspective, he wouldn’t have known why you were across two bays, it looked like you were in the wrong. To him, all he saw was a car parked across two bays, no Blue Badge displayed, no visible wheelchair user, plenty of normal bays available (ironically the very argument you are using against him). So yes, he would reasonably assume you were just being selfish and taking up two spaces. He wouldn’t know you were doing it for accessibility unless you’d left a note or badge visible. And if he thought you were being a CF, he may well have thought he was “correcting” your parking by squeezing in. Not clever, not kind, but understandable.

That doesn’t excuse him squeezing in, but it does explain it. And while you didn’t swear at the lad, you did swear to him and involve him in the confrontation. That’s what the police reacted to. The dad’s parking was rubbish, but your response gave him something to report.

You keep insisting you “didn’t swear at him”, but you confronted him directly, swore repeatedly in front of him, called his dad a “complete cunt” to his face, involved him in an adult conflict he didn’t create. That is intimidating to a teenager stuck in a car with a stranger shouting. The police didn’t come because of the parking. They came because of your* *behaviour.

You owe him an explanation and apology. You were under pressure and reacted emotionally, totally human. But the swearing and involving the lad wasn’t the best choice, and it gave the dad something to complain about. Next time, taking a photo and walking away would protect you far better.

The teenager will have heard worse at school - I really don’t understand the angst one particular word seems to cause, it’s just a word. The Dad parked to show op a lesson and left his son in the car so that it didn’t get keyed, he’s then been embarrassed by the fact op’s husband is in a wheelchair and has doubled down on his actions rather than apologise himself. There is no way I would apologise if I were the op

Exactly! OP is in the wrong.