AIBU to refuse apologising after being blocked in at Tesco?

[ThisIsAbsolutelyCrazy]

So, yesterday I go to Tesco with DH. DH is a wheelchair user and has a Blue Badge.

There were no disabled bays or parent and child bays so I went to a far corner of the car park where there were two empty rows of normal bays and parked between 2 bays so had room for DH to get in and out.

Lo and behold we came back to a car parked so close to my driver's side that I couldn't get between the cars - less than 10 inches in between. The car had parked over into the bay I had half parked in.

We were obviously WTF. The other bays around us were still empty.

Coming round to the front of the cars, we saw there was a young lad no more that 15-17 sitting in the passenger seat of the other car. He obviously couldn't get out of his door either because it was up against mine! I said 'what kind of idiot would park like this' or some such. He said 'my dad'. Then asked him why he'd blocked him in.as well. He didn't answer and just kept his head down. I will admit I did swear a bit saying for fucks sake, this is fucking disgusting. Then said 'tell your Dad he's a complete cunt'. At no point did I make threats to the lad or swear at him. I knew he didn't park the car.

Anyway I then climbed in through the passenger side, moved the car into the row in front, got DH in and we left.

The Dad had not come back. I'm kicking myself because I didn't take a picture of the way he'd parked.

Anyway, tonight at around 8pm there's a knock at the door and two policemen are there. My heart dropped because I thought it was about one of the DC (both were out with friends), but they said they'd had a complaint about me causing 'fear and alarm' to a minor!

Turns out the Dad must have already had my reg number and told the police what I'd said. No mention of how he'd blocked me deliberately and left his son trapped in the car!

He must have known whoever came back to the car would be angry!

Anyway police said I could make a formal apology to the boy and the matter would not be taken further - this was because I admitted swearing.

I said No I will not as I had figured out by then that the Dad had done this all deliberately. No clue who he is.

AIBU to think he must be an absolute psycho?

Especially to leave his son trapped in the car!

It's also possible to threaten someone and put them in a state of fear or alarm without swearing. So splitting hairs about whether OP swore AT the boy isn't really relevant.

One of the humbling lessons I have learned from Mumsnet is 'I will happily give up my badge if you take my disability' and make sure I never judge. I wouldnt have cared if you had parked in the entrance foyer if necessary but can't get past speaking to a kid like that. Young men are not necessarily all vaping gangsters, they are just as entitled to feel safe as anyone else. You should just apologise to him unreservedly and move on.

I can't believe the other driver bothered to report you to the police, and that the police actually sent officers to your house... What an unbelievable waste of police time and tax payers money over such a ridiculous situation.

Are you often unable to park in a disabled or parent/child spot OP? If so, it might be worth keeping a little sign in the car to put out to say something "There were no disabled parking spots available when we arrived. We've parked like this so we can safely get in and out of our car. Please leave enough space for us to do so".

Maybe that seems overkill but I think if I saw someone parked like you but couldn't see the blue badge I would think "why has the person parked like that?!". I would not have blocked you in like this numpty did though.

Appreciate this situation would be frustrating but you were bang out of order speaking to the poor lad like that. And you're delusional if you think saying " tell your Dad he's a cunt" doesn't count as you swearing at him!

Doesn’t solve the problem of a standard bay not being big enough to deal with a wheelchair though. In my own case getting in and out of the car with a carer means them helping me into the passenger seat from the wheelchair parked right beside the seat with the door wide open, then putting the wheelchair away in the boot via a hoist. That takes time and space and in some car parks having to move the car out of the space would mean doing it while blocking the traffic flow.

I do think there’s a certain amount of entitlement about the OP - and l say that as a disabled person myself. I really do understand the pressures and frustrations of being a carer and it’s very frustrating when there are no suitable spaces available, but you can’t just do as you please and expect everyone else to suck it up just because your life is harder. I’ve been forced to go home on occasion when no spaces are available and unfortunately that’s just a part of life when you’re disabled.

Exactly, easy to intimidate a teen who’s clearly a decent lad kept his head down and didn’t kick off back. You should be mortified by your behaviour Op.

I cant believe how many people think a 15-17yr old is frightened by swearing or is upset at someone swearing.

I've heard the same language being used by primary school children in the playground.

If you think a 15-17yr old is frightened by swearing you need to give your head a wobble.

Come on, there are numerous ways of swearing at somebody by deliberately criticising or invoking their parents.

It's often done deliberately to cause greater upset, as it will often hit much harder if you say something nasty and insulting about their mum or dad rather than directly about themselves.

I don’t think it’s a waste of time at all. We shouldn’t let this type of violent behaviour slide in society.

I would never, ever do that. So why should I live in a society where other people feel free to?

My son is 15 and is a gentle soul and would have absolutely hated this.
Wildly different when it's your peers Vs an out of control adult stranger

"Tell your dad he's a complete cunt" is you swearing at the teenager.

You behaved incredibly poorly.

Agreed!

Plus OP doesn't actually know the child's age. Lots of children these days look a lot older than they actually are - my own included!

Yes because those kids are swearing at each other. The same age, the same size, the same level of authority/power.

It’s entirely different when a grown adult in charge of a vehicle is shouting ‘for fucks sake, this is fucking disgusting, your dad’s a complete cunt.’ at a child.

You wouldn’t like it if someone did this to your child, so why pretend?

So you abuse a 15yr old boy and refuse to apologise and possibly face a public order charge for not doing so?. Wow

Many 15-17 are nice kids. I was was a nice, quiet shy teenager. If a full grown adult had screamed at me using the language Op used while screaming at me I’d have had a panic attack. It’s not the same as playground (which let’s face it isn’t fun and games for many nice kids). There s a huge imbalance do power between an adult and a teenager.

Edit: I just saw you said primary school!. If a child used that language in my child’s primary school they’d be sent home immediately and possible more. It’s a great school because of it - standards.

If you'd sworn at the adult I'd have sympathy with you, but to swear that strongly to a minor - and insult his dad in that way - is really horrible. Also, the other driver didn't know the back story of why you'd parked as you did, they probably just thought you were parking like a prat.
You can apologies to the child (as you should) without apologising to the other driver.

Did you put his blue badge up. There is so much bad parking in general!
You were u to swear at the boy and to ask him to pass your swearing onto his father who was also in the wrong.

Saying cunt = common assault. I never knew that word was SO powerful that it can literally inflict violence.

Yeah because all 15 year olds are exactly the same 🙄 this lad could have been suffering with anxiety, autism, a recent bereavement … you don’t know and neither does the horrible OP

Agreed. I wish I had got the car registration of the man who tried to ram me off the road because I didn’t give way to him a roundabout, even though he was on my left and traffic was free flowing, so would have been dangerous to stop and completely unnecessary anyway.

The man wanted a reaction. Thats why he parked like he did. Maybe even deliberately targetting a disabled person.
Then got a reaction. Then claims victimhood.

The father is not blameless.

(And two wrongs dont make a right either)

The swearing is shocking - and it isn't just the actual words but the personal targeting of them - but it's not even just about the words used.

Would you feel intimidated or potentially worried if you were sitting in a parked car and you saw somebody approaching you looking angry? Maybe gesturing furiously to you to wind your window down if it wasn't already? Most people feel uneasy and often worried if somebody invades their personal space... and although a lot of teenagers (by no means all) like to posture as streetwise and worldly, they are still young and inexperienced in the world and, even though they might not want to admit it, they can feel scared and out of their depth very easily.

It's very important to remember who the adult is and who is the child, and for the former to not act much less maturely than the latter.

Why didn't you just ask the lad to ring his Dad and tell him to come back to move the car ?
I understand your frustration,but it's scary how simple things escalate in seconds to aggression.No need for it

It would be pretty daft to park like that and not display the badge - that at least gives an indication as to why the car has been parked the way it has - it wouldn’t have killed the bloke to actually look for a badge before deliberately blocking the door. And if there was a disabled passenger who needed space to get out, according to OP there was a whole row of empty spaces, so absolutely no need to block OP’s door.

I’m not condoning the way OP parked or her behaviour, but that doesn’t absolve the bloke from acting like a dick.

Wow the fact you don’t see how unreasonable and scummy you are by using that language to a kid is worrying! People like you are why society gets a bad name! Tasteless and entitled!

YABU to do that to a kid. I get why you were angry but it's not on and you should apologise.

This is one of those situations where the dad was being petty and had you waited about and explained the distress it's caused and your reasons he might have realised that sometimes there are reasons he hasn't understood and apologised. But you have sworn about him to his son, and the C word is unacceptable imo.

I actually can't believe the police had time to come and speak to you though.