AIBU to refuse apologising after being blocked in at Tesco?

[ThisIsAbsolutelyCrazy]

So, yesterday I go to Tesco with DH. DH is a wheelchair user and has a Blue Badge.

There were no disabled bays or parent and child bays so I went to a far corner of the car park where there were two empty rows of normal bays and parked between 2 bays so had room for DH to get in and out.

Lo and behold we came back to a car parked so close to my driver's side that I couldn't get between the cars - less than 10 inches in between. The car had parked over into the bay I had half parked in.

We were obviously WTF. The other bays around us were still empty.

Coming round to the front of the cars, we saw there was a young lad no more that 15-17 sitting in the passenger seat of the other car. He obviously couldn't get out of his door either because it was up against mine! I said 'what kind of idiot would park like this' or some such. He said 'my dad'. Then asked him why he'd blocked him in.as well. He didn't answer and just kept his head down. I will admit I did swear a bit saying for fucks sake, this is fucking disgusting. Then said 'tell your Dad he's a complete cunt'. At no point did I make threats to the lad or swear at him. I knew he didn't park the car.

Anyway I then climbed in through the passenger side, moved the car into the row in front, got DH in and we left.

The Dad had not come back. I'm kicking myself because I didn't take a picture of the way he'd parked.

Anyway, tonight at around 8pm there's a knock at the door and two policemen are there. My heart dropped because I thought it was about one of the DC (both were out with friends), but they said they'd had a complaint about me causing 'fear and alarm' to a minor!

Turns out the Dad must have already had my reg number and told the police what I'd said. No mention of how he'd blocked me deliberately and left his son trapped in the car!

He must have known whoever came back to the car would be angry!

Anyway police said I could make a formal apology to the boy and the matter would not be taken further - this was because I admitted swearing.

I said No I will not as I had figured out by then that the Dad had done this all deliberately. No clue who he is.

AIBU to think he must be an absolute psycho?

Especially to leave his son trapped in the car!

This is a fair response.

Have you never encountered or observed racist or homophobic abuse in society? Do you think that a black person would be 'silly and pathetic, blubbing about hurty words', if somebody walked past and shouted the N-word directly at them... as long as it's 'only' that and their abuser doesn't actually touch them?

Words can be very powerful; you must know this.

The poster isn’t saying they struggle to park between the lines, they’re saying that in the absence of a free blue badge space they would straddle the lines to get the space they need.

People don’t look for a badge on every car when parking . And the vast majority of people who park terribly aren’t disabled . The op didn’t do anything wrong by parking the way she did hoping people would leave space . But the fact a disabled person was in the car is something which is more likely to have been overlooked by the other driver . Anyone who actually would think “I’m gonna park right up here to stop a disabled person getting into their car” is extremely ignorant and selfish. But there isn’t enough evidence here to say that that is what happened and regardless it’s not the teenagers fault

No he isn’t. But he didn’t get a reaction did he, Billy Big Balls screamed and swore at his kid.

There are hundreds of ways the OP could have handled it without swearing and ranting abuse at a teenager.

The irony of telling the carer of a disabled person that she should be more mindful of what’s going on in other people’s lives, when she’s just been shown quite clearly that no-one gives a shit about what’s going on in hers.

How do you know the teenager isn’t a carer of a disabled person. We literally know nothing about him . And he knew nothing about the op either

You asked AIBU, but seem to have already made up your mind that you are not.
There is rarely a 100% win/vindication in a disagreement, and a middle ground has to be found.
In which case maybe it’d be more helpful to ask how to de-escalate the situation.

Cringeworthy. Cringe is a verb. To cringe. Since we’re picking apart other people’s words.

Who showed her that quite clearly? We don’t even know if the dad saw the blue badge. If he blocked her into an actual wheelchair space that would be different as his intentions would have been clear.

I think his actions are awful either way but I’m not a dick who polices carparking in an empty carpark.

But it doesn’t excuse the OP’s actions in any case.

I'm mostly with the OP on this. The man who parked like that then left his son there knowing there'd be a reaction. And then, while not a witness to what went on, somehow got the police involved - it's to be sure he must have exaggerated hugely to get them interested. It's also very very likely the teen is used to and uses such language and was just very embarrassed.

And let's flip this over what chance of the police getting interested if the OP had been sworn at by the teen? I got told to fuck off by a 10yo who was doing his best to smash up a bus shelter, who do I call?

Sure dropping the C bomb wasn't the best move but this was all caused by a self-righteous twat out to, in his head, prove a point. Who then felt justified to waste police time. So a cunt he is, it just would have been better to deliver it to him in person.

Which is exactly my point. The poster told OP she should be more mindful of what’s going on in other peoples lives and that the teen could have had his own disability. Do you really not see the irony of that when the bloke who blocked her door clearly didn’t care what may have been going on in her life - he was going to block the door to make his point no matter what.

Agreed.

The man created this situation and set his son up to deal with it.

Further, he was in a car, with another car between him and OP. So someone a full car away from him was swearing. I doubt he was scared at all. Mortified by his father is more likely.

She had to get in her car likely, move the car, stop, get back out and get her husband back on the correct side of the car and then into it, then get back in again. Her husband must have been horrified and seething, also.

Nethermind??

I don't understand why you couldn't have parked normally as it was empty and if there was no space to get in, you could have reversed out and got your husband in the car.

I do think the dad was stupid to park how he did and especially leaving his son to fend you off. But he wouldn't have known you did if for a reason. I think he just thought you were an entitled stupid parker.

Surprised the police has time to investigate these thought of things when they never seem to have time to follow up on muggings or burglaries.

I think you sound very entitled to be honest. I get it must be difficult and annoying when all disabled bays are taken . However , you parked over two bays - you don’t have the right to two bays just because you have a blue badge . I don’t know why that car parked so close to you if there were other bays , that’s a bit of an idiotic move too , but still you were the one in the wrong for parking over two bays in the first place.

I would have been more inclined to be on your side though if you hadn’t sworn at a child . You said you were ranting and he kept his head down- probably because he was a child in a car alone , no way of moving the car , with an adult swearing at him so likely felt very intimidated. Yes , you should apologise.

You would be very quick to moan if someone without a blue badge parked in a disabled bay because the car park was full , meaning you couldn’t park there. But , you think it’s ok to go and park over two bays that are meant for the drivers who can’t park in disabled bays because the disabled bays are full.

If I go somewhere to park and the car park is full , I simply can’t park - I can’t just go into the bays for disabled drivers . I can’t just make my own rules. Surely you can see that it works both ways ?

Don’t go there - you’ll be deleted 🤣

Sorry you were out of order!

I think both you and this boys father should apologise to the teen! You for getting angry and swearing and him for leaving him in the car, knowing that he would have to likely answer for his choice of parking!

Maybe you need signs you can use, explaining the need for space as there is a wheelchair user, if you need to take up two spaces in the future!

I’d apologise and move on!

She had no reason to park like such an idiot in the first place. Could have got her DH out near the shop and then parked. She’s been a dick, so has this other person.

This should not be a police matter
I work with the general public and incidents far worse than this involving violent men just get ignored.

I think the OP was likely thinking that parking over 2 bays meant no one would park in either of them so they had space to get in when they came back - and I totally get why they would do that . It was a bit silly of the other car to park there and I imagine the other driver thought “ screw them , thinking they can take two bays “ - people get irate when it comes to parking!

But , I also think OP has to accept that technically they were in the wrong and this was always a risk they took

That’s not always an option.

Do you really not think that adults should have better standards of behaviour than the worst of what teenagers do (bearing in mind that this particular teen had done nothing whatsoever wrong)?

Some teenagers have a scrap in the school playground, so is it OK if adults just punch them when they see them and they're upset about what somebody else has done, then?

Nobody in society should be using the word cunt, not to mind an adult screaming it at a teenager. Its use is meant to intimidate.

A 10 year old telling an adult to fuck off, the dad parking how he did, and Op swearing at a teen is all bad behaviour that should not be a part of our society.

And im sick of this narrative that most teens use this language so so what? They don’t. And it’s not ok.

The Op doesn't know how to behave herself.